As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

With or without you

As the tour went on Kate was starting to get her groove back. In her down time she forced herself to consider that her life might have to go on without Tom in it, that she would survive either way. She knew she could not continue to ignore the possibility that she might just be 'Tom Hiddleston's former fiancée', pretending her heart wasn't breaking wouldn't change anything. At two weeks in, with just over two weeks remaining until the tour finished and Christmas fast approaching, she had to make a decision. And she had to face the fact that whether she chose to stay or go, their future depended on Tom's heart as well as her own, and she may have to let him walk away.

Dealing with the hurt and emotions she had written four songs already, all of them almost to completion. One was an upbeat, inspirational song about moving forward, getting on with it and letting go. The others were not so upbeat.

On a cold rainy San Francisco morning, Kate woke up and switched off her alarm. She stood at the window, looking out at the rain, trying to decide how soaked she would get if she went running. As always she checked for messages on her phone, out of habit, and was disappointed to find none. Putting on her running clothes and waterproof jacket, she went down to the street and stepped out in to the rain. It was cold, but invigorating and purifying, and she ran for almost an hour before returning to the hotel. After a shower she dressed and went looking for breakfast, meeting Ed in the hall.

"Perfect timing, I want to discuss something with you," Ed said as he caught up with her.

"What are you going to throw at me today?"

"Nothing you can't handle," he winked. "I need to eat first."

Once their breakfast had arrived, Kate gestured to him, wondering what surprise he had in store for tonight's gig. He cleared his throat.

"If it doesn't work out, you know, with Tom... or even if it does... I know you said you weren't interested in going solo. But I'm starting my own label, and I really think you could do amazing things with your own style. No pressure, just think about it."

Kate had stopped with a forkful of poached egg and toast half way to her mouth. After a moment she shook her head. "No. But I'm intrigued, what does it have to do with Tom?"

"You said you were happy with what you were doing because it meant you could take time to go and visit him, wherever he is. I won't lie, it's kind of a solo job. There's a reason I'm single, I don't have time."

"There's your answer then. I'm not single. I'm engaged. I'm getting married."

"So you've made up your mind?" Kate didn't answer. She hadn't. She was hurt and confused that he had put her in this situation, and still angry that she had her heart broken just because she worried about him.

"Just, think about it. Think of it as your fallback if things don't work out the way you'd like." She nodded.

"How is he doing, anyway?"

"Good, he's back on set and they're almost back on schedule. Luke says he's doing really well."

"You still haven't spoken to him, have you?"

She shook her head. "Not since the Adam incident."

Kate's phone rang and she saw Emma's number on the screen. She hesitated before answering, having no idea what Tom had told her.

"Hey Emma," she answered. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you, Kate?" she heard a little concern in her voice.

"Yeah I'm all good. Sitting in rainy San Francisco having breakfast with Ed Sheeran. It's not all bad."

"Kate," she said softly. "Tom told me what happened. Can we talk? You haven't been to LA yet?"

"No, we're there the day after tomorrow for two nights. Is that where you are?"

"Yes. I'm actually staying in Tom's apartment for a couple of weeks, I have some auditions here."

"We can catch up when I'm there, then. I'll call you when we arrive."

She hung up and noticed Ed staring at her thoughtfully.

"What if we eased you in to it, gave you a taste of doing your own thing?"

"I'm listening,"

"You're doing the next tour in February. Mexico and Hawaii?"

"I think so."

"You're the support act." A huge grin spread over his face. "Do your stuff, do covers, borrow the boys, go solo. Whatever you want. Ten dates, fourteen days."

Kate thought for a few moments. It was only two weeks. "Sounds like fun!"

Ed high-fived her across the table. "You just wait, I'll be signing you in no time. Maybe you'll be the first."

Ed's old habit of throwing surprises at Kate for every gig hadn't diminished, and tonight was no exception. In Sacramento the gig was a little smaller but the crowd no less enthusiastic, and before the second set Ed decided Kate should open it with two of her own charts. Knowing no amount of arguing would change his mind, Kate went to the dressing room to change her top to a silver racer-back tank top. She almost always had to change in the middle, they all did, the lights on stage making them sweat so much their clothes were soaked and uncomfortable. As she walked out of her dressing room, Ed met her to walk her to the stage.

"Your guitar is ready to go, my lady." he said.

"My, what? No. No no."

"Oh, yes yes yes. I've heard you, you're ready. No more stalling. You wrote those songs with it. Time to stop hiding behind the piano."

Before she could argue any further the house lights were down and she was out of time.

Luke and Tom were sitting on the couch, both lost in their own books with a cup of tea. Luke's phone buzzed and he saw a message from Ed with a youtube link. Thought you should see this before I make it public.

Luke opened the link. It was Kate, on stage alone with her guitar. She was singing something he'd never heard before and it was magical. Tom looked up.

"Is that Kate?"

"Yeah. Get your laptop, you need to see this."

Tom sat mesmerised as he watched Kate on the screen. He almost expected her to appear the way she did when he had gone to her in Germany. Pale, too thin, and sad. Instead she was glowing, radiant and looked completely comfortable. He had always said she belonged on the stage, but away from the keyboard, just Kate and an acoustic guitar, she was so exposed. And it was incredible. He took his phone from his pocket to write a message to her, but couldn't think what to say. He hadn't really spoken to her since she left, and he had promised to give her space. She certainly seemed to be thriving without him. He put the phone back on the table.

"Wow. Just, wow."

"She's pretty special, huh?" Tom said. "I know you'll talk to her tonight or tomorrow, please give her my congratulations. She belongs up there. I'm really happy for her."

"Why don't you... where are you going?"

"To bed. I'm tired and I have an early start." Tom closed the door softly and leaned against it for a few moments. Why did doing what was best for Kate, what would make her happiest and give her the best chance of success, have to hurt so much?