& I'm just a girl.

Fire.

10/23/15

Dear Diary,

And everything I am seeing is blazing with color,

And I blame you for the flame you have ignited,

For you left me without any sense of cover,

And I know it's my fire but it was started by you;

And I'd be more than delighted if you'd see it through.

I might be asking for to much,

Because I know it's a task that may burn you to the touch,

But please, you don't have to stand to far away,

For I will hold your hand and we can embrace the flame. 

And maybe just maybe I will ignite a flame within you too,

And together we can burn brighter than the moon,

Because our fire is strong apart and we light cities with our flames,

But if we carry our fire together we could set the world ablaze.

____________________

10/25/15

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened that makes me ponder,

Who am I and what will I be if I wait any longer?

A lot has happened that makes me think,

Are you the one I admire to the brink?

A lot has happened and I cannot describe how I feel,

Should I let go of something I thought was real?

But what is the hardest part is knowing you let go a long time ago,

So if I let go too am I falling so far I will never know?

Because if I don't let go I am holding onto a flower I don't know will bloom,

But if I release my grip that has grown so tight, maybe I will become immune.

____________________

11/26/15

Dear Diary,

My heart is full of things that I have never been able to describe,

And my head is full of things in which I cannot seem to rely,

My head tells me to run; to keep doing what I've been,

But my heart tells me to fight; that I have a chance to win,

And I have never been able to decide which to follow,

So I take the safe way out and I end up feeling hollow.

And I wonder if I will feel something greater than the sky,

If I were to listen to my head and let my thoughts decide,

And I wonder if the ocean is the better depth to dive,

Because if I listen to my heart that is where I might reside.

The conflict you see, is that both and my head and my heart can see,

They can see something far beyond anything I think of as a mystery,

And they can feel; rightfully so, because I know either way will allow me to grow,

But if I choose a wall to high to climb will I ever have enough time,

Time to run back to the alternate path, because even though I am hollow,

I am too cautious to take the chance.

____________________

12/01/15

Dear Diary,

There are so many things I've thought that I've been meaning to say,

But it is nothing more than a moment that is fleeting then fades away,

You could define it as an act of cowardice or rather one of fear,

And those may be true which leaves me to be the oblivious fool.

You see I have undergone many sleepless nights at the cost of your thought,

An expense I always have graciously paid even though you have not,

And while I never have been one to be distracted by such a reckless love,

I was bought by you and my heart refuses a refund.

____________________

12/21/15

Dear Diary,

Because my dear the day will come when time sadistically smiles,

And everything you did that you thought was worth your while,

Will be grasped in the bony hands of doubt and will be stored there until the end,

When everything has haphazardly fallen.

With nothing but broken glass left by ghosts from the past,

Days will turn into nights,

But still you will see no light. 

And just when you have become certain the scars on your soul were reaped from insanity,

The haunting stature of reality will hold onto your heart,

Crushing it with the terrible illusion of love.

You will finally understand my dear;

The humanity never was here,

And they've left us with nothing more than the blood,

The same blood they've taught us to grow so fond of.