Forced To Love You

Get A Grip

Christian was gone when I woke up the next morning. The room was still and quiet as I sat up and surveyed the space.

The lights were still off though the sun from the french doors helped to bring in both light and warmth. It had been so cold in Washington and I was still getting used to it.

I pushed the blankets off and got to my feet. After being out in the cold the night before, I bundled up to go to sleep. I wore a crew neck sweatshirt with a pair of pajama bottoms I had bought while out shopping several days prior. It wasn't the cutest outfit but it worked at keeping me warm.

I walked to the bathroom and started the water in the shower, giving it time to warm up. As I headed back to the bedroom, I noticed a note sitting on the coffee table out of my periphery.

I picked it up and noticed Christian's handwriting on the small piece of paper. Went to talk with Zeke. Breakfast will be sent up at 9.

There was nothing personable about the note and it made me frown. Was he mad that I pushed him away? Surely, he understood why I was doing it. I had every right to.

I put the card back down on the coffee table and went back into the bedroom. I walked into the closet and looked through my clothes for something to wear for the day. I almost couldn't wait to have my own clothes back. New clothes were nice but I had my own comfort clothes and I missed them in times like these.

I grabbed a pair of leggings and a plain black t-shirt to change into and carried them with me to the bathroom. I set my clean clothes down on the counter by the sink and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I never noticed my body until I was showering or changing my clothes. Wearing clothes, especially baggy ones, made it easy for me to forget the changes that had happened since I was bit. It was something I was struggling to deal with during a time when I desperately wanted to remember who I was.

And it wasn't like the changes were bad. My body was nice and I had grown some muscle that I hadn't had before. I was still attractive, if not more so. But I struggled with matching my personality to the new looks I was suddenly graced with.

I stripped out of my dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper in the corner. I stepped into the steamy shower and closed the glass door behind me.

Everything within the mansion was so fancy that it made me feel inadequate to use any of it. The bathtub was bigger than any I'd ever used before and the shower had glass doors rather than a plastic curtain. Even the wallpaper and trim around the place looked expensive. It was all so lavish I wasn't sure I could keep up with it all.

I wondered if Christian grew up living a life with such expensive taste. Was he used to bathtubs bigger than a king-sized bed or fountains in the backyard? Did he even know what it was like to be poor and struggle to afford anything?

Thinking of those differences between us made me wonder why this Goddess-person chose me to be his mate and vise-versa. We came from opposite sides of the country, he had money and I didn't, and I wasn't even a werewolf from the start. It was like one of us had to make accommodations to a life we knew for one that was unfamiliar to us. It just wasn't fair that that had to be me each and every time.

I was working on being more open-minded and understanding. It had to have been hard for Christian to find his mate only to find that I wasn't a werewolf and I didn't like him from the start. Both of those things had since changed but it took a lot on my part to make that happen. It still didn't feel right to me but my life was drastically different than what it had been before. I was still figuring things out and learning the ins and outs of Christian's world.

I grabbed a black bottle of shampoo and poured a small amount into my hand. As I lifted it to my head, I got a whiff of a scent that made my heart start beating faster. I looked at the bottle I'd grabbed and saw the 'shampoo for men' sticker on the front of the bottle.

Rolling my eyes at myself, I put the bottle back down and washed the shampoo off my hand. I grabbed one that smelled more feminine and began cleaning my hair.

I knew the mate bond between us was what caused me to react in such a way yet it felt... odd. I was still learning things about Christian so reacting this way just from a smell made me rethink everything I knew about relationships. Nothing about whatever our relationship was was anything I knew. It didn't make sense to me and I knew it would be a long road of figuring things out.

As I reached for the bottle of conditioner, I made sure to read the label so I wouldn't use the wrong one a second time.

I couldn't seem to get that off my mind. Why did shampoo get me so worked up? Why was it making me feel so...

I leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath to steady myself. I didn't even know if I wanted a relationship with Christian. I didn't know if I wanted things to move past where they currently were. I was still figuring out my feelings so getting... excited just thinking about him wasn't good.

I quickly finished my shower and got out before I started having even worse thoughts. I felt like I needed a cold shower just to calm myself down.

What got into me that made me think about Christian in such a way? Sure, he was attractive but I had thought that from the start. There was no reason for the new emotions I was feeling.

I got dressed and quickly brushed my hair. I needed to get out of the steamy bathroom as quickly as possible.

I needed to calm down.

I wasn't paying attention as I walked out of the bathroom and ran straight into Christian. I was so much shorter than him so my head hit his chest before his arms reached out and pushed me back so he could see me.

"Easy there."

I felt my face flush as I noticed that he was shirtless. Of course, he was. I quickly averted my gaze. "Sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Are you in a rush or something?" He asked with a laugh, clearly not noticing the distress I was under.

I swallowed in an attempt to ease the lump in my throat. Get it together, Blair. "I just..."

He shook his head and headed toward the bathroom. "I need to get a shower. I probably stink."

I turned and watched him enter the bathroom, unable to tear my eyes away from him. Thankfully, he didn't turn around to catch me. That would have been so embarrassing.

I let out a deep exhale and went to the french doors. I opened them and sighed at the cool air that hit me.

I needed to get a grip on myself.