Wreck Me, Cia Clemente

48:

Punong-puno na ng luha ang mga mata ko. Halos lumabo na habang nakatingin kay Esmeralda na umiiyak din hanggang ngayon. Now that we're just crying and cannot find the words to stop the madness, all I can feel are pure disappointment and a lot of painful doubts and realities.

Hindi puwedeng wala lang ito. Hindi puwedeng laro-laro lang ang nangyari. Ayaw ko mang paniwalaan pero heto at dapat kong tanggapin na nangyari na. Iyon nga lamang, what happened is just as painful to think that not only I am about to possibly lose a romance but a valuable friendship as well.

"Mahal..." garalgal ang boses ni Esmeralda nang sa wakas ay magsalita na siya.

Ako naman ay medyo nababawasan na ang luha pero mas lalo lang nadaragdagan iyong sakit. Her calling me mahal right now hurts even more. To think she can still call me this way after all this, my anxiety is just adding up.

"Sayang, mahal." sa wakas ay sambit ko na rin. "Sayang 'to. Tangina bakit naman ganoon?"

"Mahal, it's not what you think. Can you at least trust me this once? You've always trusted me my whole life. Why can't you trust me now?"

"Because you know I hate liars. And once you lied to me, automatic na dinidemonyo na agad ako ng utak ko para isiping lahat ng susunod na gagawin mo at sasabihin sa akin ay kasinungalingan na lahat. May it be those little hidden messages or fucked up things, you know I have trust issues. You know my past. You know exactly my whole life."

"Mahal, what are you saying?"

"Huwag ka nang magmaang-mangan, Esmeralda. Were you mad because I was hard to you last night? Did it make you mad that I hurted you with our love making kaya ka tumakbo sa ex mo para magpacomfort?"

"Honestly, yes. Sobrang nasaktan ako kagabi sa ginawa mo not sexually because it was pleasurable but emotionally. Feeling ko, nalabag 'yong pagkababae ko sa ginawa mo. I pleaded you to stop being rough. I pleaded you to make love to me gently, yet you did not listen. Alam mo naman na sasaktan tayong dalawa ng putanginang rough sex na 'yan eh dahil sa past mo." napapahawak na siya sa noo niya at hindi makahuma. "I was honestly hurt emotionally na sobrang nagtatampo akong hindi mo man lang ako sinundan para magsorry. Sobrang sakit sa part ko na hanggang ngayon, hindi mo ginagawa. I felt like you raped me. I felt like you took my womanhood for granted..."

"Mahal..."

"Pero okay lang kasi mahal kita. I did not want to feel that bad because I loved that pain and pleasure. Ang sa akin lang, I wanna hear you na nilalambing mo ako para magsorry kasi from time-to-time siguro, I would love rough sex for you kasi alam ko, I would love to please you."

"Why did you run to him today?"

"I had to talk it out and settle with him everything for the last time."

"Anong talk lang? Putangina pinagpipilitan mo pa rin iyon. You moaned his fucking name while riding him!"

"What do you fucking mean I moaned his name?"

Napailing ako. Kulang na lang ay matawa ako nang mapakla. Tumango-tango na rin ako mayamaya at kinuha ang cellphone ko. Nagdiretso ako sa kaniya at saka ipinakita ang video sa kaniya. She is shocked. She could not utter any word.