& I'm just a girl.

Falling.

Gravity, causes people to fall. But this force of nature is not the only thing that results in falling.

I can admit to falling.

I can admit to falling more than once.

And I can even admit tripping over the same thing time after time after time.

I could blame it on him.

I truly could, I did honestly, at first at least.

I over thought though and that led to regret. Because I know I knew that it was the farthest thing from his fault. There wasn't even enough time for there to be a problem. Yet I created one. Somehow I imagined there was a problem to make myself feel better about feeling okay. It was more then okay though. It was perfect. And I had never had perfect before. I was scared.

And that seemed to be my problem. That seems to continue to be my problem I guess. Fear is a powerful thing. It allows room for illusion.

I still think about it. My fear and the illusion I created for myself.

Because there is something about him that makes my skin tingle and burn when we touch, that makes my heart race, that makes an immediate smile form upon my face. The side affects I get from him are to many to name, yet I feel them every day. He is my disease. And no matter how sick I get, I don't want a cure.

And I could have him. I know I could. He's ready. He's still ready.

But he's not the problem.

I am terrified. I am terrified that I will be judged, that I will ruin it again.

My worse demon seems to be myself and my doubts.

I am so sure of myself, until the time catches up to me. Until I am able to step back and realize the extent of my mistake.

I fell for him.

Then I made an effort to forget him. But love is hard to forget. Even harder to replace.

I fell for another boy who has a different part in my story.

Then I fell for his best friend.

And now, well he continues to make me sick. And I continue to refuse my medication.

I make mistakes and I realize the affects of them to late.

Because it seems I am destruction and I leave fire in my wake. Turns out I get burned the most.

Because the cycle is starting again.

I'm falling.

And oh, how I wish I could blame gravity.