Dreaming Of You

Might snow

Good evening, My sweet potatoes. Its taken me awhile to write this. Not-so-fun fact, I had to rewrite THREE separate times. This is what I came up with, don't bully me please. 

Shit. I told Amity- I told her I didn't- and now- Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. I can't say anything now. I need time to think. I told her... I didn't love her...

Timeskip (i dont need a reason to validate it this time)

I'm hanging out with Amity today. We're going to the market.

"Eda?"

"Mhm."

"Can I take all your moneyyyyy?"

"Just don't spend it all in one place, and grab me something."

I didn't actually expect that to work. Okay then. I only take a small amount of the snails that are there. We need snails to live, so...

I open the door, take one step out and am met face-to-face with Amity.

"AH-" I jump back, tripping, my face heating up.

"Oh- Sorry, Luz, did I scare you?"

"Oh- No no it's- fine."

She holds out her hand, and I take it hesitantly. As she helps me up she says;

"You sure you're okay? You look pretty red."

"Oh- No that's- a... Human thing!"

"Oh! Like when my face turns red when I'm angry?"

"A bit. But lets just head down to the market."

"Okay..." She shoots me a questioning glance, and we start walking.

"They said it might snow today, do you have anything warm?" She asks. She's concerned for me. Wow, okay.

"Snow? It's like August!"

"Yeah, so? Here, it snows around this time of year."

"Oh. Well, No I don't. I didn't even bring anything remotely warm. It might be fun to play in the snow though... Like in that one book! What was it called..."

"Well don't ask me!" Amity laughs.

I grin. "No, I remember the name now. It was Heartstopper. There's these guys, Nick and Charlie-"

Wait what. Me and Amity, Nick and Charlie. And that was enough to make my face turn red.

"Uh- And they were friends! Totally platonic friends. Nothing more. Mhm- Definitely. And they hung out in the snow one day. That's it. Yep. Nothing else."

"Okay then! Obviously you don't want to tell me, and I won't force you to."

"Amity-"

"What? Do we seriously need to talk about hiding things again?" She whirled around to face me.

"No its-"

"Its what?"

"It's a secret I need to keep. It's- personal. VERY personal."

"Oh." Amity's eyes softened immediately. "Oh Titan. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"No. You have every right to be angry."

"But-"

"Look. I know I rejected you, Okay? And hid things from you. And that makes me feel like a piece of shit. And then I just wanted to be friends again? Just like that? You probably shouldn't even have accepted! You should be angry. You should hate me, for Titans sake!" My voice raises until I'm just pretty much shouting insults at myself.

"Luz- No. Stop." I open my eyes, which were squeezed shut. (Squeezed is such a funny word)

"I don't hate you. You did reject me, but you kind of made it clear why. Even is you didn't mean that you loved me, you never said you didn't mean that you thought you weren't good enough. So you wanted the next best thing. Friendship. I'm not suggesting you do love me. You can figure that out yourself. Just- Try not to take TOO long okay?"

I laugh inexplicably. "Don't you see?"

"See- See what?" Amity looks confused.

"I'll never be good enough! If you even did like me THAT much, could that happen? Am I capable of loving you?"

"Of course you are!"

"No. I can't be. You deserve someone who isn't- A human. Who can do magic. Who's not living with a criminal, and probably will have to go home one day. And then where will we be? Alone? Separated forever?"

"I- I don't know."

"No one really does. Thats part of the reason why I rejected you. Maybe I do love you, Okay?"

Amity's eyes lock onto mine. "You- DO love me?" The question is feeble, and soft. But it's enough to realized what I just did.

"OKAY BYE SEE YOU AT THE CLIFF I'M GONNA JUMP OFF OF!!!" I start running. We're far enough away for her not to be able to stop me. Not that she could, She's on her knees, I think. I run to The Owl House. Peace and quiet. And then I can figure out the shitshow I just started. I get into my room, and curl up into a ball on my sleeping bag.

"I confessed to Amity. Oh, Dios mío. Acabo de confesarme con Amity. ¿Qué he hecho? Luz, estúpida imbécil, ¿no podías aguantarte?" There I go, Spanish. Fuck. This is the worst. There's no guarantee we'll get together. She probably doesn't even love me anymore, right? So it'll just be something that could've been, but isn't. And somehow, that thought makes it worse.

Y'all wouldn't it be funny If I just ended the fanfic there- I mean n9 funny 'haha' funny as in; "I LOVE TO SEE YOUR SUFFERING EHHEHEHEH." Anyways sorry it took so long to write, I got genshin impact and sorta tunnel visioned on it. Look, Its a pretty much open world rpg, I couldn't help myself-