apocalypse, the answer

9.

chaos

it had been a very long time since a man was kind to me. my ex boyfriend was a murderer, a serial killer, a psychopath and a soulless human being to me. take it as literally as the abused can perceive.

i looked over at eyebrows and i actually considered that this kind of killer was better. at least he wasn't a serial killer. that means three or more bodies. he had a ton of women by their hips, but how many women did he kill?

maybe two, but not six. he was not like my ex boyfriend. i couldn't figure out why i was comparing them anyways.

did i like him?

it wasn't as simple as that. who wouldn't consider this extreme emotion now? the world was ending. he was my only choice.

ah, that almost makes it sound like i invalidated liking him. i smile because i like my choice. and only i would know that.

so he filled up the car with lots of materials and we started to drive to chicago. i realized i liked him on this day. it was a very special day to me. the day he smiled at the chaos.

he played his music. we liked to sing to the top of our lungs together. I liked to hold my hands out of the window to feel alive. his alive was to drink and drive.

i normally do not encourage this, but after all we were going to die soon. so rather he knew or not, I let him dig the grave, only to hold his hand when he was finished so he couldn't get in it.

not actually.

when we would listen to music it felt like holding hands, kissing and all the things people do when they like someone else.

it was nothing to the world, but a lot to me. i chose this day to let myself feel. i was on my period.

"hey, um," he cleared his throat shaking my arm. I turned to him quickly. "shit you call me a killer you woke up in like 0 seconds-"

"i don't fall asleep without my medicine," i said quickly. shit. too much information.

he frowned, "why?"

"i have trouble falling asleep. sleeping is fine. it's the initial fall that doesn't ever happen," i explained. i fiddled with my shirt sleeves. "i do not like falling."

i felt sad.

"why do you take medicine anyways?" invasive.

"i'm bi-polar," i always tell the truth. "too many thoughts all the time."

"you're a gemini," he chuckled.

"that's not funny." i was born june 19th.

"no, it's not. it's ironic," he laughed. "you're bi-polar, but your sign is the twins, which represents duality and two sidedness. you're not just one thing."

I nodded. "i am many things," I explained. "too many."

i turned away from him to look out the window. it was so desolate. no cars. no nothing. just heaps of snow everywhere. the world was white and cold.