As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

Family

"Whoever booked that flight the night after a gig should be shot," Kate said, rubbing her eyes as they collected their baggage at LAX.

"I hear you. I have two interviews this morning. Come with me?" Ed asked.

"No thanks. I'm meeting Emma for coffee. And I really don't feel like talking to journos this morning."

"Please come to the one this afternoon, then? It's a more casual one for MTV. You do realise everyone's talking about you, right?"

"Yes, everyone's talking about me. Because everyone's talking about Tom. Because he's not talking."

"Nope. They're talking about last night. You're trending."

"OK I'll do it. But I'm not talking about Tom. They can talk about me or not at all."

"Haha you're going to fit right in at MTV!"

Kate sent a text to Emma letting her know she was in LA and went to the cafe where they had agreed to meet. Emma had just arrived when Kate did, their cabs pulling up one in front of the other.

"Hello, lovely." Emma said. "I was just watching your performance from last night."

"Hi hon. It's really good to see you." Kate said. "How's it going?"

"Good, I had an audition yesterday that I think went really well. They want to see me again tomorrow."

"Well done, that sounds great."

"You were amazing last night, Kate. My god I had no idea."

"Thank you. I was so angry when Ed sprung it on me. But it was so exhilarating. He wants me to be the support act for the next leg. Actually he wants to sign me as a solo artist."

"Kate! That's amazing! Tom didn't tell me that!" she grabbed Kate's hands across the table, and then watched her face drop. "He doesn't know?"

"No. Ed only brought it up yesterday. It's not public knowledge and I want to keep it quiet until I decide."

"You haven't talked to Tom since yesterday though?"

"I haven't spoken to him since we started the tour. He wanted some space. We both needed some space to make some decisions."

"Oh honey. I don't even know what to say. You two are so amazing together, I don't understand."

"You said he told you what happened."

"He said some things were said, he didn't really go in to detail."

"Emma, your brother is an amazing man and I love him dearly. He basically told me if I was going to worry about him then we shouldn't get married."

"Huh?"

"For a man who is so well spoken, highly intelligent, and has such a way with words, he can say some stupid stupid things." Kate shook her head. "Luke thinks he's struggling with the idea that I don't need him any more. That I'm standing on my own feet, doing my own thing, and loving every second of it. Maybe he doesn't know where he fits in, and he thinks he's holding me back."

"Men are stupid."

Kate laughed loudly. "That is exactly what I said! So he told me to go away and think about it. And I am."

"And?"

"And I know what I want. I want to marry him. I want to be his wife. But not like this. I need him to see that it's a partnership, we're two individuals who have our own lives, and that works for us. We support one another, it doesn't always have to be one sided." She paused and thought for a moment.

"I want him to want to be with strong and confident Kate as much as weak and needy Kate. I'm proving to myself that I can have a career with or without him, that I can shine either way. I'm not doing it to hurt him or spite him. I want to be his wife, but I don't want to be just his wife. Sometimes he's almost too supportive, like he thinks if he doesn't push me I'll just give up and follow him around. Him and Luke made the decision for me to come back on tour, and they talked about me like I wasn't in the room! For a long time I didn't trust my own instincts, I didn't think I could be trusted to make my own decisions. I do now, and I want to. I feel like he's second guessing everything I do, he thinks I'll do whatever is right for him, not for me."

"You need to talk to him, Kate."

"I know. But I want him to take time and think about it too. And how do I know he wasn't giving me a way out because that's what he wants? Maybe he wants me to leave. Why else would he try so hard to talk me out of marrying him?"

"I know him better than most people, and I can tell you now he loves you. He wants to marry you, or he would never have asked. Tom doesn't do things like this lightly."

"He doesn't say things lightly, either. So why did he suddenly want me to not care about him?"

"He's trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"From him. From his lifestyle, most women would have run for the hills by now and you've embraced it and actually seem to love it. Maybe he thinks you're just trying to keep him happy. He doesn't want you to look back in a few years and wish you'd settled down with some regular joe and had the children and the house and the nine to five job."

"If I wanted that I wouldn't be marrying him! You see what I mean about him not trusting me to make decisions? He thinks I can't think for myself so he sent me away for a month to think! He thinks I'm marrying Tom the celebrity, the hugely successful actor on the red carpet with the screaming fangirls, and that's where it stops. That's part of him, but it's such a small part. The Tom I fell in love with is the one I spent a week with in LA, the kind, gentle, loving Tom. The man who was rendered speechless by little old me, who said he was in love with me after less than a week, who knew me well enough to send me the perfect guitar, not just the most expensive one. And the one who says goodbye to me at the airport without guilt or apology from either of us, because we're doing what we love, and being apart doesn't make me love him any less." Tears welled in her eyes and she looked down at the floor, taking a sip of coffee.

"Men are stupid," Emma said after a few moments, making Kate laugh. "Hiddlestons are no exception. Call him, Kate. Tell him."

"I can't yet. What if..." she drew a shaky breath. "What if he says he's changed his mind? He wants to be single and focus on his career like he was happily doing before. What if he doesn't want to marry me any more? There are moments where I feel so bulletproof that it doesn't matter. Most of the time the mere thought shatters my heart in to tiny pieces and I'm not sure I would survive."

"So you're going to ignore it for a bit longer, until you go back to Shreveport?"

"Pretty much."