the secrets we shared | rowan laslow x reader

chapter x

i go back to my dorm to let myself think. probably not the most sensible idea - leaving rowan without a single word. but i don't have any to give him right now. i genuinely have no idea on what i should feel towards him. part of me hates him, but i still am stupidly attracted to him. i am scared of him, yet i feel safe. he is a real life example of menichean imagery.

i end up only being able to fall asleep at 5am, and wake up really late. as soon as i wake up, i check the clock - 11:47am. great. i have missed breakfast and 2 classes. i get ready as quickly as i can, but decide it would be better to wait until lunchtime to make my first appearance. checking my timetable, i have a free period after lunch, and then fencing after.

as soon as i sneak into the courtyard, i make eye contact with rowan. i am about to smile, when he turns away, choosing to ignore my existence. i frown, and then remember our last encounter. i am about to go over to him to clear things up, when i remember i still haven't figured out what to think of him. bianca and her friends see me and i am snapped back out of my thoughts. i look up to where rowan was, but hes disappeared. typical.

once lunch is over, me and bianca head back to our dorm. "what did i miss this morning?" i ask bianca. "umm.. not much. oh! rowan asked me where you were during second session. he looked really nervous" she informs me. my stomach immediately flips. "what did you say to him," i ask, knowing whatever she said i won't like. "i told him: y/n doesnt like you she wants you to leave her alone you massive creep" i groan and put my head in my hands. "why are you groaning?? he tried killing someone!"
"yeah i was just groaning because i don't want to start anything off, just wanted to gradually get rid of him" i explain, knowing that nothing i said was true.

we get to fencing, and there are already a few people. when everyone was picking partners i purposely stand far away so i will be one of the people left without a partner. my plan works, and the coach pairs me with rowan, who doesn't seem too pleased.

he barely says anything the entire lesson, and he is making me want him more. this was not supposed to happen!!

i grow more annoyed with the lack of conversation, and decide to follow him when the lesson is over. once he notices im following him, he starts running into the woods. his asthma fails him, though, and he quickly has to stop to catch his breath.
"arghhh! what do you want? why are you following me?" he says, exasperated. his eyes caught my attention as they glistened in the moonlight, and i don't answer. "listen. i know you find me creepy, so i have stayed out of your way. you don't have to get in mine" he says, and his eyes are full of hurt and anger. "what?" i say softly. he suddenly loses his anger, and doesn't have anything else to say, just blinks at me. i take a deep breath.

"i don't hate you, or find you creepy. what you did was questionable, but understandable i guess. that night in the library i didn't know how i was supposed to feel, but now i do." he stays silent for a long moment, before working up the courage to ask: "and how do you feel? about me?" he adds the last part almost breathless, and he is shaking with nervousness. i smile a bit, but don't answer his question. instead, i slowly take a step closer to him, and the tension grows stronger. i can feel my cheeks burning, and when my lips softly press against his, my whole body feels like it is exploding. how could this feeling between us ever be wrong?