There's something quite thrilling or calming, perhaps both, about wandering the streets at night. The last time I did this was when I was around 12 and my family was on a ski trip in France. There were some family friends I was supposed to meet for dinner but I couldn't find them, and ended up wandering by myself in the snow behind houses, hiding from the workers there who might've thought I was lost.
But I wasn't lost, I could find my way back to the house but I wanted to just explore this independence and tranquility of being alone. Being by myself, away from people, away from their expectations of me, the pressure of having to excel or perform or look good or satisfy. This was the only time I was able to enjoy my own company but I never did it again until today.
19 August 2022, I am sitting on a bench in a park and walked about 20 minutes from my usual bus stop to reach here. It's so quiet, just me and my music. Just me and my thoughts. Tried to sort out my thoughts but I can't find any resolution and I probably won't. I just want to vent, to share, to not feel like a disappointment to anyone.
At this point I feel helpless, but not like I've never felt this before. But I am more aware now and I find it more of a curse. I am too aware of my emotions and thoughts that it's driving me insane. I overthink and I just can't stop. It's a toxic behavior but I do it so much it has formed a part of my personality.
I know my mindset about my family, my boyfriend, friends, people and myself are wrong but I can't help still thinking those things because they were true.
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Broken but not Destroyed
Short StoryDo you feel like the whole world is against you? Feeling as though life is such a damn pain and sometimes you just wanna bang your head on a wall or possibly just disappear? if you do, guess we're in the same boat. this is an autobiography of my l...
