The Turning Point

CHAPTER ONE - ONE MORE GOODBYE

Heloyse

The problem with disappointment is that when you're going through it, no one will understand, and even with words, you'll never be able to explain what's going on inside you.

Disappointment hurts because it comes from those you placed your expectations on. It can come from a friend, a relative, a child, a spouse, but never from an enemy. You know what to expect from your enemies.

It hurts because a part of you leaves with the one who disappointed you. I trusted too much.
It's been three months since the last time I asked for an explanation. But here I was, standing in front of his door again. And when he opened it, I felt as if all the air had left my lungs. It was like time had stopped.

One, two, three, four, five seconds, hours, or years... I don't know. It just stopped.

That face I saw every day now looked different. It had a tired, wavering expression. He looked so handsome in that gray pajama, my favorite. That familiar feeling calmed me a little.
I gave an awkward smile, and he remained silent, hands on his hips, staring at me.

"Hi, Michael!"

He looked at me nervously, ran a hand through his hair, and after a few seconds that felt like an eternity, he finally spoke.

"Hi, Lisy! What are you doing here?"

My heart raced when I heard his voice.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Not now. I'm with..."

"With her? I thought that..." I paused, trying to process. Finally, I asked, "Are you two living together? I'm an idiot for coming here."

"Please, go away..." he said, as if pleading for a pain to disappear.

"I know it's over, I just didn't think you two would..."-I struggled to find the words-"I didn't think you'd be so quick. And you owe me an explanation, because you're a damn idiot." I fought back the tears. "I chased after you asking for another chance, and you never told me whether I should wait for you or not. I ask myself every day, where did I go wrong? These have been the longest days and nights of my life, because I don't know how to get past all of this."

As I spoke with a fake calmness, the tears rolled down. Michael's expression turned to pity, and that made me hate myself even more. He glanced toward the inside of the house before turning his gaze back to me.

"Don't humiliate yourself any more. When are you going to learn to be strong, Heloyse? Don't make me hurt you more than I already have."

"I don't understand. You said you'd be here for me. You said you wanted a family with me, and then, I dedicated nine years of my life to you. Nine years! I'm humiliating myself for an explanation because I can't take this anymore. I need this to take action, to move on, and I can't because I don't know what made you change your mind."

He stepped closer to me and stopped right in front of me. I could almost feel his breath. I almost could touch him. I had waited so long, anxiously for those steps. I wanted to see him coming toward me and say that nothing had changed. For a moment, I thought I would wake up from this nightmare, and he would hug me and say, "It's okay, I love you."

"I know I made mistakes, and you don't deserve this. You deserve someone good in your life, someone who can give you all the love I couldn't give you. So, please, go away and forget all this." And then, he wiped the tears that stubbornly fell from my face.

My heart was broken. The atmosphere became heavy, and my head ached.

"You're the only one who can hurt me. You know that, and you do it."