Just a Mass Effect 3 fanfic

The Party

(Back at the apartment, Jane, Liara, EDI, Jack, Ashley, Samara, Tali, Miranda, Kasumi, and Traynor all dry off from their relaxation in the hot tub and change back into their normal attire)

(Shepard, Thorne, Kaidan, James, Garrus, Galahad, Javik, Kirrahe, Grunt, Mordin, Thane, Legion, Jacob, Wrex, Zaeed, Joker, and Cortez all come back from a barroom brawl with a bunch of batarian thugs, and clean themselves up a little)

Glyph: What kind of party are you hoping to have tonight, Commander? I could set things up for quiet conversation, or would you prefer a more energetic evening?

Shepard: Energetic. It's time to blow off some steam

Glyph: Excellent choice, Commander. Allow me to cue up a series of popular nightclub tracks and drink lists. I will also modify my appearance to be more festive

(Glyph summons a holographic bow tie onto himself)

(As the party finishes getting set up, Grunt acts like the doorman)

Random Person: Hey! I heard there's a big party in there! Can we come in?

Grunt: No you can't. Go away

(Grunt presses the button to reject the randoms, and they leave)

Shepard: How's it going over here?

Grunt: You can't come in (Presses button). It's going good

Shepard: I see. Anyone interesting trying to get in?

Grunt: Not really. And you, get lost (Presses button)

(A batarian shows up, and before he can even say anything, Grunt says "no" and presses the button)

Shepard: Can I give it a try?

Grunt: Sure. Press this button and say no. But I'm telling you, it's ugly out there

Shepard: It can't be that bad, can it? Hello?

Party Girl: IS THIS COMMANDER SHEPARD?! OH MY GOOOOOOD!

Party Girl: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S YOOOOOU!

Deadpool: NOW I'M IN MASS EFFECT?! THE FUCKING HELL DID I JUST TAKE?!

Shepard: .... Grunt? Keep up the good work

Grunt: Will do. I told you already. No! Fake lip hair doesn't fool me, salarian! Yes I like pie, and no, you can't come in

(Grunt facepalms)

Grunt: Shepard does NOT have a half brother named sheppy the volus. Go away... You're selling cookies? Hmm... well... No, I shouldn't let you in. Damn

(Grunt grumbles as he presses the button, grumpy about not being able to get cookies)

Grunt: Definitely no mimes allowed! There's no box! There never was!

Wrex: You still practicing with that shotgun? Still remember that fast-reloading trick I taught you?

Tali: You know, I've taken care of myself these past few years

Wrex: I know. I'm old and I worry, even though my favorite quarian is all grown up and killing reapers

Tali: You're like the crazy headbutting uncle I never had

Garrus: So... anyone want to talk about their people's history?

Samara/Grunt: No

Thane: Not particularly