As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

Say goodbye

When Kate's alarm began to buzz she rolled over and realised the bed was empty. For a few moments she lay in bed, listening to him in the shower. The lead ball in the pit of her stomach reminded her that she might not be back, and he might not want her back.

She showered quickly in the main bathroom and came back dressed, with her hair done and makeup on, ready to go to the airport. Tom was in the bedroom looking at his clothes, wearing a towel around his hips. She didn't want to meet his eyes, and went to the door to put the last things in to her bag. When she returned he was still not dressed, and she flopped down on to the bed, laying on her stomach. Laying her head down on her folded arms, she whispered in to the bed, "it wasn't supposed to be like this."

Tom turned around, trying to find the right words to fix it. But he couldn't, and he turned back to the wardrobe, choosing jeans and a hoodie. When he turned back he noticed she was playing with her engagement ring, and he sat down and took her hand in his. He could tell what she was thinking. "Don't," he said sternly. "You don't have to wear it, but you will keep it no matter what. Because I will always love you, no matter what." He cleared his throat and finished almost inaudibly "even if it's not enough."

Kate nodded, the ability to speak had escaped her. Luke knocked softly on the door. "You two ready?"

"Yes," Tom's voice shook slightly. "We'll be out in a minute." He sat down and put on his sneakers while Kate got up and took her bags outside, waiting for him at the car. Luke wrapped her in a tight hug, and Kate put her face against his shoulder and sniffed quietly.

"Oh god, you didn't work it out did you?"

"No," she said, pulling away as she heard Tom approaching. Luke got in the driver's seat and Tom pulled Kate in to a hug before she could get away. "I love you, Tom." she sobbed in to his chest. He felt so warm, so good with his arms tight around her. She didn't want to let go, didn't want to say goodbye. Tom kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too, Katherine." he whispered. They pulled away and got in to the back of the car. The drive was silent except for the radio, neither of them had any words left. Kate kept her gaze out the window, trying to hide her tears, and he tentatively reached for her hand. When she didn't offer it though, he pulled back. They arrived at the airport and Kate ordered them both to stay in the car, leaning over to kiss both of them on the cheek, and she managed to get in to the airport unnoticed. Tom said a silent prayer that she might turn around and run back, and when she didn't he covered his face with his hand to keep from crying out loud.

Kate sat on the plane feeling completely numb. It felt like she had said goodbye this morning, not just for a month but for good. The same thought was on a loop in her head. What the fuck just happened?

Luke drove a few minutes in silence. "Tom, are you OK?"

"Yeah just give me a minute, I will be." he sniffed. "What the fuck just happened, Luke?"

"I have no idea buddy. No idea."

Half an hour later Tom looked out the window and actually saw outside for the first time. "Where are we going?"

"I thought you could do with a distraction. You have three hours, no filming, just rehearsing with Rodney and talking to people." he said as they pulled up at the set.

During the stopover in Houston, Kate made a call to Jennifer, their wedding planner. "Hi Jen, it's Kate Allen. I need a big favour."

"What's up honey?"

"Uh, well... I need to put everything, um... on hold. Don't cancel anything, just hold it for a few days. Maybe a couple of weeks."

"Is everything OK? I heard Tom was really sick?"

"Oh yeah he's going to be fine. It's just pushed the schedule out a bit and we don't know if we'll be... I mean when we'll be getting married now. Or if. I just need a couple of weeks to work it all out. I hope it will still happen on the same date but we're not sure."

"OK I'll handle it. Discreetly of course."

"Thank you, Jen."

When she got off the plane Adam was there to meet her. "Wow, personal service." Kate said, hugging him. "How's it been going?"

"Great! Not quite the same without you, though. Tom feeling better?"

"Yep." He eyed her, waiting for more information, and shrugged when she didn't give him any.

At the hotel, they dropped Kate's bags off and Adam went to his room while Kate called Ed. He was only two rooms away so she knocked on his door.

"Hey! Gosh it's good to see you!" He pulled her in to a tight hug. "Drink?" he asked, holding up a beer.

"Yes please," Kate said, closing the door behind her.

"Cheers," he said, taking a swig. "So how are we going to celebrate your return?"

"Ed, I need you to not throw me any curveballs tonight. Please? Tomorrow, whenever, just not tonight."

"What's going on?"

"I just had to tell the wedding planner to hold everything, we might not be getting married after all." she blurted out.

"Fuck. What happened?"

"I don't know. I said I wasn't ready to come back yesterday, and then everything just unravelled in to a big mess." Kate fought to stop the tears from escaping her eyes.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," he said softly. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. He said things, I said things. Most of them were true. He wants me to think about whether I really want to marry him and if I don't he'll let me go without an argument. That in itself makes me think I don't mean much to him, even though my heart tells me he loves me. It really hurt to hear that."

Ed hugged her again and silent tears tumbled down her cheeks. She stayed with him until it was time to get dressed for the gig, and she felt a little brighter once she was dressed in a sequinned tank top with skinny jeans and sparkly pumps.