WHO'S YOUR BABY DADDY?! (1D Parody)

Hi my name is Helvetica but everyone calls me Veti. my hair is this pretty long brown and comes to my belly. i never brush it or anything, because i never really care. but it still seems to look pretty... but ya know... whatever. my eyes are green, sparkly of course, and are really big. they make me look innocent and i find a lot of guys staring at me for it, but ya know, whatever. i might have an ideal body, but i still feel a little insecure, ya know? I dont knw y, but i do.

I cheked the time; 7 am. Oh noodles, I need to get to workkk!!!!!!

*At work*

i found Clarissa doing the booty-bump in the starbucks kitchen. she didnt knw i was there and when she turned arond i starting to laugh. then, because im such a nice person and never do anything wrong, i stopped laffing and joined her. we were doing the dance for around five minutes before my ugly boss, Bob, walked in and yelled at us. I began to cry... i hated mean ppl. clarissa saw tht i was cryin and walked away. HOW COULD SHE?!? AFTER ALL WEVE BEEN THROUGH??!?

i sniffled, to wipe the tears awy and walked bak to da registar. Ppl were waitin in line and were getting mad and shit. i started to feel like cryin more, cuz i have like da worst life evr and i was doing my best. ppl culd be so mean at times to me. my dad abused me when i was five, me momma used to let me smoke when i was ten then made me stahp cuz she was mean. ive been so broken evr since than.

"I'M SORRY! CANT YOU SEE IM TRYING!" Me yelled. the Crowd went quiet and i sniffled back meh tears. suddenly everyone looked sorry so i just turned around and crossed my arms. ppl begn to gasp in back of meh and i turned around to see.

OH NO.

in came in five ANNOYING but a little cute--wait, what am i saying?!??? Ugh, no... they were ugly and terrible and weird and annoying and yeah. Me went bak to workin lik i didnt see em, cuz i wanted to be not an ordinary girl. then, of course, becuz im so undeniably beautiful and perfect, each one walked ovr each othr to get to me station.

"HI! DO YOU SELL CARROT RELATED BEVERAGES!??!?!?!" the one in stripes asked.

"CAN I BUY EVERYTHING ON THE MENU OR WILL I GET SENT TO JAIL?!!?!?!" the one with blonde and irish accent said. he was kinda cute---i mean not! LOL.

"HEYYYYY SEXY LADYYY! I think our hotness would make nice babies, wanna go out?" The one with curly hair said.

"OH HELL NAH! LOUIE DID YALL TOUCH MEH HAIR? WHERES THE BATHROOM?" the one in the varcity jacket said.

"Guys, guys, calm down. Look at this poor girl sent from heaven... she's obviously been crying. Don't worry, hun, I'm daddy directioner, so im here for ya." The one in the plaid shirt said.

I looked at them then wiped the tears from meh eyes. they were kinda cute... but no! I hate their type of music! I only listen to the good bands like screamo and metal... Big time rush is so my fave im going to there concert next month.

"CALM YO TITS!" i yelled. the boys went silent. i smiled. "What's yo order?'

*later*

So... like... the boys left me wit der numbers in my arms...

"If you ever need a carrot, call me ;)" The boy named Louie said.

"I have food. Lots of food. Food that you will never get fat on because ur perfecto. Call me!" the irish Nialler said.

"Babe, lets cut to the chase, im sexy and i know it, and ur really fine too... calm ME instead of these losers. I'll show you a good time ;)" the one named Harry said.

"Ok, your obviously not hotter than me cuz... lets face it.... no one is. but... you pretty so just call me." the one named Zayn said.

"Did I hurt your hand writing it down? OH GOD! IM SO SORRY! HERE LET ME.... OH NO I SMUDGED IT ALL OVER YOUR HAND! HERE! LET ME GET A NAPKIN! OH NO! BUT YOU SET ALL THIS STUFF BY YOURSELF! YOU HEAVENLY ANGEL YOU!" the one named Liam said.

In the end i got all da boys numbers... now which one to call? Hmmm....

A/N: SHOCKER! CLIFF HANGER! Ok, hi, I'm Dani, and this is my portion of Juls and I's really bad and cliche fanfic. This is meant as a joke and for us to fool around. We're mocking the clicheness of most fanfictions out there, and decided this would be a healthy way to extinguish our irritation. Trust me, we're both better authors than this, and it KILLS me to write in such poor demeanor, but it's kinda fun not caring about ur writing and making it funny. Now I know why they write so... ugh Anyways... I'm gonna wash my laptop's keys from such poor writing. Until next time!

Never in your heart,

-Dani