Wreck Me, Cia Clemente

03:

I don't know if what I said is so wrong because Esmeralda has been staring at me for minutes now. She's not doing any move nor getting off her eye focus on mine. She's just there looking at me. I do not know what to say. Kahit anong isipin ko ay nauuwi lang ako sa pagtingin din lang sa kabuuan ni Esmeralda. The way she is looking at me right now is rare. It makes me feel something weird inside of me. Her eyes are just pretty. So pretty that I am so distracted even though her eyes are drunk.

"Baliw."

She laughed after three more minutes of just us standing meters away from each other and just looking at each other's eyes. She broke the awkwardly silent aura and started laughing weirdly, too. Hindi man namin aminin, we are afraid of what I said, and realizations are sinking in.

She is my safety wife and we promised.

It is not the matter of emotions anymore but stability and security. We both know what we want and what we need. Magkasundo naman kami sa halos lahat ng bagay at siya ang matalik kong kaibigan. The situation cannot be said ugly nor a loss. It will always be a win between the two of us.

"Hoy ikaw lasing ka ba? Ikaw ba ang uminom at kung ano-ano na ang lumalabas sa bibig mo?" she continued and started laughing again.

I am just still looking at her. Her nervous laugh and afraid eyes are not syncing in. I know it does not make any sense for me and for her, too.

"You know that I love you, right?" I said which stopped her laughing. Napatingin na lang ulit siya sa akin nang seryoso. "Less than ten months, Esmeralda. We both haven't found someone to be in a relationship with. You are my safety wife and the same applies with me. You are my best friend and if we really did get married, walang kaso iyon sa akin. Hindi ako magrereklamo."

"Sus ten months pa naman, e. Matagal pa-"

"We've been best friends for a decade now. We made that promise five years ago and we've been single for five years, too." I cut her which made her stop again. "If it is not yet sinking in, you should do some thinking."

Iyon lamang at saka nag-umpisa na akong maglakad sa direksyon niya. Hindi para puntahan siya kung hindi para pumasok na sa bahay. I just gave her a glance before passing by her direction but before I take another step, she continued talking.

"Leo came back after six years that is why I am drunk right now." she said with the cold in her voice. She almost said that in a broken tone. "He wants us back." 

Napatigil lang ako sandali. Hindi ko naman siya nilingon bago ako umalis at sumagot.

"It's not my decision to make."

Iyon lamang at dumiretso na ako sa pagpasok sa bahay. I really did not bother looking at her reaction because I know that I will hate that. Marahan ko lang isinara ang pintuan nang makapasok ako sa bahay at saka patagong sinilip siya sa labas. She just stood there for more than a minute staring at the moon before finally walking up to her place. Narinig ko na ang pag-akyat niya sa hagdan at ang pagsara ng pintuan niya. I heaved a deep sigh as I entered my room. Inayos ko lang ang sarili para matulog na ngunit hindi ako mapakali.