It was Alcohol Awareness week at McKinley High School, but Puck and Rachel were in the middle of planning a party that would go against everything the school was trying to teach. Santana had dragged Venus to the party, saying 'if I have to go, then you do too'. She was sitting with Sam on the couch, a wine cooler in hand. She rests her head on his chest and sighs, "I'm bored. Can I fall asleep on you?" She asks, raising her head to look at him with puppy dog eyes. He looks down and smiles at her, taking that as a yes, she lays her head back down. "Let's party!" Venus hears Rachel yell, and everyone cheers around them.
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Everyone was blackout drunk, except for Finn, who was the designated driver, and Kurt, who wanted to impress blaine. "Ok, Rachel, since this is your first time at this thing, I'm going to break it down for you. Guys and girls fall into... certain archetypes when they get drunk. Exhibit A: Santana, the weepy hysterical drunk. Lauren Zises and Quinn, the angry girl drunks. Brittany, also known as the girl who becomes a stripper... drunk. Mercedes and Tina, happy girl drunks. And Venus the touchy drunk," Finn tells Rachel. They look over to Venus who's sitting in Sam's lap, running her finger up and down his chest.
"God you're so hot," Venus tells Sam, kissing up his neck. "Like a god sculpted you or something," She says hovering over his lips. She doesn't say anything more and closes the gap between them, kissing him harshly. Rachel suggests spin the bottle and Venus pulls away to look at Sam for a yes or no. When he gives her a nod she grabs his hand and pulls him towards the circle, sitting right next to him and holding his hand.
When it's Venus' turn to spin the bottle, she squeezes Sams' hand before letting go to spin the bottle. She watches the bottle spin before it lands on Brittany. Everyone around them 'oo's' and Brittany and Venus lean in, kissing each other for a while. When they pull apart, everyone around them 'whoops' and Venus is pulled into Sam's lap. "Do you wanna stop playing?" Venus asks Sam quietly, running her finger up and down his arm. "Do you wanna stop?" Sam asks. She looks over towards the couch and Sam follows the gaze then looks back at her. "We can stop," He tells her quickly, she gets off his lap and grabs his hand then pulls him towards the couch. She pushes him on the couch, then climbs in his lap, and starts kissing him.
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Venus, Sam, Puck, Quinn, Artie and Brittany walk into school together with pounding headaches. They were still hungover from the party, even two days later. Venus was even still a little drunk. They walk up to where Tina, Santana, Mike, and Mercedes were walking down the hall, hearing the end of their conversation. "Can we talk about anything else?" Tina asks. "How 'bout some Bloody Marys y'all?" Artie asks. "Are you kidding me? The last thing I want to do is drink," Mercedes tells him. "It'll help your hangover. It's what Bloody Marys are for. Hair of the dog that done bit your ass," Artie says, raising the canister up. He pours them a drink and when he gives one to Venus, she pretends to drink it, holding it in her mouth.
As Venus watches them singing down the hallway, Artie crashing into stuff, she runs to the bathroom and spits out the drink, not wanting to get more drunk at school. She walks out of the bathroom and catches up to them quickly, walking to the auditorium, and sitting with Sam on the spinning couch.
Blame It On The Alcohol - Artie - Mercedes - Santana - Puck
"Well done, you guys. I mean, you always bring it with the singing and the dancing. But what I was really impressed with today was your acting. I truly thought that some of you guys were drunk," Mr. Schue claps, impressed. "We take our craft serious," Artie tells him. Problem is- that-that song is great...but it- it kind of glorifies drinking, don't you think? I mean, we're supposed to sing about the dangers of alcohol for this assembly." Mr. Schue questions them.
"Well, good luck finding a song that does that," Mercedes says. "Mr. Schue? First of all, that vest is very cute. You are all kinds of awesome.But second, maybe there's really no songs about the dangers of drinking...because there's really none, as long as you have a proper designated driver." Rachel speaks up, wobbling over to Mike to keep her balance. "Have I ever told you how great you are?" Rachel tells Mike and Tina comes over to grab him from her.
"Well, Rachel, yeah, driving drunk is dangerous. And have you guys ever heard of alcohol poisoning? Yeah, it kills about 400 people every year. Santana, are you- Are you crying?" Mr. Schue asks Santana. Everyone turns to look at Santana as she cries then turns to look at Venus when she starts crying too. Venus waves them off, and they turn to look back at Santana when she speaks up.
"I'm okay. I'm okay." She reasures them, hiding into Brittany. "You're such a hypocrite. You drink. Most adults do." Quinn says hands on her hips. "I may have a beer every now and then, but I don't- I don't get drunk." Mr. Schue tells them. "We're just saying this is a waste of time.
We're totally aware of alcohol. We see adults drinking it and having fun. Every commercial during NASCAR is for beer." Puck says. "Okay. Enough, guys. Look, tomorrow, come with your thinking caps on... because we're gonna spend the entire day...brainstorming ideas for songs to sing at this assembly." Mr. Schue tells them.
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"Quiet, please. Quiet, please, children. I would like to wish you and yours...a healthy and happy Alcohol Awareness Week.Unfortunately, Kitty Dukakis could not be here... because of disinterest. But Lima Police Chief Lawrence Krowley...is here to show you a grisly slide show of auto accidents. Take it away, Chief." Principal Figgins says, as the Glee Club are freaking out behind the stage. "You guys, I'm really nervous." Brittany tells them, looking out of the curtains. "Ke$ha's been a cultural icon for weeks, and I really want to do her music justice." She continues.
"We haven't had enough rehearsal." Sam says, Venus nodding her head in agreement with him. "Or any at all." Mercedes adds on. "And most of our assembly performances usually end in some kind of riot." Sam and Venus look at eachother and try to stifle their laughter at Finn's words, remembering 'Toxic'. "Never fear, teammates. It's a Broadway tradition... for nervous performers to take a shot of whiskey before going on... to calm their nerves and to mask the stench of bad dental hygiene. In that tradition, I have mixed us a playful showbiz cocktail... of what was left in my dads' liquor cabinet. There's some brandy and vermouth and port wine and scotch in here. Also a little bit of Kool-Aid and some crumbled-up Oreos." Rachel says, carrying a jug and red solo cups, handing them out to everyone.
Venus takes one hesitantly and lets Rachel pour her a cup, immediately pouring her cup out when Rachel turns around. "Cheers." Venus raises her empty solo cup then pretends to drink. "To Ke$ha."
TikTok - Brittany - Glee Club
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So the assembly was totally a bust. Brittany threw up all over Rachel. But they did get half off yogurt coupons, so that was a win. Sam and Venus decided to use their coupons on Stevie and Stacy, Sam's brother and sister.
