Forced To Love You

Problems

What did you guys think of the last chapter? It was pretty heavy, I'll admit. I hope you liked it and the direction the story is going. This chapter and the next are going to be heavy so please read only if you are able.

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When we got on the plane, I didn't want to be away from Christian. I didn't want to be secluded from everyone and stay to myself. I needed him to keep me together. I needed him to keep me from losing it.

I reached out for his hand as we entered the plane. His tall frame blocked most of my view but I didn't care.

He led me to the second row of seating and let me sit by the window. Someone passed by us and he stopped them. He said something to them in a low voice and the person turned around and headed the way they came.

I glanced in their direction but didn't care enough to ask questions.

Shifting my position, I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my heels on the edge of the seat. I stared out the window as the plane prepared to ascend into the sky.

Christian held out a bottle of water for me. I was assuming it came from the staff on the plane that he had talked to just moments before.

As my eyes made contact with him, I gave him a silent thanks. I rested the bottle in my lap and went back to staring out the window.

The flight was going to take a while and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. I wanted to hide away and cry myself to sleep over and over and over again. Having to sit around other people and hold myself together was torture. And after the day I had, it was just a nail in the coffin.

I found myself sinking into my thoughts the more that time passed. I was leaving my old life behind and I didn't feel like I was ready. I wasn't ready to lose my parents when I did. I wasn't ready to be abruptly moved across the country away from my aunt. I, then, wasn't ready to lose my aunt without so much as a goodbye. And I wasn't ready to leave my entire twenty-one years of life behind as if it meant nothing.

I knew it was safer for me to be in Twisp. I knew that Christian didn't kidnap me against my will just to torture me. He knew all the werewolf stuff better than I did which meant he knew that I would forgive him at a later time once everything was over. Once I was safe.

And, even though I wasn't quite safe, I knew that I forgave him. If he had let me go, Ren would still be dead and I'd have no one.

At least I had him.

I shifted my weight and leaned on the left armrest that separated Christian and me. I rested my head against his arm and stayed that way until we got back to Twisp.

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Christian carried my bag as we got off the plane and headed back to the mansion. He carried it through the halls and into his room where he set it down just inside the door.

I could feel his eyes on me as I walked through the room. I wasn't up for talking. I didn't want to get into the pain I felt. I didn't want to think about how messed up my life was.

I couldn't stop my brain from moving. The thoughts kept coming whether I wanted them to or not. That seemed to be inevitable for me.

As I entered the bedroom, I kicked my shoes off. All I could think about was getting into bed and never leaving it. I didn't want to talk or think or do anything.

I pulled the comforter completely over my head, trapping me in the dark. My breath quickly heated up the small and tight space but I tried my best to ignore it. The sooner I fell asleep, the better I'd feel. Or at least... that's what I kept telling myself.

There was no chance of bringing any of my family back or fixing anything that had happened. I couldn't change the past. I couldn't will things to be normal again. That ship had long sailed. I needed to focus on the future and how to move forward with my life.

I knew doing so wouldn't be easy. There was so much left for me to figure out. I had no idea what my purpose was in Twisp. I was Christian's mate, a Luna, yet I had no idea what that meant. What did I do with that? So far, it had only been a title. It carried no weight. Yet... I knew it should have. To someone in a better place, it would have.

Was I even in a good place to be a Luna? Luna's were supposed to lead their pack and help the Alpha. They were supposed to lead people and take over, whatever that meant. I couldn't do that. I wasn't a leader. I wasn't outspoken or outgoing. I kept to myself in all aspects. How was I supposed to tell people what to do when I didn't even know what I was doing myself?

The thought was daunting. It weighed on me just like every other problem in my life. Nothing was going right and it seemed like a list was forming, growing in my head of all the things I needed to deal with and do and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't even find a place to start.

I was so fucked up. My life had been a disaster from the start. It seemed like I was poised to have a difficult life without any relief. Just when things felt okay, they fell apart and I was back to nothing.

Being in Twisp was a good place to start over yet Everett was still a threat to me. I still had to be careful with what I did or talked to. Could I trust anyone? Who was to say Everett didn't have connections in Twisp just as Christian had connections outside of Twisp?

That was the last thing I needed to think about. I had my own problems to deal with.

Fuck, I didn't want to deal with any of it.