insecure //newtmas au

Chapter Sixteen

status// unedited
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♠️️Thomas' POV♠️

"I can't be with you," Newt says sobbing, "but I can't be without you either,".

I try to speak but he cuts me off.

"I love you Tommy. I've never loved anyone. But I love you, dammit, I couldn't even love myself and I still can't but I bloody love you!" He's screaming out by the end.

"Newt," I say moving towards him and pulling him towards me. Unexpectedly, he lets me, and cries into my shoulder.

"If... If we're going to do this. We nee to be honest with, eac--h oth-e-r," he says voice shaking and I nod in agreement.

I think he's going to ask me about me being his protector. But he doesn't. He asks something completely different and shocking.

"Have you and Gally been fucking?" he just blurts out like he's asking me the time.

I scoff.

"What?" I say laughing.

"You. And. Gally." He says then adds. "Have you been fucking my brother Tommy?" He says a tear rolling down his cheek.

"No. Newt no," I say and he looks unconvinced.

"You and him act weird around each other!" He says raising his voice.

"Right! Because him punching my lights out means we're secretly fucking doesn't it?! You're such an idiot sometimes Newt," I say sighing then add, "I love you, I've never loved another,"

He cracks a small smile.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice cracks a little. "I just. I can't lose you, but I need to lose you and I don't know what to do anymore," He admits running his hands through his hair self consciously.

"I just want you to be happy Newt," I admit.

"I'm happy with you," he says so quietly I'm sure I've misheard.

"I'll wait for you, I love you," I say walking towards him and kissing his forehead. When I go to pull away he pulls my head towards his lips and kisses me. I kiss back and before long we're playing tonsil tennis and I'm moaning into Newt's mouth. He grinds into me and I moan out his name. He goes to pull off my top but I stop him.

"We can't," I say and he pouts. "You're drunk,you would regret this in the morning," I say and he look at the floor but nods.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I say.

"Yeah, er, probably in the afternoon because my heads killing already," he says putting his hand to his head.

"I'll look after you," I say and he smiles.

"Doctor Tommy?" he says giggling a bit.

"Doctor Tommy," I confirm. I only let him call me Tommy, no one else. No one else can. No else has the right.

"Will you come home with me?" He says still slurring.

"Is that my booty call?" I say smirking and Newt winks.

He's adorable.

I can't keep lying to him. It's killing me inside. I love him. I love him.

I love him.

I can't keep lying to him.

"Newt.." I try to say but notice he's fallen asleep in my grasp. Great I was finally going to tell him and now I can't. I pick him up bridal style and walk towards my house. He would be better at mine that his. His mum would go bananas if she saw him like this.

"Do you wanna know something Newt?" I say.

He grumbles in his sleep.

"My job was to get to know you. To protect you. To make sure you didn't hurt yourself. But we fell in love with each other and now I'm the reason you hurt yourself, and I'm sorry." I say getting emotional. I fight back the tears that I can feel coming.

Newt turns in my arms and then falls back asleep.

Is this the best thing for him?

Never knowing?

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Hello! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm sorry for still not updating regularly I still feel really down at the minute and I don't want to express that through my writing so yeah.. Sorry.

Much love to you all x

-char x