As if I'm not already used to having bitter arguments and dealing with the aftermath of excruciating heartbreak that is weighed down by tonnes of overwhelming frustration and disappointment. Yet, each time it happens, I go through the same turmoil of emotions and thoughts and resort to bawling my eyes out and internally tattooing in my heart that I won't trust anyone again.
Why is that communication, something that is seemingly so easy, is actually so damn hard?
The answer is that we are all wearing different colored lenses and we don't even know it. Whatever we say or think is our reality, but may be a nightmare to others. Despite knowing this, I can't help but wear my tinted lenses of injustice and betrayal around me. I walk out when the fight is too big and when I'm not being heard, thinking that I'm doing him a favor or possibly myself a favor. But today I woke up to a nightmare that was brushing the brink of reality and the feeling of loss and emptiness slowly consuming me. In a dream, I actually now knows what it feels like, to be ignored and abandoned all of a sudden. The confusion, the shame, the desperateness of wanting him back. I always tell myself that sadness is only sad because I make it that way. But perhaps not everything is construed by our faulty minds and we are simply just reactive agents to the poison that the world has spilled onto us. Maybe we just need to accept the fact that we are all just imperfect and that we all make mistakes. But is that something we can really do when we still want to be the best version of ourselves and not hurt the ones we love? Do you see the dilemma of good and evil in your heart and which is weighing heavier?
I want to be how I used to be, open up and feel free and happy but something is pulling me back and building sky high walls around my heart to protect me. I don't know who I am anymore and who I want to be, for I am afraid of getting hurt and not being able to cope with the pain. We are who we make ourselves out to be, but when we look through our tinted glasses, how can we be our true selves when all we see is war?
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Broken but not Destroyed
Short StoryDo you feel like the whole world is against you? Feeling as though life is such a damn pain and sometimes you just wanna bang your head on a wall or possibly just disappear? if you do, guess we're in the same boat. this is an autobiography of my l...
