𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒐𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝑬𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊 // 𝑺𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘 & 𝑩𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑭𝑭

𝟐𝟔. 𝑫𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆

Do you want to meet all my monsters?
Think you're tough, I know they'll drive you bonkers
Meet them once and they'll forever haunt ya

There's no heroes or villains in this place

Just shadows that dance in my headspace
Leaving nothing but phantoms in their wake (their wake)

There's parts of me I cannot hide (cannot hide)

I've tried and tried a million times (ooh)La-da-da-di-da
La-da-da-di-da
La-da-da-di-da-da

Cross my heart and hope to die

Welcome to my darkside

I turned my eyes anywhere but him. I didn't want to look at him for I feared what I could see. Two broken souls scarred with wounds from their demons, playing a dangerous game of trust and love. At least what I believed in. What appears right before my eyes. I would've killed him with my bare hands if I hadn't these chains around my wrists. And yet I would find myself mourning. Grieving for this loss. I was angry. Angry with myself, angry with my treacherous heart for not listening to my mind, for longing for him, for loving him, loving that part in which he appeared human. But I had to make my peace with it being lost. Gone. Taken away brutally and harshly. Ripped apart. But I am in denial. Terrible, heart shattering denial eating me alive. I felt Ivan's gaze every now and then during our ride to the Grisha Camp and when I glared right back at him he would scoff with a smirk. As if his statement from long ago has proven its validation. Know your place, Raven. Rang through my ears. He told me that when I was sent on a mission with him and Fedyor. I thought I had my little revenge when he came to pick me up to meet Aleksander before leaving for our 'hunt' as he called it, when I thought I was finally above Ivan, but no. I wasn't. And I suppose...I was never really above anyone. It was all a lie. Just given the feeling I was more. Better. Important. The first choice. But no. I was nothing. I am nothing. Soon the carriage came to an halt as we stepped out of it one by one. Aleksander would stop and look over his shoulder at me, waiting for me to tag along. I would see them drag Alina inside a tent and yet my eyes wandered across the Grisha Camp we arrived at. But my breath stopped. I gasped and felt my heart sink to my stomach and my face getting pale, abruptly stopping my pace, my chains rattling in front of me and I refused to continue, to walk along when I saw two figures in chains and my eyes widened.

"No.." I whispered shakily.

"Raven." Aleksanders husky voice called.

I lunged. Lunged towards the figures only to feel a strong grasp around my upper arm pulling me back. Dragging me away and along. And as I stumbled and tripped along I didn't divert my eyes one second away from them. My eyes were plastered on them. I saw Sebastian and Avaline a few meters away from me in chains with lowered heads, dirt on their Kefta and faces and hair. Avaline's perfectly platinum blonde straight hair covered in dirt and her eyes red and swollen, her hands in chains same as mine right in front of her wrist to wrist. Sebastian looked angered. His chains rattling when he turned himself to completely face me, his kefta with dirt spots and drag marks like he was dragged on the ground but when he faced me, his anger turned into a soft expression for a moment, a relieved one. They looked horrible, as if they have been dragged through mud and went through horror, until Avaline rose her head and met my eyes. Her eyes widened.

"Raven!" Avaline called out in an instant as she tried to lunge towards me but the chains held her back. "Raven!" she called louder.

"No! Let me go to them!" I called as I haven't looked away from them. Aleksander pulled me along with him on my elbow. "Please!" I begged, grabbing his sleeve somehow with my chained hand, pulling him back to me. "Let me talk to them!" I pleaded but when I looked at him he remained cold. He let out a sigh, raising his head, stopping in his pace and turning his body to me, looking in the distance or over me just so he wouldn't look me in the eyes as I begged him and pulled his hand away from my grasp as he grabbed me on my elbow again, pulling me harshly along. Not answering my pleading. Directing his gaze in front of him again and I saw his jaw muscle pop. My head shot towards them again as I saw sadness and fear in their eyes. They needed my help. They needed me. And I was powerless. I left them hanging the day I left the Little Palace with Aleksander. Guilt was consuming me. I am to blame. I left them, I didnt't instruct them or told them anything that was truly happening, and the guilt, the feeling of powerlessness was ripping me apart. And it only adds up to my miserable state and heavily clouded and tired mind and body. I gulped, my eyes felt heavy and I just felt tired. It has been a long and tiring journey. All of it. Seeing Avaline and Sebastian here in their state made me worry about the rest. My mind was racing with the thoughts whether Jordin, Larissa, Adonis and Helena were here as well and wondering whether they are unscathed. Wondering whether Adonis and Helena know what happened to their lovers and if they saw them being taken away. They must be heartbroken..are they also somewhere here put in chains..?