Cowboy Diaries - a Jon Bon Jovi fan fiction

12: The Answer

9. September 1991, Cedars Sinai Medical Center LA

Jon's  POV

The baby boy looked at me through big brown eyes. He tried to get a grip of my necklace or the end of my hair but his movements were still too uncontrolled for that. I couldn't help but let out an 'aww' and a big smile. How could something be so cute?

One hour ago the hospital staff had finally agreed to lead me to Julie and since then there happened a lot: I was met by two other men and somehow got into a fight with them. After we all calmed down Julie told me that indeed one of him, Benny, was the father of the kid.

I had some kind of breakdown after that. I didn't even know why. I didn't even know what answer I would have wanted. I guess it was just all too much.

All the stress that build up in me finally could have an end now as I knew the answer. At least I thought that.

But then a group of reporters banged against the door and tried to get my attention. They somehow had found out I was here and then they of course searched for the next big story. That was the last thing anybody could need in such a situation.

I mean how disrespectful can people get? Disturbing one of the most intimate and important moments in someone's life. Even though it was not my family how it turned out. 

But I destroyed that magical moment for Julie, and of course for the father too.

We all had come to the agreement that I don't interfere the new familie's life any further, when it comes to parenting rights or something. But I still was allowed to visit them if I wanted to and I was happy with that. 

During the last hour I really had learned to love this little human and it was hard to let go. With disregard to any problems that would come with that, I realized I really would have wanted to be the father.

I finally let the thought get trough in my head that I actually wanted a kid of my own. I always thought I was not ready for it. But I guess you never really would be. 

But I would have tried to be the best dad possible and I now thought I could do that. I was almost turning 30. 

If this whole trouble was good for anything then for the realization that I somehow had to start a new chapter in my life. A chapter that is not just about me, or my records.

A chapter that is about love and family and caring for each other...

 As I left the hospital I felt so lonely and at the same time angry at myself. Other people my age had established a life by now. And me, I had nothing. Just some stupid gold and platinum trophies hanging unnoticed in my big empty house.

I didn't want to go back there. I needed to get away from this. And I already knew how. It was time to get out my Harley again and get some new input. Just far away from here...

12. September 1991, Jon's New York house

I was in the middle of packing for my road trip as the phone rang. Slightly fed up I interrupted what I was doing and went into the living room. I couldn't even say hello, my mother already had begun talking to me angrily. 

"Can you explain to me what the hell this has to mean? When were you going to tell us, huh?".

I really did not know what she wanted from me.