The Turning Point

CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR - A SHADOW AT DUSK

The dusk brought with it a cold breeze, laden with the scent of damp leaves and earthy soil. The sky was a vast blanket, thick and heavy, as if hiding something imminent.
I was crossing the hallway when I heard a soft cry. Julie's room was bathed in twilight, and the sweet smell of milk mingled with a stronger odor.
"Michael, get a diaper, please."
He quickly brought one, and as I changed her, Julie looked at me with her big, sleepy eyes. I picked her up and offered her the bottle.
I observed her delicate features, her long, dark eyelashes, her rosy cheeks.
"You look like Daddy."
She pushed the bottle away and yawned. Her thick, dark curls framed her little face like a perfect picture.
"That's why she's so beautiful," Michael commented, smiling.
My laugh was soft. I put her in the crib as soon as she fell asleep and left the room.
"Do you need help?" I asked Margot.
"Yes, hang these balloons on the wall," she said, handing me some.
The backyard was being prepared for the small celebration. The cold wind shook the branches of the trees, making the leaves rustle like distant whispers.
Michael went inside to get a tool. The backyard table had a broken leg, and he wanted to fix it.
"Has anyone seen my hammer?"
"If you, who live here, don't know, imagine me, Michael," Margot rolled her eyes.
We both laughed. I pointed to a stool where the tool was resting.
As soon as we finished, I went to check on Julie and found her sitting in the crib, her little eyes attentive and curious.
"Oh, my girl, you're awake? Come here."
She held out her little arms to me. Her smell was a mix of milk and cotton, so familiar.
The doorbell rang.
Everyone was busy, so I went to answer it.
The first thing I saw was the black car parked at the entrance. The bodywork reflected the dull glow of the sky.
And then, my eyes landed on him.
With his back to me, his hands in the pockets of his black jacket, he looked like a shadow cut out in the dusk. His blond hair, so alive and bright, was a materialized memory, a ghost appearing at twilight.
My heart skipped a beat.
The air became dense, every particle seeming to vibrate around us.
He turned slowly.
And there they were.
The eyes.
Still so fierce, so devastatingly clear, that they seemed challenging even under the diffuse light of the afternoon. The face without any trace of beard, the lips sculpted in a line that oscillated between indifference and an unrevealed secret.
He was thinner, but still exuded that brute strength, that presence that filled all the space.
He was like a storm about to break the skies.
"William?"
His name came out as a whisper.
He took a step forward, and the air seemed to vibrate between us.
The magnetism was the same.
The woody scent I knew so well invaded my senses, mixed with the freshness of the wind. For a moment, time went back. The past and the present merged.
The touch of his hands. The warmth of his body.
The desire that had never been extinguished.
He blinked slowly, like a feline about to pounce.
"How are you?" the hoarse voice, laden with meanings.
Before I could answer, the door opened behind me.
"Any problem, Lisy?"
Michael. His presence brought me back.
He frowned when he saw Will, his eyes assessing every detail carefully.
"Is he a friend of yours?"
I held Julie more firmly and handed her to Michael.
"Go with Dad."
Julie let out a whimper, reaching her little arms out to me. I kissed her chubby hand and whispered a promise that I would be back for her soon.
Michael hesitated.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yes, I will."
He gave Will one last look, full of suspicion, before going inside.
And then, just the two of us.
The wind whistled through the trees.
The silence, loaded with everything that was never said, hung over us.
"How did you know I was here?" my voice came out lower than I intended.
"Johnson gave me your address. I went to your house, but a girl said you would be here."
"Johnson? Why would he do that?"
"He said it was a way to fix things."
The cold intensified. Or maybe it was just the shock of the reunion, the feeling of being faced with something inevitable.
I crossed my arms, my voice was calm, but inside me, there was a deafening scream.
He ran his thumb over his lips before putting his hands in his pockets.
"Was that Michael?"
I nodded, confirming.
Will looked away for a brief moment, then looked back at me. The green of his eyes seemed even more intense under the dull sky of dusk.
"How can you be with someone who dumped you to be with someone else?"
The impact of the question hit me like an invisible blow, but I kept my posture.
"You dumped me too."
"I set you free. I thought I was doing the right thing, keeping you away from me. Still, I never traded you for someone else."
A brief, humorless laugh escaped my lips.
"Well, life goes on. And I forgave you."
He looked away again.
The wind blew stronger, lifting loose strands of my hair, making them dance.
"Why did you come?"
Will looked at me for a long time before answering. The silence between us seemed to vibrate.
"I thought it would be the right thing."
"The right thing?" I repeated, with a bitter smile. "After two years, you knew what was right?"
He shook his head slightly.
"Not after two years... But, during those two years, I knew what was right to do. And I did it. I just couldn't look for you."
"And what stopped you?"
He took a deep breath, as if he were seeking courage in his own breath.
"I needed to do something for myself. Then, I thought about your reaction. I know I hurt your feelings."
His eyes darkened a little, loaded with a pain that, perhaps, only now he had the courage to face.
"I ruined the opportunity I had to be happy with you. Johnson told me that you have a great grudge against me. And I didn't want you to feel that way."
That confession was like a thorn stuck deep in the skin, impossible to ignore.
"A little late to think about it, don't you think?"
"Yes, I know."
The silence lengthened between us. The branches of the trees cracked in the wind, as if nature itself witnessed that moment.
"I didn't come here to try to rekindle something that no longer exists," his voice came low, loaded with a weariness that I didn't know if it came from time or the weight of guilt. "I just want to close this open circle between us."
His eyes held me there, and for a moment, I hated the fact that he still had that power over me.
"I wanted to live without carrying this remorse. I don't want to spend the rest of my life knowing that you feel this grudge against me. It was painful for both of us. And, during these years, it still hurts to know that I was a coward."
His voice faltered slightly.
"I wanted your forgiveness, Heloyse. I know I don't deserve it, but I need it. It's what my soul needs to be at peace."
That confession made something inside me give way, even if for a second.
I sat on the step next to the door and put my face in my hands.
The same step where, one day, Michael sat to tell me why he had walked away from me.
And there I was again.
Suffocated by feelings that I fought so hard to overcome.
I thought I had moved on. I thought I had buried that pain. But now... I wasn't so sure.
The wind blew against my face, cold and uncomfortable.
I raised my eyes to Will.
"I forgave Patsy when she asked for forgiveness. I forgave Johnson, even though I had reasons not to. I forgave Michael, even after what he did."
I paused.
"But you...? What did you do?"
Will's silence was almost as strong as the pain he caused.
"You just ended what we had. No one is obliged to stay with someone they don't want to."
He lowered his head.
The wind shook the branches of the trees, and the leaves danced across the ground like witnesses to what we were experiencing.
"However, I can't avoid this grudge," I continued.
My eyes sought his, which now stared at me without escape.
"Maybe it's as you said."
My voice came lower, but loaded with something that, until that moment, I didn't know how to name.
"I think you were a coward."
He blinked slowly, as if he already knew that, but it still hurt to hear.
"You gave up on us. You were stuck in your past and didn't give yourself the opportunity to be happy."
I let out a humorless laugh.
"So, looking at it that way, I should forgive you for being a coward, don't you think?"
He didn't answer. He just watched me, allowing me to pour out everything that, for so long, had been trapped inside me.
"Forgive you for letting me go back to Boston with a broken heart, just because you couldn't get rid of bad memories and live the new ones we could have built?"
My voice wavered at the end.
"I do have a grudge, Will."
The wind blew strongly.
"I could have made you happy, if you had let me. But you destroyed that."
There was a long silence.
Will took a deep breath.
"Should I forgive you?"
His eyes, once so sure, now seemed loaded with uncertainty.
"Maybe not."
He took the first steps towards the car.
I got up and followed him.
"Are you going to give up on my forgiveness, Will?"
He stopped, but didn't turn around.
"Maybe we should talk at another time. I don't want to bother you. Besides, I can't take something you don't want to give me."
My chest tightened.
"That's how I felt when you ended everything."
This time, he turned and looked at me.
No words were said, but something in his gaze seemed to reflect the weight of my pain.
He shook his head and opened the car door.
"Are you going back to Clearwater?"
"No. I'm staying here."
I hesitated for a moment.
"Would you like to talk somewhere else? We can't leave this for later."
He frowned.
"Won't Michael mind if you go with me?"
"No."
He nodded.
"I left my cell phone at the hotel and I'm waiting for a call from a client. If you want, we can go there."
And I went.