apocalypse, the answer

15.

CUSP OF MOONLIGHT

the next morning i woke up wrapped in his arms. we never slept in the same bed. when i had initially went to sleep he wasn't even in the room. he went out to smoke or whatever he does when he goes out to his car in the middle of the night.

i woke up and his body was pressed against mine tightly. he was...holding me. we cuddled yesterday which was fine, but still kind of startling. and it began. the cusp of moonlight. not quite a honeymoon. eli just wasn't that sweet really. he was a dickhead. and that's how we started our mournings ever since dew drops and my emotional outburst of truth.

on the cusp of the moon or whatever you call it. just not quite sweet enough for me to romanticize it. i liked him. he was the best and worst type of guy to spend the end of the world with.

"i'm sorry i fell asleep in the bed again," he groaned, rolling over to the other side of the bed as if i hadn't been awake staring at the tattoos on his arms that were holding me tightly.

i get kinda weird when i like someone. eli had always been attractive, but when i started to see him for what he was he became so much more than a pretty face. he was real. i live in my head a lot. i like reality. even if it sucked sometimes. at least i knew he wasn't lying to me.

eli didn't care enough to lie to me.

"you don't have to be sorry," i said back, turning over to him. his back was facing me. he had a nice strong upper body, and he had little tattoos littering his arms. i liked the way they were all small and seemingly meaningless. he had a pac-man tattoo and an anchor next to it.

knowing eli he probably had some stupid deep meaning to all of this.

"i'm sorry anyways, i keep cuddling you and shit i don't want you to get the wrong idea," he let out a muffled sigh, his head was in a pillow.

i was cold so i scooted close to him.
i slowly reached my hand out to trace the bat he had tattooed on the back of his right shoulder. "why do you have a bat?" i asked him.

he didn't flinch when i touched him. it seemed like he was used it at this point. no big reaction. no shitty joke. just silence. just breathing.

"i like bats," he mumbled. he still sounded half asleep.

"hm," was my response. curiosity took over me and i traced my fingers down his arm, turning his wrist.

he had roses on his right wrist. "pretty flowers," i brushed my thumb over his wrist.

his breathing was getting heavier. it took him a second to respond. "nothing pretty about me," he muttered.

i rolled my eyes and scooted back a little. i slowly lifted his white shirt in the back. he had a really big tattoo on his back. it was just filled with different sketches of people and pretty doodles. it looked really...beautiful and i never got close enough to see them.

"can you turn over?" i whispered. i didn't know why i whispered because he was sleeping and I probably woke him either way.

he didn't respond so i rolled over his legs to the other side of him on the bed. I didn't want to move him. he doesn't really sleep. i know this because neither do i.