UNPARALLELED BONDS

Changes

My eccentricity stemmed from my tendency to remain silent as if I were dead. In earlier days of my primary school, I was that much quite and still that nobody could acknowledge my presence. It was like I was invisible to everyone. My silence was a topic of curiosity for many. And I would answer them with silence again.

I never figured it out. All I can say is that I'm a little too thoughtful, reluctant, nervous and shy. For a while, I suppressed these emotions and portrayed myself as an introverted person.
Rather I should say that I feel dead most of the time.

24th MAY 2022

This last exam ended. Everyone was spending their last happy times together in that rainy day while I headed home without caring about my classmates who were moving to other schools. I rarely knew anything about them in those 10 years. A feeling of nostalgia in my heart as I walked through the lane made me realise how stone hearted I remained all the time. But it was a relief that my boring studios 10th class came to an end.

My thoughts were flowing like the rain water . Everything was calm and peaceful. It was the best ending ever . But the start of something new added a little bit twist in my life. Since the days when I used to be small , I could never imagine myself in 11th class. It seemed like a new beginning , a new life granted by God to me. Soon I got myself an admission in non medical stream for the brand new 11th class.
But my family was unhappy with my choice and my father was almost in trauma . It was hard for him to believe that I didn't choose medical after yearning for years to become doctor. I felt bad at how he used to imagine me in the white coat. They still said that they would not force me after telling that doctors are this and that and blah blah...But still my stubbornness made them accept this fact that I would never choose medical.

30th MAY 2022
First day in 11th class. Quite peaceful, ordinary but anxious. It was how I felt that day as I discovered that the whole class was changed. Only few girls whom I knew in 10th class were there and the rest were like aliens from another planet. Or maybe I was the only one. Since I was a way too much introvert and shy, it took me almost  one month to remember the names of all .

I would have never talked to any of them for the whole year if I didn't met Harshita.
For 2-3 days in 11th B class I managed to live like I used to be, silent ,serene and dead like a corpse.
As students from other schools were taking admission , one day she came and sat beside me. For the first time I met someone extreme extroverted, cordial and sociable.
She used to sit everyday beside me until she suffered from corona the second time. Although she's frank and ridiculous , always making me lose control and laugh like a donkey with asthma yet her kind attitude and cheerfulness shove away my shyness a little. She would always encourage me to speak, express and be optimistic. I felt so grateful to have her with me.

I was also happy for one thing that is getting her company. It gets awkward for me whenever I'm sitting alone in the first bench in first row, taking to nobody and doing weird things like pretending to be busy by reading something or writing meaningless things on the last page of notebook or drawing absurd creatures. I used to pretend a lot in order to blend in with others. I thought it would make me unnoticeable.
I am pretentious cause when I'm not, I really find it difficult to go and talk.

My studies were on track and everything was going as expected. I topped physics unit test little knowing that it would me my last achievement till now. But my maths teacher was kinda caring and asked me sometimes why don't I talk to anyone. I would answer her with silence every time.

However , while involving in the school activities, I got to know other people like Parthi , Manan, etc., although at first I was a bit reluctant. I thought we would have same interactions in future too but because of me it only went like ~ hello! , hi! , and bye...

For one month my life was just a bowl of cherries. I literally had negligible distractions. And I thought this year would also pass away in silence.
But then something happened. Something unexpected, embarassing, dramatic or it can be just me who's exaggerating . It is nothing more than an extremely awkward situation but somehow it still flashbacks in my brain and gives me bizarre feelings.