the secrets we shared | rowan laslow x reader

chapter xxi

i take a proper look at rowan, and realise he does not seem angry at all. more nervous, to be honest. thats when i remember what he had just said, and feel the need to reply.
"what?" i say, and out of the corner of my eye i see xavier walking towards the door. he leaves before rowan speaks again, and murmurs something in his ear before patting him on the back and closing the door behind him. once again, i am stuck staring at rowan, while he thinks of the words to say.
"i liked you when you first joined the school." he confirms. this adds nothing - i got that from the drawings in the book. still, i don't say anything, letting him take his time to explain. he is standing in front of the door, so there is no proper way for me to escape this time. he sighs, wringing his hands, before taking a tentative step towards me. the butterflies in my stomach start doing backflips, and i begin to wonder how long i can stay without throwing up.

rowan seems to notice my discomfort, and works up enough courage to continue. "i liked you when i first met you" he repeats, as if he were a broken doll. i am trying my best to be patient, but its killing me. "yeah i got that. so why don't you now?"
he sighs. "i never said i don't like you now. but i guess i don't" he says, and my eyes prick with tears. he immediately realises what he had said, and exclaims "you told me that you loved me. and it was really sudden i wasn't expecting it-"
"i know i'm sorry, i just didn't realise it would put you off" i defend myself.
"you didn't let me finish. it didn't put me off. it made me think. did i really like you?" he starts. "you saved my life. every time i looked at you my stomach did somersaults. i wanted nothing more than to be with you all the time. i mean- i even sacrificed myself for you!" he explains, but its not a very good explanation. "what are you saying?"
i ask, nervously. he takes in a deep breath. "i knew xavier was right. you were dangerous. i tried ignoring my feelings for you. but then you told me you loved me, and my feelings were undeniable. that sentence was the only thing i wanted in the whole word, and i didn't know how to react to it. it was too good to be true." he pauses, locking eyes with me. "i love you too"