Once again, like when the clock strikes 12, cinderella has lost her magical happy fairytale of a persona and so have I. After the multiple incidents that happened with my mum and family basically, I've been closed off and wasn't sure if I should open myself up. But I made an error in judgment (as always), and opened up too much which has led me to be crying and isolated in the carpark while it's pouring.
This time round, the attack was stealthy and unpredictable. It was after a filling and hearty dinner that ended on a somewhat good note. My guard was down. I was asked to drive us all back and of course, I couldn't say no. Well I tried, but they wouldn't take no for an answer and thinking it was a short drive I just did. However, it began pouring heavily and my road vision became obscured. Aside from that, I had my grandmother AND mother practically yelling at me to slow down when I was going at 55-60km/h on an 80km/h highway.
"You're just a learner/beginner driver!" My mother yells and continuously shouts at me to slow down when I am already slowed down. I do slow down to like 40km/h and was still shouted at to drive even slower. I say that I'm already at 40km/h and she says "it doesn't matter what speed you're at, you must slow down". I'm just like what the fuck do I do when your pace is literally measured by your speed?? Comparing to how it is an 80km/h highway and I'm driving at 60km/h. Mathematically, I have decreased in velocity by 20km/h. But I go even more and drive at 40km/h, which is another decrease of 20km/h in speed. Now can anyone tell me, did I drive faster or slower?
Oh and that's not all. Each time we get driven, we are forced to say thank you to whoever drove us back. That was when my parents drive us around and we had to thank them. But despite driving in the blizzard rain and making it home, I don't get any thanks and have everyone abandon me in the car. That's enough to see how important I am to them and how much respect they have for me. None.
But I really am a fool. Setting myself up each time just to be beaten down again by words that drip with toxicity and vileness. I don't care how many times it takes, but each time I am growing resistant to the pain and eventually, whether the poison is to kill me or heal me, it doesn't really matter.
And no, father, you cannot be cruel to be kind. You're just cruel.
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Broken but not Destroyed
Historia CortaDo you feel like the whole world is against you? Feeling as though life is such a damn pain and sometimes you just wanna bang your head on a wall or possibly just disappear? if you do, guess we're in the same boat. this is an autobiography of my l...
