╰─▸ Lucifer's Best Friend

HAPPY HOLDAYS GAYS

(The title also applies to my beloved nongays here :P)

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"Never again."

"Never again what?'

"I am never bringing you into a store with me again." Alex slumped against the back of the door, hiding their face with their hands.

"I paid for everything though."

"Everyone was staring at us!" Alex wailed, "And pretty people kept trying to talk to you."

"But, as you would say, we got the goods." Lucifer triumphantly held up a shopping bag.

"Yes we did. And I am going to eat fifty of these fucking cookies because I am a hungry bitch."

Lucifer tsked and held up three fingers, "You may have three cookies at maximum."

They pressed their hands to their chest, "Canceled."

"Pardon me?"

"Canceled on Twitter."

"I do not have that silly app." The devil scowled and carried the bags of ingredients into the kitchen.

"Hey! It's not silly!" Alex paused for a moment and thought "Well actually, since Mr Musky man bought it, Twitter is going doooown."

Lucifer walked back into the doorway where his contractor was still standing, puzzling over Twitter. He bent down and gently took off Alex's shoes, "You'll get mud everywhere if you keep these on." As he stood up he smoothly grabbed under Alex's legs and picked them up, "Who is this 'Musky' you mentioned?"

"Elon Musk. He is hella stupid and hella smart at the same time, and hella rich."

The devil plopped Alex down on the kitchen counter, "Elon Musk is a high ranking demon, he is far from stupid." He ruffled their hair, "He simply creates chaos because that is the purpose of demons, to create chaos and as you would say, 'raise hell'."

Alex gaped in shock and grabbed his arm, "WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. Who else is a demon!?"

Lucifer snorted in amusement and started to take out and organize the ingredients, "Oli London."

Alex let out a victorious whoop, "I FUCKING KNEW IT! Ain't no way he was for real this whole time he was just trying to start shit!!"

He chuckled, "Oli is quite the personality," Lucifer poured flour into the bowl, "He is the sort of demon that desires fame above all else."

"Oooh and Audish Gloom?"

"That vtuber? Definitely not, she is an angel. Not to mention anyone reading this should totally go subscribe to her because we stan Audish."

"Reading what?"

"Nothing."

Alex frowned, "Did you just say stan?"

"You're hallucinating, darling."

Alex passed him an egg and a large chunk of butter, "OH! WHAT ABOUT AMBER HEARD?"

"You would think so, after all what kind of human would shit in someone's bed? She was just a corrupted human, nothing more."

Alex dumped one and a half teaspoons of vanilla extract into the bowl, "When she goes to hell can you just constantly have a bunch of the 'My dog stepped on a bee' memes playing on repeat?"

For a split second a dark smile crept across his face "Whatever you desire." Alex poured in some almond extract, and Lucy watched them skeptically. "Are you sure we are doing this right?"

"Absolutely not!" Alex cheerfully stated, "It's all fun and games until I start cooking. Or in this case, baking."

Alex poured chocolate chips in, Lucifer quickly stopped them by snatching the bag away, "That's enough. If you have too much sugar you won't ever calm down."

They smiled mischievously and slowly reached into the bowl, scooping out some of the raw dough. Alex made a show of biting into the dough, only to find that there was none left in their hand.

"That contains raw eggs."

Alex gaped at him "Don't magic away my snack! I have been eating it since I was tiny and I'm fine."

"Raw eggs can give you salmonella."

"On god?"

"God doesn't get salmonella, maybe because he doesn't eat raw eggs."

Alex pouted "Can we at least bring him some of our cookies?"

"...Fine."

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Cookies for all.

Fun fact m'dears, this chapter was for a friend I have called Audish Gloom!!
She is SO SWEEEEEETTTT
like fr. adorable.

Audish is a vtuber who mainly does roblox
AND LEMME JUST SAY THIS
YALL KNOW HOW WE LOVE AND STAN SOME ADORBALE INTERNET MOMS

Bestie is literally a goth mom vtuber
AN ICON

so go subscribe to her youtube or I will take the cookies back. <33