the secrets we shared | rowan laslow x reader

chapter xx

i daren't look back at rowan, trying to block him out of my mind. i make it back to my dorm, and dive under my pillow, throwing my phone onto my desk as i do so. i don't know why - rowan hadn't messaged me after i had ran. so i guess whatever he had to say wasn't even important. bianca is luckily hanging out with other people somewhere, so i finally have the chance to let out all my emotions. i scream into my pillow, and lay sobbing into it for who knows how long. i must have gotten so absorbed into crying, that i didn't notice someone open the door and enter. so, it is a great surprise when i hear "wow". my head shoots up, and my eyes meet xaviers, who has a bemused look playing on his face. what a cruel, cruel person. my melancholy quickly turns to rage, and i start taking it out on xavier. not the best idea, but he walked into it. literally.
"what the fuck is wrong with you. don't you knock? and you are a horrid person. i know you don't like me, but it doesn't mean you should be happy at my sadness!!" i practically scream, yet he seems unfazed.

instead, he walks over, grabs my arm, and takes me out of my room. forcefully. "what the hell are you doing? let go of me!" i protest, yet he ignores me, and drags me to his room. i start to get freaked out. why is he taking me to his room?

when we get inside, he pushes me gently, gesturing for me to sit on rowans bed. i reluctantly obey, and then ask again. "why did you take me here?" my voice has lost its spark of anger, and is instead replaced with exhaustion. "because you were crying. over rowan." he says, with no other explanation. "so you take me to his room?" i exclaim, outraged. what kind of sick perverted fantasies does he imagine? xavier notices my horror, and bursts out laughing yet again.
" you two are actually driving me insane."
"what?" i ask, but he doesn't reply. instead, he beckons for me to go over to rowans desk. yet again, i reluctantly obey, slightly intrigued. of course, i had been in their room before, yet that was to look at xaviers stuff - and it had been a complete mess. i am curious as to what type of stuff rowan likes - and what it has to do with me.
"you guys are actually killing me." he repeats, picking up a notebook. he hands it over to me, and my interest gets the better of me. i open to the first page, and gasp. its rowans diary. i start to put it down, but curiosity gets the best of me. as i read through the first page, though, i realise its not very interesting. its just notes of things he needed to remember, and school related things. i go to put the book down, but xavier stops me.

without saying a word, he flicks through the pages, evidently trying to find one in particular. i notice that as the notes go on, they become less neat, and less school related. the boring lines of blue writing were slowly replaced with doodles, until xavier pauses on a page. he gestures for me to look at it properly, and i realise all of the notes were about me. looking at the date, i see this is the day i first met rowan. there is a little heart doodle with my intials + RL in the corner, and my eyes well up.
"i don't get it. why did he stop liking me?" i say, to no one in particular, before looking up at xavier. his facial expression tells me he is actually done.
"are you actually dumb-" xavier starts, before he is interrupted.
"i didn't." both xavier and mine's heads whip around, to the door - where the noise originated from.

in the doorway stood rowan. he was standing awkwardly, and his cheeks were slightly flushed. i realise i am still holding his diary in my hands, and pray the floor will swallow me whole.