Forced To Love You

Sleep

It was relieving to get some time away from Christian to collect my thoughts and catch my breath. So much was happening all at once and it was hard to process it all.

I was overwhelmed and tired. I didn't want to be going through such a terrible part of my life when it wasn't what I envisioned for myself.

I always thought I would finish school and look for my dream job. I pictured myself looking into accounting jobs locally so I could stay close to my aunt Ren. I knew I'd eventually buy a house or I would just continue to live with Ren because I liked her company. She was always in my future in some way.

I wanted so much more than this new life that was being forced on me. Even if I could establish some sort of independence in Twisp, it was still a foreign area to me. I didn't know the towns or big cities. I didn't know the universities and colleges around to attend to finish my degree. I didn't know what businesses to apply to to look for a job. I felt so lost. I felt alone.

It was December already and snow had started to fall outside. I wanted to sit on the balcony and read but the cold wind whipped the snow around and covered every surface with it.

I sighed in defeat and walked over to the bed. I needed to figure out something to do so I wouldn't be bored to death. There was only so much I could do within the room.

Mainly, I needed the distraction. I needed something that would help me forget everything Christian had told me the previous day. I knew it wouldn't bring back my aunt or fix everything that had gone wrong since meeting Christian. But forgetting would make it hurt less.

I buried myself under the blankets. I was fairly warm in the pajama pants and t-shirt that Madison packed herself and left behind so I didn't need them but I liked the comfort. It was hard to be in a strange place surrounded by people I didn't know. I missed so much of my old life that it made my chest hurt.

Christian didn't seem to understand. Maybe I wouldn't have minded being with him had he shown some compassion and understanding about my feelings. If I had a chance to say goodbye. If I could have brought my aunt with me.

It was so painful to think about not having my aunt Ren. She was my guidance. Any time I needed help with something or needed someone to talk to to talk out my thoughts, I went to her. Not having her to even call made me... homesick.

After my parents died, my aunt Ren was my comfort. She made me feel like things wouldn't be so bad. I needed that now more than ever.

The sleep that overtook me was desperately needed and welcomed. It was the only thing to relieve all of the stress, sadness, and anger that flowed through me. I was at peace when I was asleep.