insecure //newtmas au

Chapter Nineteen

status// - edited

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♣Newt's POV♣

It's been two weeks since Thomas left.

I feel empty most of the time.

They sectioned me at the hospital, they say I'm a danger to myself and others, but I don't think I am.

Today I'm finally being released from this prison, sorry I mean hospital.

Thomas hadn't had any contact with me since he left. I hear he's been in contact with Minho though but he won't tell me what he said.

When I get home I go straight up to bed, Gally knocks on my door. "Come in," I mutter. He walks in, he looks sad, ashamed.

"I just wanted to say how sorry I am that I was never really here for you, always high or out. I'm sorry Newt, I'm such a shit brother. But mostly I'm sorry about Thomas," He sighs then continues. "He did things wrong and really fucked up. He messed up bad, but he loved you Newt," Gally looks at me right in the eyes as he said it.

Loved.

Past tense.

"I know, okay?" I mutter, I can feel my eyes watering. "I don't want to talk about Tommy okay? He's gone," The tears fall and I don't stop them.

"Hey, hey,hey," he says quietly. "it's okay," He says wrapping his arms around me.

But it's not okay.

It's never been okay.

I had such a short space or happiness with Thomas, and it was all based on a lie.

Kester was right, you can't love anyone until you love yourself.

I thought I loved Thomas.

I thought he loved me.

But no.

"I just thought I'd tell you before you hear it from someone else..." He pauses. "Thomas is back for the weekend,"

"Why?" I almost shout. Why does he have to come back and ruin everything again.

"Last I heard, his parents said they didn't want him, he was too much trouble and they'd rather Chuck had been there's rather than him," Gally says.

My heart breaks.

I might not like what he did to me, but he didn't do it on purpose to hurt me. He did it so nothing DID hurt me, he just didn't realise that I might of had the gun, but he pulled the trigger. He doesn't deserve to be disowned by his own family.

I pick up my phone, which I haven't been able to have access to for the last two weeks.

I had Ten Messages.

All from Thomas.

Thomas; I know you hate me right now but I don't know what to do and I just need to hear your voice