insecure //newtmas au

Prologue

status// - edited

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love
lʌv/
noun
1.
a strong feeling of affection.//

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♣Newt's POV♣

"What would you like to talk about today Newton?" Kester says to me looking up from his notepad.

"Newt," I remind him.

"Sorry. Newt, what would you like to talk about today?" He says sighing.

I shrug and he looks at the floor disappointed. I've been turning up to these appointments for weeks. We've still not made any progress.

"Well you're just started your retake of year twelve, hows that going?" Kester says smiling.

"Ok I guess," I say bluntly staring into space, counting down the minutes until I can leave this blasted room.

"Made any friends?"

What am I? Five?

"Maybe," I reply biting down on my bottom lip. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

"Does this person have a name?" He says, eyes open glaring at me, daring me to answer.

"Thomas,"

"The new student in year eleven?"

"Yes..." I hiss.

"Gally said you've been having problems with opening up to people who care about you, love you even, recently,"

Nobody loves me.

And I love nobody.

"Nobody cares anyway," "and neither do I," I mutter pulling a cigarette out out of my bag. I was going to need it anyway. 

"I don't think that's true. You really need to start letting people in Newton," he says. And I scoff.

"You can't love anyone until you learn to love yourself Newt,"

"Bullshit," I whisper silently. Somehow thinking it was true. Hoping it was true, because I will never be able to love myself.

He opens his mouth, probably to ask more questions but I look over at the clock and see the time.

"Oh would you look at the time? Bye Kester,see you next week," I say as I get up and leave. Slamming the door on the way out. I hate that guy. Is he even a real councillor? Because I swear he talks a pile of shit half the time.

I turn the corner to be face to face with Thomas. Of course it had to be him, just because I made a bullshit story up about us becoming friend's.

I try to keep my gaze down as I slide to the left and attempt to get past Thomas.

"Hey??" I him say behind me but I keep walking. He wouldn't of been talking to me anyway.

"Hey?!" He says again and then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I jump and turn to be faced with Thomas, once again.

"Newton right?" He says to me smiling.

What?

"Er, Newt," I correct him.

"Thomas," he says and offers me his hand to shake but I don't take it. He coughs awkwardly and retracts it.

"So, erm, you're the year twelve retaker right?" He says letting out a little laugh.

Great. He's mocking me.

Yes, I am the idiot who was hospitalised last year so has to retake a year. Yep. That's me. I tell him in my mind.

He seems to catch on that he's been a twat because he says. "I didn't mean it like that," "I just, erm, Gally told me,"

"I'll bloody kill him," I mutter under my breath and walk towards the school gates but Thomas pulls me back again.

"Can I, erm, er, have your number?" He says shyly looking down at the floor.

"Look, what ever bullshit Gally has told you and what ever he's paid you to talk to me, I'll double it for you to leave me alone," I sigh pulling out my wallet and handing his twenty pounds.

"But he didn--"

"Bye Thomas," I say and shake myself out of his grip.

Walking out of school I notice Gally having a cigarette with Alby and some others.

I walk other to them and go to straight to Gally.

"You dick," I growl.

"What did I do this time?" He says as we walk home.

"Paid the new kid to be my friend, oh, and told him about me being hospitalised," I say raising my voice. "Don't pretend like you don't know,"

Gally mumbles under his breath and says bye to Alby and his other friends and tells me to walk with him. As we walk he talks.

"Dude, chill. Okay? The kid came to me and asked about you. Stupid idiot was asking all these shit ass questions, so I answered them. But I did not pay him at all, wouldn't spend shit on him," He says.

"Really?" I say questionably.

"Yeah," He says taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Great..." I say sarcastically. I've made a twat out of myself.

When we get home there is someone sat on the pouch.

Thomas.

Gally goes straight inside but I hang around outside to hear what Thomas had to say, I mean maybe he had a logical reason for asking about me.

"Hey..." He says awkwardly almost checking that things were cool and that i wouldn't knock him out. "I just came to apologise and to give you your money back," he says reaching into his pocket and handing me the twenty pound note back. "Sorry," He adds. Then gets up to leave. I hesitate. I want to just watch him walk away and never have to talk to him again, but some part of me is telling me to go after him and ask him in. So I do.

"Er, Thomas?" I say.

"Yeah?" He says turning back to face me,hopefully.

"Do you want to, erm, maybe, er, come in for a bit?" I say.

"Sure," He says to me smiling as he walks back towards me.

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I'm so bad at these things but I hope you enjoyed this chapter x

Please Vote/Comment/Share if you did.

I'll update asap xo

-char x