Cowboy Diaries - a Jon Bon Jovi fan fiction

31: Love Lies

20. April 1992, Wembley Stadium, London

Dorothea's  POV

"Oh. Sorry. I'm really sorry." 

I just mumbled without looking up. I didn't want anyone to see me like that. 

"It's ok." I heard a woman say. 

That voice seemed familiar. Without even noticing it, I had lifted my head. Just to look in the more than perfect face of Cindy Crawford. Suddenly I got really nervous. I still wasn't used to all the stars walking around here. Even though it was nothing new for me, being the wife of a rock star.

"Wait, you're Dorothea Bongiovi, aren't you?" 

I was surprised she even knew my name. And that she wasn't just calling me 'Jon Bon Jovi's wife' like all the other people. 

I shyly nodded. 

"Nice to meet you" she kept on talking. "I'm Cindy." she added. As if I didn't know that already. Her face was flashing from everywhere when you went shopping. Her smile appeared on posters, tv screens, clothing magazines.

If I hadn't already felt bad enough before bumping into her, I did now. She was just so perfect. Surely she could have any man she wanted. 

Defined cheekbones, natural beauty, long shiny hair and expressive eyes, all perfected with that self-conscious smile. Like no one could ever do something bad to her. She just said power and beauty all through her appearance. 

Maybe that was the sort of woman Jon was interested in. Yeah, why would he want me, an average girl from Jersey, when he could have her and so many others?

I felt uglier the more I just stood there. I had enough of celebrities for now, even though Cindy seemed real nice. But I just wanted to head back to Jon and I's hotel now, spend some time alone. Because I knew he was occupied otherwise right now.

So I tried to confidently say goodbye and excuse myself to make a phone call for a taxi. But I couldn't control my voice anymore. I just tried to conceal the whimpering sounds my voice unintentionally made, indicating that I was on the edge of crying again. 

Damn, I couldn't even control my body. I'm such an embarassement. No wonder why Jon doesn't want to go out with such an emotional wreck. 

I should be smiling confidently by his side while I was looking pretty. But I couldn't fulfill this expectations I just thought Jon had about me. Even though I hadn't even talked with him yet.

"Hey, now first you take a small break before you run off to somewhere. Come on, I'll show you my room and we can get us a drink. How's that sounding?" 

I nodded, still afraid to use my weak voice again, but added a small smile. Even though I wanted to go away as far as possible right now I had to admit that being with someone right now gave me comfort. 

And I felt honored that one of America's greatest supermodels found me worth enough to want to spend time with me. But still my insecurity told me that that was just her being polite.

I was sitting on a dressing room couch for a few minutes now as Cindy came back with some fancy looking cocktails. By now I had managed to stop my crying and after taking a first sip of the probably expensive drink I asked for a bathroom to wash my face which was still covered in tears. As I came back I felt much better and even a bit more confident. 

"So how did you get to know Jon?" I finally added something to the conversation which had previously been very one-sided. 

"Oh, I met him at a couple award shows, just last year I saw him at the VMA's for example."

"Oh true, I remember having seen a picture of you with him." 

"Really? Yeah, he was a very nice guy. We had lots of fun." 

Even though it was clear she didn't mean it in a sexual context I could'nt help but wonder with how many backstage girls and models Jon had done it already.

Cindy seemed to sense my change of mood and laughed. 

"Oh no honey, not in that way. You not really think that? He loves you to pieces. You think any of us girls means just half as much to him as you?" 

"Maybe a lot more." I muttered under my breath. 

Cindy gave my a confused look. That's when I couldn't hold it back anymore, I started to talk about that girl, about Axl, and just about everything that had happened on that fucking annoying day. I didn't care anymore that she was basically a stranger. 

 I needed somebody where I could let out all my frustation and confusion. Damn why did days always have to end like that? Why couldn't I be happy with Jon anymore, like it used to be. Just as I thought we had made it, we could trust each other again, he had to destroy it. 

This day was supposed to be beautiful and respectful. Honoring Freddie together. But it just ended up as a fucking ego show cause these men never seemed to grow up, they just stayed foolish ignorant pussies.

Cindy just laughed at my emotional outburst. But then she said that men were just men. They were basically big kids who had to prove themselves. And when they meet other kids they of course try to impress. 

Be it with the concert, with showing that they are stronger and more powerful than the other one, or simply by showing that they could get the hottest chicks. 

"He doesn't mean it that way. Believe me. I bet he's looking all over for you right now, feeling bad about himself."

And really, she had been right. A couple minutes later I saw him sticking his blonde head inside our room. Completely unaware that he might have done anything wrong. 

"Here you are my love. I've been looking all over for you."

I wanted to shoot back a sarcastic comment but I managed to control myself. I remembered Cindy's words. Big kids. She must know. With that many men she already met. I felt my mouth forming to a smile.

"What?" Jon asked, completely unaware. 

"Oh, nothing." Be both girls said in unison. "We've just come to the conclusion that all you men are just little kids. Big rock star ego, but just wanting to be loved in the end." 

"Really? Is that so?" Jon teased before he wanted to sneak his arms around me. 

Even though I wasn't angry anymore, at least not now yet again, I was way too proud of him after his performance, I took a step away from him. 

"Not now cowboy. We need to have a serious talk when we're home." 

He looked at me still questioning. But I saw that he grew uncomfortable. Maybe he still wasn't aware that he did things wrong, but at least he still seemed to feel sorry.

After a couple more minutes we said our goodbye's to Cindy, hugging her and promising to stay in contact. 

Half an our later the taxi already drove into the hotel's driveway. Although Jon's actions had been shit that day, I still forgave him after a few hours. I did not want to ruin our relationship again with arguing. I was just happy I had him back again. 

Even though my trust issues didn't seem to fully disappear.