Cowboy Diaries - a Jon Bon Jovi fan fiction

34: Born To Be My Baby

30. April 1992, Paris, France

Dorothea's POV

As I opened my eyes because the bright sunlight had awaken me, I expected Jon to lay there beside me as I turned around. But he was nowhere to be seen. I called out to him but did get no response.

I sighed, standing up even though I'd rather have stayed in bed for a little longer. But I couldn't sleep anymore anyhow. As I entered the small hotel room which combined a living and a cooking area, I spotted my husband, hanging by the telephone, his head rested on his hand.

He still handn't changed into his clothes yet and so I was met with the sight of his bare chest. I would never get tired of that.

As soon as he noticed me approaching him he turned his voice down, even though I hadn't even overheard anything before. He gave me a short smile which I noticed looked a bit staged, then he gave me a sign to wait for a few minutes.

I didn't question it and just let him talk, probably it was Richie or someone other from his band.

But then I started to think about yesterday. I wondered if he still was upset about this whole kids topic. To be honest I just wanted to put off this conversation for a little longer.

Mainly because I hadn't made up my mind yet about what to think of it. This was something you did not decide after just one day considering it, in my opinion.

I still wondered if Jon was hurt by that, I knew how thrilled he would be to have a family. He always is so caring about everyone around us. And he'd be a great father, I knew that.

But I just wasn't ready yet. Even though I would turn 30 soon. Maybe now as we had this plans in mind it would grow on me, but I just did need a bit more time.

Still as I was thinking about it I saw Jon enter our bedroom again. I knew his mind was on the exact same topic, by his shy 'morning, baby' and uncertainty in his eyes about how to go on, trying to detect if I was angry at him or something.

"Who was it who called?" I asked to change the topic.

"It was me who called. Wanted to speak to mom."

"We have to talk about that again don't we?" I asked Jon. He just nodded, just like a child which knew that it wouldn't get the present it wished for and had to make a compromise.

"Well..." Jon started. "I talked to my mother, tried to get some advise from her because I really am clueless when it comes to founding a family. And I'm so sorry Dorothea. I shouldn't have just brought it up like that. I should've realized that you probably would've brought it up by yourself if you were ready.

I know that for you it may be a heavier weighing decision than for me. Not that I care any less about our baby, but you know what I mean. I'm not the one who is pregnant.

Who has to step back and make compromises, who has to bear all the physical pain. I know it's not fair. I wish I could take all this pain from you, all these worries. And I promise, when ever you decide it is time, I won't let you down..."

"I never considered you would be doing that."

"Of course, I know that darling. But I just want you to know that whatever happens, we're in this together, ok? And if you need years to be ready, or hell even if you don't even want kids, I will learn to accept that. Never would I pressure you to do anything you're not completely sure of."

I just nodded. Unable to say something because I started to feel tears building up in my eyes. I didn't know what it was these days that I always got so damn emotional.