Miranda walked into the busy grocery store and grabbed a cart. Filling it with various items as she stopped on different aisles. She wasn't looking for anything in particular, just getting things to restock the refrigerator and her cabinets.
Walking onto the candy aisle she stopped when someone bumped into her legs.
"I'm sorry." A little voice said quickly and Miranda looked down at the handsome little boy.
"Its ok sweetie. Where's your parents?"
"Ben." Someone called out and she watched as the little one turned his head to look up.
"You can't run off like that." He scolded the child and Miranda looked up at his voice in awe.
"Miranda Bailey." Ben smiled looking down at the short woman.
"Benjamin Warren." She smiled blushing lightly.
"How have you been?" He asked folding his arms as he leaned back a little.
"I've been good. What its been 4 years?" She asking calculating and he nodded. "You got married." She acknowledged looking at his left hand.
"Yeah." Ben smiled looking at his ring as well.
"Your son is handsome. He looks just like you." Miranda added so it wouldn't be awkward.
"Thank you. He acts just like me too. Definitely my mini me."
"Do you have anymore?"
"One on the way. A girl." Ben informed grabbing Ben so he would stop touching things on the shelves.
"Congratulations." Miranda said trying to sound sincere.
"Thanks. What about you? You still work at Seattle Grace." He questioned looking at her intently.
"As far as kids no more, other than Tuck. And I do, but its Grey Sloan Memorial now."
"Oh gosh how is Tuck doing? I bet he is so big."
"He's doing great and just as tall for his age. Here..." Miranda stopped pulling out her phone to find a picture.
"Oh wow that’s insane. He's so big and tall. I see he's into basketball."
"Yeah he goes between that and soccer. Are you still an anesthesiologist or..."
"I'm a surgeon now. I went to UCLA. Lived in California for a while, but my wife wanted to move back."
"Congratulations. Where do you work now?” Miranda responded.
"Seattle Press." He smiled.
What specialty?" Miranda asked moving out of the way so someone could walk through.
"5th year resident now. I haven't exactly picked. I can't decide."
"And you're in between which two?"
"General and OB."
"OB... mmmhm I think you were always good with the moms." Miranda teased and he chuckled. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that."
"Its fine. How did you know what specialty to pick?"
"Um well I was young gifted and black." Miranda laughed.
"What are you now?"
"Gifted and black."
"You still look young to me." Ben stated looking her up and down, stopping at her thighs and hips before coming back up to her face.
"Please Benjamin." She laughed hard.
"I'm serious."
"I know you are.” she giggled, smiling brightly. "Anyway I chose General because it wasn't just one organ. It's the liver, pancreas, kidneys, gallbladder, spleen, stomach, intestines, and esophagus. I get to spend my days bouncing from multiple different procedures."
"Thank you. I never thought about it like that."
"No problem. Glad I could be of service."
They stared at each other a while not knowing what to say.
"It was nice seeing you again."
"You too. Good luck with your career choice "
"Thanks."
"And you, it was so nice bumping into." Miranda smiled talking to his son. She politely stuck her hand out for a high five and smiled when he gave her one.
"Say bye to Ms. Miranda." Ben instructed.
"Bye miss Miranda." He said softly.
"Bye bye honey." Miranda smiled before grabbing her cart and pushing it away.
Ben watched her walk further up the aisle before stopping her. Miranda turned around at him calling her name and looked back at him.
"What?" She asked him as he pulled out his wallet.
Ben handed Miranda 20 dollars and she looked down at it.
"What is this for?" Miranda asked confused.
"To buy you a cup of coffee." He grinned.
"A cup of coffee." She laughed.
"It was our thing. A cup of coffee."
"Miranda... Miranda."
"Mmmh." She mumbled.
"Bailey wake up." Richard huffed shaking her.
"Huh." Miranda asked opening her eyes looking at the ceiling of the attending's lounge.
"You were sleeping pretty hard. I bought you a cup of coffee from the cart downstairs like you asked." He stated sitting it on the table.
"Um thanks." Miranda murmured sitting up, catching the transplant article that was resting on her.
"You ok?" Richard inquired looking her over.
"Yeah. I was just having a nightmare." She replied wiping her face.
"The shooting?"
"Yeah." She lied.
"I thought they had gotten better."
"They did. I haven't had one in a while. I think its because I fell asleep here."
"You going to be ok for our surgery in a few. I can reschedule."
"I'm good. I'm going to drink this coffee and read this article."
"Ok. See you in there."
Ben thought about Miranda every day since he seen her across the room. It was like she was haunting him. She was everywhere. He couldn't lay down at night, as soon as he close his eyes she was right there. That woman was like a siren and it was like she was calling him to her.
This was a bit much and disrupting his life. He was fine before. He let her go. He even gave Pierre in scheduling lattes so he wouldn't put him on her surgeries and then he laid eyes on her.
"Are you ok?" Faye questioned coming out of the bathroom fully dressed.
"I'm fine." Ben stated.
"Are you sure because--" she started.
"I told you I was fine." He snapped.
"Don't snap at me." She hissed leaving out of the room. Not before slamming the door.
Ben sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He could hear pans slamming and then the blender going. Throwing on a shirt he got up and walked out there. He made his way to the island and stood, waiting for her to at least look up at him.
"I'm sorry." Ben spoke when she met his eyes.
"Ben what is going on? Every day since the cake tasting you've been irritated and distance with me."
"Distance?"
"Yes. You don't think that I noticed that you were getting out of bed at night and staying out in the living room for hours. We haven't had sex since. Is there something going on?"
"No there's nothing going on." He assured.
"Are you sure because we can talk about it. You can tell me. We've always been able to talk." She insisted.
"I am completely sure there is nothing wrong. I didn't realize I was doing that. When I get out of bed I just come out here to think."
"Think about what?"
"Just everything. Nothing in particular." He lied.
"Okay baby. You hungry?"
"Do you even have time? You have to be to work in a few."
"I have time to make you a quick sandwich."
"Its ok. I'm going to go for a jog, so I’ll grab something then."
"Ok. I'll see you later then."
"Alright." He smiled and she kissed his lips grabbing her keys and smoothie she made.
Miranda left her patient's room on her way to the attending’s lounge to grab her things to go home for the night. She looked up at the nurses station and saw the nurse he was marrying.
"You have to work tonight?" Another nurse asked Faye as she was writing something.
"Yeah Lauren called out so I have to do the overnight shift." Faye groaned. I would much rather be at home sleeping."
"Sleeping alright." She joked.
"Girl I'm serious."
"Admit it you just want to be at home with your man."
"I was serious, I want to sleep and I don't know about that. He's been off every since we went to our cake tasting."
"Off like how?"
"Like distance or in a mood."
"Maybe it nerves. The wedding is getting closer."
"That could be it. He told me it was nothing, but I just don't know. He's been great and wonderful, but every since then."
"Well what happened that day?"
"I don't know."
Miranda heard the conversation and she knew it was because of her, at least she hoped. Walking away she got her stuff and left for the night. The whole drive home she thought about Ben, making a U-turn she made her way to his apartment.
She turned the ignition off and got out the car. “This was insane and she had an uneasy feeling."
Miranda rode the elevator up and she began knocking on the door non-stop. Suddenly the door opened and Miranda pulled her hand back.
"Miranda?" Ben questioned and she walked inside running her fingers through her hair.
"Benjamin you need to leave her." Miranda said firmly looking him up in the eyes.
"What?!"
"You can't marry her. If you marry her. You would be breaking my heart and hers.
"Hers?"
"Yes because deep down you're still in love with me. We are meant to be together and I can't live without you. I love you and I know that you love me too. I'm sorry for everything I wasn't myself after the shooting and I needed to take time."
Ben stared at Miranda, he wanted her but she played too many games. He couldn't keep going back and forth with her. One foot in and one foot out was breaking his heart. He couldn't dive straight in because the water was promising and then she takes all the water out of the pool, but still it was Miranda.
"I just—I can't keep doing this with you. You're indecisive and you don't know what you want. One minute your all in then the next your ignoring me, disappearing, and taking time. And I allowed it. I wanted to take things slow and to let it be all on your terms." He responded shaking his head defeatedly. "I used to know why I stuck around each time and why I was so hooked on you. I used to know why…and now…I just don't know anymore."
"It's because you love me. We love each other!” Miranda countered fiercely, angrily, pressing one hand flat against her chest. Her heart felt like it was imploding. "We love each other, " She said again calmly, this time her voice trembling with certainty.
She listened as Ben let out a harsh breath. “Is this love? Is this what the millions of other people feel like, Miranda? Because I don't know. I've only ever been in love with one person and that person is you."
"Ben--"
"And then you break my heart. You act like I mean nothing to you. I understand you were going through something but I loved you and would have stood by you and helped you. You selfishly cut me off as if you were doing me a favor and it killed me."
"Benjamin--"
"No Miranda you did not care about my feelings for months. I damn near turned into an alcoholic and then you were fucking somebody else. You were with someone else while I waited for you...you can't care about me." Ben stressed.
"I do care about you. I’m in love with you and I'm sorry. I don't know how to express how sorry I am. That fling meant nothing to me, I was not trying to build a life or have a relationship with him. I was just trying to pass the time until I was okay." Miranda explained combing her hands through her hair.
"No, I'm not doing it. I'm not going down this road with you and then it will be two years later and you call off the wedding. You are only here now because you seen me with her at the cake tasting and now you hate to be on the outside looking in. You did this Miranda not me. This is on you. You dug the grave and I just put the nail in the coffin. I'm done with you." Ben told her earnestly.
Miranda stood staring at him, she couldn't find the words she wanted to say. There was nothing she could do to make it better. She desperately wished she could go back in time and erased this. He was right, this was her fault. She caused this. This was very much her doing.
"Is there anything else?" Ben asked.
"I uh mmm. I don't even know what else to say." Miranda stumbled crying. "Okay Benjamin, I'm sorry to have wasted your time over these last two years. Have a good life honesty. I hope you're happy and I wish you the best."
"You too." Ben told her sincerely.
Miranda stood for a second before turning to leave. She walked out of his apartment complex crushed, this felt worse than her actual divorce from her husband who she had been with far longer.
Ben paced the floor trying to think, he really just let the love of his life go like for real this time.
He looked over as his phone rung and he answered for Curt.
"Hey Benji, I just picked up my suit."
"Miranda just left here." Ben told curt quickly.
"Huh?"
"Miranda just came here and declared her love for me.” Ben voiced stressed.
"That's what you wanted right?" Curt questioned.
"I did but I let her go. Its just a never ending roller coaster and I can not keep doing that. I do not want to keep getting my heart broken."
"Good for you Ben for recognizing it."
"But I love her." Ben sighed conflicted. "Like I love her so much. When she was standing in front of me, all I wanted to do was embrace her, kiss her and just be with her but it is almost like a fairytale or a dream. And I'm too old to believe in fantasies."
"Benjamin you can not walk into a marriage with one woman and love another " Curt advised.
"I know which is why I am not getting married."
"Well dam "
"I have to end things with her, I shouldn't be using or taking advantage of Faye. She is too sweet of a persona and she deserves someone who is true through and through."
"Well you are very right about that and you are reimbursing me for this suit."
Ben chuckled before telling him good bye. He looked up right as the door open.
"Hey baby." Faye greeted.
"Hey I thought you had to work."
"Thalia is going to take my shift."
"Oh okay. Faye I need to talk to you." Ben said moving to sit beside her at the counter.
"Sure what’s up."
"I can't marry you." Ben stated.
