Broken but not Destroyed

blow wind blow

In mindfulness, there's this technique called "leaves on a stream" and the idea is to place your thoughts/ feelings on the leaf, and watch it drift away in the stream.

When i was first introduced to this, being as skeptical and stubborn as ever, i had many doubts and resistance towards such an abstract and intangible way to cope with my thoughts and feelings. But after having been through ACT (acceptance & commitment therapy), i've realized the art and beauty of acceptance and letting things drift past me without placing any judgement or effort into it. Many a times i put way too much emphasis and try so hard to change what my parents think about me, what my friends think about me etc., when i know i can't change someone else's opinion of me. if my parents see me as a failure, an entitled stubborn and illogical child, as they have always parroted over 10 years since i was an actual child, then so be it. i don't see much worth in myself, because im imperfect and make mistakes, i am emotional, stubborn and can be very direct/stoic in my tone which come off as "rude"- according to my mother. And it's fine that i don't exactly hate myself, but also don't love myself to the full extent of ignoring my flaws.

But i'm no longer going to let what my parents repeatedly say about me hurt me and lower my self worth, especially when i know for a fact that what they say is not true. And i'm proud of myself for being able to reach this state of mind and level of acceptance so i'm able to function in life.

Recently, there were two back to back scenarios of my parents "attacking" me with their negative comments about my personality again, and i would like to boast of my composure that allowed me to not get heavily affected by what they said.
1) The first scenario was when my mum asked me how things were going with my current boyfriend, and whether we are compatible. I said yes because while i'm more of an emotional thinker, he is a logical thinker. And she jokingly agreed that i'm always illogical and don't make sense. Now i absolutely hate it when my parents say this to me and discount my intelligence (which they always have since i was a child). But surprisingly, instead of getting mad or going back to room to bawl my eyes out, I laughed it off (not in a fake way) and accepted that it's true to an extent.

2) The second scenario was during a car ride when we were talking about our holidays and accommodations. i casually mentioned that i didn't find any of the hotels we've stayed in to be particularly amazing or spectacular (never got to elaborate but basically i said that cause i feel that most of the hotels we stay in have the same structure and layout). Of course, my parents jumped on the band wagon of shaming me and calling me entitled. I just ignored them and continued to say I really liked the small Japanese apartment that we stayed in apart from having to share a room with them. Later on, my mum said I have weird standard to which I replied "I thought I'm entitled" and she said "You are entitled, but with a weird standard". Now old me, would've gotten really offended from the start and would've became snarky, annoyed and paggro. But new-acceptance-me, did not let a cheap, small comment like that take me down.

I'm basically sick and tired, of letting my parents continue to break my spirit and play it off as a "joke" and call me sensitive or emotional. And since they have never acknowledged the hurt they've caused me or will ever attempt to change their ways in treating me, there's simply no point in me dwelling on such trivial things.

I don't love myself, but I'm not going to hate myself for what they say to me.