As long as we both shall live [Tom Hiddleston]{EBT book 3 of 4}

Runaway

Luke had spent an hour and a half on the phone and answering emails. Tom was on the couch listening to his ipod, he had his script and some notes in his lap but his eyes were closed. He opened them and looked up when Luke walked past, removing his earphones.

"Where's Kate?" Luke asked.

"I think she went for a run,"

"Tom, that was more than two hours ago. She hasn't come back yet?"

"Nope."

"Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yes. And no."

"Is this about our conversation this morning? She's still raw, Tom. She thought she was going to lose you. The yelling was uncalled for but she has a reason to be worried."

Tom rubbed his temple absently. "Why do you ask if I want to talk about it if you're going to make me either way?"

"Because I'd rather hear it now than after she's gone. Because I know you. Because it's my job to make sure you don't make stupid mistakes, and I think you're about to."

"I haven't done anything. I asked her to think about whether this life is really what she wants. She shouldn't have to worry about me."

"No of course she shouldn't. Caring isn't what marriage is about at all. You weren't at all concerned about her during the trial, were you? And you didn't turn down a film to be there with her?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it," Tom stood up, heading in the direction of the bedroom.

"Well then just listen," Luke started. Tom didn't turn around but he stopped at the doorway. "As her publicist, if you're going to let her go so easily, if she means so little to you you'd push her away for caring too much about you. Just let her go. Break her heart and move on but do it quickly, don't draw it out while she plans your wedding. I want to manage Kate Allen, not 'the poor sod Tom Hiddleston left at the altar'. And as your publicist, and friend... you are making a huge mistake if you don't fix this, now. Today."

"She is everything to me, Luke. Don't you dare suggest otherwise. I just want to protect her."

"Do you honestly, when you look at her, see a woman in need of protection? You're always telling everyone how strong, confident, independent and gutsy she is. Is she so vulnerable? Have you seen how she has coped this week? Yes, I sent Zach to look after her. I wanted to make sure she ate and rested when she needed to. She doesn't need protection, Tom. I can't understand why I can see that but you don't." he paused for a moment and could see Tom rubbing his head again. "I'm starting to wonder if you fell in love with a woman who had lost her confidence and had no belief in herself, and now that she's found that and is absolutely thriving you wonder what your role in her life is."

Tom couldn't take any more, his head pounded and his chest burned. He continued to the bedroom and closed the door, not looking back at Luke. Taking some painkillers with the bottle of water Kate had filled and left on his nightstand, he closed the heavy curtains and got under the covers.

Kate returned to the house, walking slowly and reluctantly. Opening the door, she spotted Luke at the table typing on his laptop. "I was wondering when you'd be back," he said without looking up. "Tom has gone back to bed."

"Good," Kate said. "That's, good, I guess. He needs to sleep." She went to the fridge for a drink of water.

"Kate,-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Luke."

"He didn't mean... he only said what he said because he loves you."

"Right. He's willing to let me go so easily because he loves me. Makes sense."

"No, he's willing to break his own heart because he thinks he's holding you back." Kate slumped in to a chair.

"Well that's just stupid. I don't need his permission, I never have. I can take care of myself, and I don't see how pushing me away is doing me any favours."

"You need to trust that he can take care of him self, too."

Kate grunted back at him as she took a mouthful of water.

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"I think you're going to tell me anyway." Luke caught the slightest hint of a smile.

"When you two met, he was completely taken with you. Intoxicated. Hooked. You get the idea... You might have been the same person, but you've changed a lot, too. You're so confident, you're thriving on stage, in public. It's actually something I'm really proud to be a part of, seeing how you've moved out of your teeny tiny comfort zone and come in to your own. Well, I think he felt needed before. He supported you and built you up and encouraged you, and now you might not need so much of that any more he's not sure where he fits in to your life. I think he expected every goodbye to be difficult, to be constantly asked when he was going to stop. And instead you're going in your own direction."

"So he needs me to need him?"

"Not necessarily, I think he's just not sure where to go from here. He wants to worry about you, but not the other way around. He thinks you shouldn't have to, that's his job not yours. He got used to spoiling you, and surprising you, and taking care of you. He likes to do that, and this is all foreign to him. You've turned his world on its head. He just needs to get used to it."

Kate thought for a few minutes in silence and then got up to have a shower. "Luke?"

"Mm?" he looked up as she walked past.

"Men are stupid."

"We prefer the term 'simple'."

Kate shook her head as she walked away. What Luke had said somewhat made sense, but it didn't explain or excuse what Tom had said. Standing under the warm shower she wondered if Luke was right. Because if he wasn't, she truly feared it might be over. And if he was, she shuddered at the idea of the way she was before, believing she deserved nothing good. So much work had gone in to where she was now, she had earned it, and she wasn't going to apologise for it. If Tom had to be needed to feel loved, to be needed by someone who lacked the energy to worry about anyone else because they were so broken themselves... he wasn't going to find that in Kate. Never again.