𝘍𝘰𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦

𝘞𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘈 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢 𝘏𝘢𝘵 𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘔𝘺 𝘏𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘚𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘜𝘱 𝘔𝘺 𝘏𝘢𝘪𝘳

ALVIN POV:

Madoka took us to a special office. Walking there, I look back and see the rest of the workers looking nervous and shocked. What? Have those skanks never spoken to the president? He watched me give birth to eight kids, even fucked Trump while it was happening. (Casual Wednesday) Madoka knocked on the door then opened it.

"Alvin Seville, Levi Ackerman, please take a seat," Biden says, pointing to two hot pink glittery chairs. We sit down but I'm so tiny and petite, the chair practically eats me up. (Me and Chuuya moment) "Mr. President," Levi addresses while pushing his man breasticle's up and crossing his legs, "You have something of ours." Is he trying to seduce Joe fucking Biden? I raise an eyebrow and he winks at me. Weird mf. 

"Levi, Alvin, listen. You gave birth on military property, that makes Daddy Yankee military property, there's no arguing this," Biden says, picking his nose with one hand and scratching his ass with the other.

"Biden, sir," Levi takes Biden's hand and starts stroking circles on his hand, "is there any other way we can settle this? I'm fine with any other agreement. Any." Dear god, he's tryna fuck the president. Biden raises an eyebrow and slowly retracts his hand. "There's one other way. We'd have to go to court to fight over custody," he tells us while pulling out some documents.

"Find a lawyer by Monday. Now go," he dismisses up cause he thinks he's the shit. (He's not) "Oh, and, Levi, I'd be down for that offer if it were under different circumstances," Biden says before closing the door. Ew. Homewrecker. I look at Levi, "I know a lawyer." 

"No." "Doritos, please! There's no one else who will defend us!" We both look at her, desperate, Levi doing the exact opposite of an Alpha, starts begging on his knees. "Doritos, please, I'll do anything," Levi cries. "Levi, get your ass off the ground. I don't like beggars. Besides, I'm not one of those girls who listens to those weird asmr audios of men begging and I especially don't pretend it's Chuuya." (Depends who you ask) 

"Oddly specific, but we need your help, everyone else is busy or not actual lawyers," I plead. "I'm not a lawyer either, I just like to argue with grown men cause I got nothing else to do," she says readjusting her Santa hat. I didn't want to do this, but it's gone to this. "We'll buy you a Chuuya vibrator." "Bet."

TIME SKIP TO MONDAY THE COURT DAY:

ALVIN POV:

We get out of the car and wait for Doritos. Her car pulls up right after ours and she walks out with Sloppy Nuts and Deepthroat for mental support ig? She adjusts her stupid Santa hat and walks towards us. 

"Let's go inside and win this case, skanks. I expect my Chuuya vibrator after this," Doritos demands, opening the door for us. We walk in and sit in the area we should sit in. (Work with peeps Idk how court works) The Judge, Karl, Edgar Allen Poe's raccoon, walks (?) in.

"Dgjkbih kclhewignvbcn v," Karl says, using the mallet. "Translation: Court is now in session," the translator, Shinji, translates but in a pathetic loser way. Biden's lawyer, Azhar, stands up. "Mr. Seville, please take the stand," she asks him in a demanding way. (That's so hot pooks) I walk up to the stand.

"Alvin Seville, where were you when Daddy Yankee was being born?" Is she fr rn? "I was the one giving birth to him. I thought that was made pretty clear," I say with a deadpan face. "Oh really? Biden says that he was the one who gave birth to him, care to explain," she asks. "Idk, ask him," I say pointing to Biden.

"Fndhbnj dkbvunhllbj gbefidcbvj," Karl mumbles? "Translation: Joe Biden, please take the stand," Loser Shinji translates like a loser. Biden walks to the stand. "Yes, Daddy Yankee is my son," he claims, crossing his arms. "Lnbv hbdj dhbsvjlnc dbvshlink," Karl demands. "Translation: Bring in Daddy Yankee," Loser Shinji, once again, translates like a loser. Alicia Keys brings in Daddy Yankee on a cart, for some reason.

"Mr.Biden, can you prove that Daddy Yankee is your son," Doritos asks. "Lj kbkrbkrehli bgiubgvn." "Translation: Ms.Doritos, it's not your turn to ask questions, sit down." "Shut up, homo."  The situation was tense and Doritos wasn't helping. "Ma'am, you can't be homophobic," Nikolai from Shadow and Bone says. "Hop off my dick, I'm a lesbian," Doritos responds. (Had to clear that up in case anyone thought I'm homophobic even though it's kinda obvious I'm the biggest women d rider (women hmu I love y'all))

"Well, I was there for his birthing, so it would make sense-" "But were you the one who actually gave birth to him," Doritos asks. "Doritos, if you don't sit your ass down-" "She's defending us, shut up, cunt," I tell Levi. Biden looks confused. "I was literally there," he responds in a mocking tone. "Joe Biden, did you physically push Daddy Yankee out of your man gina?" "Yes-" I stand up.

"He looks nothing like you. He has my tail and Levi's ugly eyes. He has fucking chipmunk ears," I yell. "Well, why don't we ask Yankee what he thinks," Biden suggests. "Yankee, sweetie, who's your real dad?" "Cállate pendejo," Daddy Yankee responds. "You taught him Spanish," Doritos asks. "Pez did, but idk what he's saying, though, I'm sure he's saying I'm his dad," Biden sasses like a cunt. "Yeah, not quite," Doritos says.

"Translation: Shut up, dumbas-" "Shut up, homo." "Hold up! I have proof of Alvin being the father," Gojo yells, running into the court. 

A/N: Hey pookies. I'm gonna try and write 20 tonight but don't be mad if I can't, I got shit I gotta do. Anyways, if anyone from my school is reading this, remember to recommend My Little Pony Equestria Girls as the theme for the Spring formal and also remember I already called dibs on Rarity and I'm making Deepthroat call dibs on Sunset Shimmer