apocalypse, the answer

25.

THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

i was so surprised at his words that i didn't say anything last night. i just held him. he was so exhausted he fell asleep right then and there, laying in my lap like a big baby.

i recognized him now. now we were more than friends. i didn't know how, but i just knew. maybe he loved me like family. maybe he loved me like love. the romantic kind. regardless, he loved me.

i could hardly sleep because of it. it made me excited and extremely nervous at the same time. i often wonder while looking at my fragile reflection in the mirror, what is there to love about me?

i was told that there was nothing to love about me so many times. the last person who claimed to love me...destroyed me.

eli stirred in his sleep. i looked down at him, brushing hair our of his eyes. i took the hat off earlier, but he still slept with the scarf on.

he was very beautiful, my eli.

his eyes were exactly how i described them. sometimes gloomy looking, but when they do light up every once and a while it makes that feeling ten times bigger. the way that he looks at me. it's changed.

he rubs the skin on my thigh in his sleep. he snored sometimes. he usually wasn't able to sleep very deeply. it was nice to finally see him relax.

he wasn't like my ex boyfriend. he won't murder anyone.

he's just...my eli. how could i ever be afraid to love someone who's worked so hard to make me feel safe?

even without clear reason or direction he has chosen to stay with me. i was a stranger two months ago. and now. he loves me?

i was still terrified of being loved.

the more and more i watched him sleep, the less afraid i felt. it might be weird for other people, but seeing him sleep comfortably felt like heaven. he's always stressed. always in a bad mood, but lately he has changed. is it because of me?

i felt a blush creep up my neck. he loves me? he loves me! that's amazing! that's terrifying!

but so true. i know he loves me. i've never been more unsure of my own head, but never more sure of my heart. i could try and overthink my way out of living once again, but i know this time it's real.

i have to accept his love. even if it hurts.

he starts to stir awake again, patting around for the blanket. we didn't sleep with one. "cold?" was the first thing he slurred out, his eyes still closed. he rubbed my exposed legs.

"no-no i'm okay," i mumbled. i was a little cold. but only because i was anemic. my body always felt this way. elias was hot though, warm blooded and never lacking heat it seems. maybe he was born to love me after all.

he sits up anyways, squinting his eyes looking around the room. he stumbles over to the chair in the corner and grabs the blankets and sets them on top of his back. he comes back to me sleepily laying back down in his spot in my lap.

this time he pushes the blanket over my legs, rubbing them again. "i told you i was okay," i said, feeling a little embarrassed for whatever reason.