Life so Sick or Perfect |One Direction|

21

It's week now. In three days is school. Luke is still in coma. Doctors don't know when he'll wake up if even ever. Two days ago Viktor comes here because Alex called him. I need him really right now. I am so happy that's he's here. He'll take me tonight back at home.

We are in the new apartment already. I need to buy things to school and do something with me. I am so exhausted. And my arm and stomach are all covered with cuts. My mind is lost and I really don't know what to do. It's too many thing on me. I just texted Harry when I get here. I can't leave my brother not even on a minute. I want to be here for him. I didn't eat anything all week. But I don't care. He's more important.

My dad said that we need to go. We are starting our graduation year in 3 days. I feel so guilty that I will leave my brother but they said that more important for me is to be okay for school so I don't know.

•

Tommorrow the school start. I feel not alive. My brain resigned on feeling emotions so I feel empty. I have no idea how I'm going to make it but I need just for my brother and for my sis and mum.

We are all exhausted I and Ann from crying and Alex from us. I feel bad for her so I said that she should go sleep and that we're fine. I man-up or woman-up and stopped crying. I need to be here for sister.

„Ann, go sleep. I'll do you some tea okay??" I told her. She get up and went straight into her room. I did her,me and Alex tea and left Ann sleep. Then I went to Alex's room. She was sleeping so I left her the tea on a table and went into my room. I lay down on my bad and tried to sleep. I can't so I wrote Louis. He always makes me feel better. But now he's probably sleeping. Like it's one at night so it's normal. I closed my eyes again and I felt asleep now.

•

We went to school and Ann to work. We're all exhausted but I slept a little bit so it's not that bad. Teacher is just saying something not important to me. So I just sat there listening to his bulls*** and thinking about Luke. I hope he's okay. That he'll wake up soon.

After school we went shopping something what the teachers said to us.

When we got home I went straight into my room shutting door and opened my phone. I took a headphones and Harry started singing his part in Heart Attack. And I immediately relaxed when I heard their voices.

From Amy to Hazza;) : Hi Harry I am so sorry that I didn't texting you. My brother is still in coma and I am absolutely in shit. Said to all boys that I am sorry. Thanks

From Hazza;) to Amy: Oh Amy that's okay I understand and lads too. Niall and Louis was little worried but Zayn calmed them down. Liam and me honestly too. Just Zayn was calm. All of us giving you strength. I hope we'll hear soon. See ya

He calmed me down. I thought they would be mad but they are amazing same like Viktor. I called him because I miss him.

„Hi Babe I miss you." I said honestly.

„Me too. How was school?"

„Mkay"

„I'm glad to hear it. I love you so much. How do you feel??"

„Honestly?? Bad." I said sadly.

„I'm sorry honey. But I believe it'll get better." he said.

„Thanks babe. I love you more." I said little happier.

„I love you more than all the stars in a infinity universe." he said.

„I love you more than the all infinity universe and everything in it." I said really honestly.

„I guess I lost but I love you still more. More than everyone" he said.

„I love you. What's your plan today??" I asked.

„Work" he said sadly.

„Poor you." I chuckled.

„I need to go back work. Love you" he said and hang up.

That was weird but I'm happier.

I took my ukulele and started playing Riptide my favorite song on ukulele.

I started learn how to play on the ukulele since I was 12. It's easy and I love it. It always help me when I'm bored or sad. So it's best think right now.

But no my mind just don't leave me alone and everything hit me again. I lost my mum and sister I can't lose him. I break in tears and in my mind was just one thing... I'm cutting myself  again and again. Red blood is on all my arms. I don't know what to do. I  am loosing evryone even myself. My faith and I'm cutting myself. I just cried and don't stop cutting until my sister came into the bathroom. What didn't I lock the door.

„Holy crap Amy stop. Please stop.”   she screamed and cried.

„What's hap- Alex please give me that. You are bleeding. You need to stop.” when I didn't give her the razor she took it and threw it away. Then I passed out. Just dark I don't feel anything, am I dead?? Why I did it. I could die. I hurt everyone. I shoud die I don't know. It's mess complete mess. I don't know if it was good but maybe it was. I was going to leave this world and left all the bad things there. I was going to see my mom and sister but it's not right. I would hurt everyone on the Earth more than I hurt them now. But I don't know...

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You didn't expect this did ya?? Next chapter is the last one <333 I love you. Byee