The Turning Point

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN- IT'S ALL I CAN OFFER

Heloyse

The woman was an exuberant blonde, and her huge breasts almost escaped through the generous neckline of the tight red dress, which seemed sewn onto her body. The fabric barely covered her legs, and I swear, if she dared to squat, anyone would see her panties—if she was wearing any. Her lips, dyed an intense red, stood out so much that, even from afar on horseback, I could see them.
I knew who she was. I recognized that woman from the few times I had seen her with Will.
The horse slowed to a stop, and Will was the first to dismount. He turned to me, offering his hand to help me down. His face carried an unusual expression, an evident discomfort, as if he knew something was about to happen and didn't want to deal with it.
I accepted his hand and got down. As soon as my feet touched the ground, Will took the horse's reins and, without saying anything, started walking into the stable.
The blonde, who until then had been assessing me with a head-to-toe look—the same way Patsy used to do—, broke into a wide smile and ran to hug him.
He startled, holding the reins with one hand and, with the other, returning the hug hesitantly, awkwardly, as if he had been caught off guard or simply didn't want that display of affection.
"Hi, honey!" her voice came out coy, drawn out, laden with intimacy.
Will took a step back, trying to disentangle himself without being rude.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, not hiding his impatience.
"I came to see you. I've been calling for days and you don't answer," she pouted childishly, shaking her platinum hair as if that could distract him from the subject. "Besides, lately, you've been acting very strange, so I decided to come in person to find out what's going on."
I felt out of place. The atmosphere seemed to close around me, as if that moment didn't belong to me. The best thing to do was to leave.
"Not wanting to interrupt..." I began, trying to be polite.
"You already did," the blonde retorted quickly, with a smug smile.
Oh, how I wanted to wipe that smile off her face.
But I preferred to ignore her. Keeping my tone serene, I continued:
"I thank you for everything, Will, but I need to go. See you later..."
Will finally moved away from the blonde, and she widened her eyes, clearly surprised by his attitude. He turned to me, holding my hand before I could leave. His fingers wrapped around mine firmly, but at the same time delicately, and his eyes locked onto mine in a silent plea.
"Stay and have lunch with me," he whispered.
I hesitated.
Before I could formulate an answer, the woman's irritatingly sweet voice interrupted us again.
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, honey?"
Will let out a long sigh, as if preparing for something inevitable, and then, without completely letting go of me, turned to her.
"Heloyse, this is Mary. Mary, this is Heloyse."
The blonde gave me an assessing look and smiled maliciously.
"Nice to meet you," she said, in a tone that didn't match the word at all.
Before I could react, she approached Will again, sliding her hands around his waist, pressing him against herself.
"Will never told me about you," she said, with fake surprise.
He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
"You should have let me know you were coming, Mary."
His patience was clearly running out.
"Why are you treating me like this?" She pouted again, which made me feel slightly nauseous. "You always like it when you see me..."
Will removed her hands from his waist and looked at her seriously.
"I think you better go. I have visitors and I won't be able to give you attention."
Mary stepped back slightly, and her face turned into an expression of disappointment.
"Oh... So you can receive her, but not me?" she retorted, raising her voice.
"That's enough, Mary!" he took a deep breath. "Please... If you could go, I'd appreciate it."
She pursed her lips and, before leaving, looked at him with a venomous smile.
"I see you're trying hard to be polite, Will. And you, girl..." her eyes wandered over me as if she could see into my soul "...must be the cause of this effort. But don't be fooled. He's not like that."
My heart raced.
"Will is far from treating a woman with politeness. Now you're new, and like all the others, he'll dismiss you without thinking twice. And you know what's worse? He always ends up coming back to me, because I'm the only one who can stand his temper."
She turned to Will with a challenging look.
"Didn't you tell her we've been at this for three years?"
His jaw tightened.
"I think you better stop..." his voice came out low, but laden with warning.
Mary ignored him.
"He's no gentleman, honey. I don't care, I love men like that. But I doubt you'll like it. That lovestruck face of yours will crumble when you realize that behind that nice guy mask, there's a man who doesn't get attached to anyone..."
"Damn it! Shut up!" Will roared, grabbing Mary by the arm and practically dragging her out of the stable.
The scene before me dissolved into a blur. I no longer heard the raised voices, nor the sounds around me. My chest was tight, as if someone had squeezed my heart until only pain remained.
Mary was right. Patsy was right. Johnson was right.
I didn't want to be like the others. I couldn't bear to be discarded.
Reality hit like a slap.
My vision blurred, but I found the strength to walk. Each step seemed to weigh a ton, but I needed to get out of there.
"Heloyse..."
Will stood in front of me, blocking my way. His intense eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, he said nothing. He just watched me, as if he were trying to understand something inside me or maybe inside himself.
I didn't know what I expected him to say, but I knew what I needed to do.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
The apology came out low, almost contained. It didn't seem remorseful. It didn't seem true. It was as if it were an automatic response, said only because he knew he should say it.
I took a deep breath and looked down, feeling the anger mixed with hurt growing inside me.
"It doesn't seem like it," I replied, my voice coming out firmer than I expected.
Will ran his hand through his hair, as he always did when he was frustrated, and took a step forward. Instinctively, I raised my hand, creating an invisible barrier between us.
"Please, Will, let me go," I asked, my voice sounding like a whisper. "In fact, I think it would be good if we stopped here. I want to end this. What happened yesterday won't happen again."
His jaw tightened, and for a moment, I thought he wasn't going to say anything. But then, a short, dry laugh escaped his lips.
"End what we don't have?" he said, gesturing with his hands in the air, a mix of irony and disbelief in his tone.
I held his gaze for a few seconds before lowering my head and nodding slowly.
"You're right, Will. If what happened was nothing... If there's still nothing, I respect that."
He let out a long sigh and looked away from me.
"You're right. This should end here, whatever it is. I really am like Mary said. I don't get attached to anyone. I'm with a woman just to be with her. Just sex, then I'm not interested anymore..."
My chest tightened.
"Don't continue..." I interrupted, shaking my head. "That's awful! You deceive them and then treat them like they're disposable objects. That's so inhumane... You're a jerk who..."
"What do you know about me?" he retorted, his tone getting rougher. "You barely know me and you think you can judge me? I'm sorry to inform you, but you don't know me. So keep your criticism to yourself."
I laughed. But it was a bitter laugh, without any humor.
"I'm judging you?" I asked, crossing my arms. "You yourself said you deceive women and..."
"I didn't say that! What the hell!" he exploded, his eyes sparking with frustration. "I said I don't get attached and it's just sex."
"That's the same thing."
"Like hell it is!" He ran his hands over his face and huffed. "I don't force any of them to lie in bed with me. They know what I want because I make it very clear, and it's not my fault if someone falls in love with me. I can't control other people's feelings. When I go out with a woman, I'm honest and make everything very clear."
"How nice of you, Will. You're honest, that's good," I said sarcastically. "Then you should have told me that I was one of those women you just wanted sex with. I'd rather you had made that clear instead of inviting me for coffee, as if you wanted my company."
He lowered his gaze and was silent for a few seconds, as if choosing his words.
"I didn't just think about sex with you. I mean... not necessarily."
"Could you explain better?" I asked, my patience running out.
"First, if I wanted to dismiss you, it would have been after the night we were together. I wouldn't have had coffee with you, or had any conversation. Second, I'm a man. Of course, I want to be with a beautiful woman like you, but at no point did I think about taking you to bed and dismissing you the next day."
My heart beat faster.
"And why not?"
He took a deep breath.
"I don't know."
"How don't you know?"
"I just thought we could spend some time together, but without commitment."
I let out an incredulous laugh.
"You're one hell of a confused guy."
"Yeah, I am!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "And no woman would want my company for a long time. The thing is, I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do. Anyway, I'd like us to get to know each other. I thought we could spend some time together while you're not back to your life in Boston. When I saw you today, I intended to talk to you about it. It would be something pleasurable for both of us."
"And Mary? Isn't it already pleasurable with her? Because from the way she acted, you two have something more."
"We have nothing, Lisy. And she's never acted like this. That's precisely why I kept seeing her. She never cared what I do and never questioned who I go out with. She never showed jealousy or got on my case. She hasn't even been inside my house or had coffee with me. She doesn't have an important place in my life."
"Looks like things are changing between you two."
"There's nothing between me and her. Understand that, damn it!"
"What I understand, Will, is that I came out of a relationship where the guy I loved the most left me and it made me lose my footing. We'd be creating a time bomb. You don't get attached, and I do. Michael took my heart and gave it back in pieces," I took a deep breath and continued. "I don't have a whole heart to give to anyone anymore. I want to preserve the shards I'm fighting to put back together. And I also can't get involved with someone, even without commitment. That's absurd."
"It's all I can offer. I wish I could give you something more, but I can't."
He looked at me with such sincerity that for a moment, I almost wished his words were different. But the pain that grew in my chest wouldn't let me forget what I already knew.
"I understand. Unfortunately, I'm not the type who doesn't care. When I'm with someone, it's because that someone fills me. And what you propose is lonely. I already feel too lonely to delve into something that doesn't make sense in my life. In fact, I shouldn't even think about being with someone. We're stopping here."
"I kept telling you that what I had to offer was something empty and superficial. Nothing more."
That reminded me of his words in the White's garden.
"I have to go."
Will looked at me for a long time before finally nodding.
I turned my back and walked away without giving him time to say anything.
I had made a decision: I wouldn't let him get close.
I didn't look back or hear his footsteps behind me. That was good. He had understood.
But if that was good, why did I feel a pain in my chest, to the point of tears running down my face? My mind accused me and questioned:
"Suffering again, Lisy? When will you learn?"
But it's okay. I got over Michael, and I'll get over this too.
I'll get over it.
For sure.
I'll get over it!
I'll get over it!
I repeated those words several times, trying to fool my heart.