Just a Mass Effect 3 fanfic

Time Off

(Shepard, Thorne, Garrus, and Wrex walk into a bar and see Joker telling the bartender the story of how he hijacked a cerberus mech during the citadel attack)

Joker: And that's pretty much how it happened. Which why you should comp my drinks

Asari: No

Joker: Oh come on

Asari: I hardly believe what they're saying about Shepard. You? I don't think so

Joker: Ok, trying not to be offended there. Look, if Shepard were here-

Shepard: Ahem

Joker: Shepard! Hi...

Shepard: I'm Commander Shepard, and I'll vouch for my pilot. Jeff Moreau, more commonly known as "Joker" is a hero. Everyone in this room owes him their lives, myself included

Asari: I'm so sorry, Commander. I had no idea. Drinks are on me, Lieutenant

Thorne: No need. Put this gentleman's drinks on my tab

Joker: Uh... Thanks guys

Shepard: You can pay us back later

Wrex: So Garrus. What do turians usually do with their time off?

Garrus: Mostly, we make plans for what to do once we're back at work. I have some ideas for the Normandy's forward cannon

Shepard: You know what you need, Garrus?

Garrus: That mark 4 silencer scope I saw at the gun shop?

Shepard: Maybe some other time. What you need is a date. Maybe try asking Tali out

Garrus: Well... It sounds like a good idea on paper, but I have no skill with small talk

Thorne: It's ok. We all start somewhere. We can give you some pointers. But let's be honest. Tali does a lot of the talking. As long as you're a good listener, she'll really appreciate it

Garrus: Hmm... You're right. No time like shore leave to do it

Shepard: What brings you to the bar, Wrex?

Wrex: Escaping. Ever since we cured the genophage, it's been nothing but work

Shepard: The council been riding you?

Wrex: Bah! No! Not those pyjack shit slingers. It's the females, Shepard. Now that they're fertile again... I haven't slept in... I don't know how long

(Wrex's forehead rests on the table, making everyone's drinks do a little hop)

Asari: Here. You look like you could use one of these

(The asari hands Wrex a drink)

Wrex: Two more of these and a bag of ice

(Everyone looks away as Wrex puts the bag of ice down his pants and onto his 4 nuts)

Wrex: Ugh. And I thought Mordin's procedure was painful

Joker: I thought you'd be enjoying the... perks of krogan fertility

Wrex: Enjoying it?! There's a line of females outside of my dwelling right now! I had to sneak out my own bathroom window! Even then I was cornered by two females on the ride from Tuchanka

Garrus: So it's just you? They're not... spreading the love around?

Wrex: Sure, but everyone wants for their firstborns in generations to be strong and fit. And since Grunt took off first chance he got, it's been up to me. I'm the leader of clan Urdnot, and I brought an end to the genophage. Everyone on Tuchanka wants a piece of me. And Eve's no help at all. She encourages it! I'm telling you, Shepard. I was barely able to handle those mercs. I'm in no shape to fight reapers