The Turning Point

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE- NOT AS MUCH AS I DO

Heloyse

The renovation of the hall was underway, and I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety. Megan had visited us a few days before, and Cielo no longer showed swollen eyes. There were moments when her face remained somber, but she distracted herself with the routine, trying to keep busy.
Will had gone to the hall, given me a quick kiss, and headed to Fort Worth with some horses to sell. Before leaving, he sent some employees to help the Ferrel farm workers, without charging a cent.
Everything was going well, until the damn problem with the pickup truck. It wasn't the first time this had happened, but the third time that week alone.
I turned the key, but nothing happened. It was already night, and I was tired, I needed to go home. I wanted to see Will. Maybe he had already returned.
I thought about calling him, but my cell phone was dead.
"Need help?" A familiar voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Oh, my God! You scared me, Johnson."
"Sorry," he said, smiling sheepishly. "But hey? Need help?"
"No... I mean, I don't know... The pickup truck won't start."
"I don't know anything about cars, I'm sorry. And since there's no mechanic around here at this hour, I can take you home."
"I think I'd better not. Thanks anyway!"
He approached the pickup truck and, with a smile on his face, placed his hands on the door.
"Look, you know I just want to help. And your boyfriend, when he comes from Fort Worth, always stops at that diner over there. He has a coffee, talks to some ranchers, and then leaves. He hasn't shown up there yet, so... he's definitely not coming back today."
I looked at him, not knowing what to think. He knew too much, as always.
"How do you know that?"
"Remember I had a sister who was in love with him? And besides, I saw the truck with the horses passing by here this morning."
"If he was going to stay for more than a day, he would have told me."
"Oh, sure, so you can see the kind of boyfriend you have."
I frowned, feeling a growing discomfort. I was starting to get annoyed with the way he referred to Will.
"All right!" he raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry. And you still haven't told me if you accept the ride."
I looked at the clock. It was past eleven at night. I had no choice. My cell phone had been dead since the afternoon. I had forgotten to charge it. I didn't ask for Johnson's cell phone because I didn't want to call Cielo, because she couldn't drive, and asking Calvin for help didn't seem right.
"All right," I said, hesitant, fearing I would regret it.
I closed the pickup truck door and followed Johnson to his car. He opened the door for me, and I got in, feeling a mix of confusion and discomfort.
Minutes later, we were on the road, the silence between us loaded with something unsaid.
"So... what you have with Will is really serious, isn't it?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes." I replied without hesitation, but my voice sounded firmer than I expected.
"That's... new. William O'Connor, in love..." he laughed, but his smile seemed forced. "It's strange."
"I don't see anything funny." I replied, trying to stay calm.
"Sorry, it's not a joke. It's just that, with him, everything is so... unexpected."
I sighed, trying to focus on the road.
"I envy him. I wish I had had that effect on you."
"You're a good man, Johnson. Handsome, kind... You can have any woman you want."
"Except you."
I looked at him, surprised by the sincerity and at the same time by the pain his voice carried. The silence returned, but it was denser now.
"I don't control my feelings, Johnson."
He stopped the car suddenly.
I looked at him, confused and apprehensive.
"What's happening?" I asked, my heart beating faster.
He caressed my face, his fingers sliding with hesitation, as if testing my limits.
His eyes were dark, loaded with something I didn't want to decipher. Then, he started to approach.
My heart raced, but not in a good way. The atmosphere around us seemed to contract, suffocating. I knew exactly what he was going to do and instinctively moved away, releasing the seat belt in a brusque movement.
I got out of the car quickly, the cold night wind hitting my face like a shock of reality.
"Lisy..." Johnson called me, getting out too and walking around the car.
I turned to face him, crossing my arms.
"I know what you were going to do, and the answer is 'no,' Johnson."
He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a low curse before staring at the ground. Then, suddenly, he raised his fist and punched the car door hard enough to make the metal creak.
My body jumped with the impact. I took a few steps back, the tension growing in my chest.
"Please, Lisy... Help me," his voice came out loaded, a mixture of frustration and contained despair.
"Help you how? By betraying Will?" I asked, pulling my arm away when he tried to grab it.
"No! Help me understand how you can accept someone like him? It's killing me, you know?" he took a deep breath. "Why haven't you ever looked at me the way you look at him?"
His gaze burned with intensity, with a rage that wasn't just my fault, but the fault of fate that put him in a position where he couldn't have what he wanted.
"Johnson..."
"He's not who you think he is!" he growled, his eyes shining with indignation. "That guy, that damn bastard, is going to end up hurting you. He doesn't deserve you."
I let out an ironic laugh, but my patience was starting to wear thin.
"And you think you know me better than I know myself?"
"I know you enough to know that you deserve someone who looks at you like you're the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth," he said, his voice laden with emotion. "And not the way he looks at you. He sees you as... as if you were a rare trophy for his collection."
I stared at Johnson, trying to contain the growing irritation.
"You're wrong," I murmured. "When he looks at me, it's like I'm needed. Like I'm something he needs to keep breathing. You'll never understand that, Johnson, because you're not him."
He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. His shoulders rose and fell in a heavy breath.
"You talk like he's the only person in the world capable of making you feel that," he murmured, his voice faltering slightly.
Suddenly, he moved quickly. He held my face in his hands and, before I could react, kissed me.
I froze.
His lips were warm, but they didn't awaken anything in me other than a deep sadness.
I didn't push him away. Not immediately.
I let him feel for himself the emptiness of that kiss. How lifeless it was. How there was no reciprocation.
When he finally pulled away, our eyes met. His were full of expectation. Mine, just resigned.
A vehicle passed on the road at high speed, kicking up dust. But Johnson didn't take his eyes off me.
"Johnson..."
"You kissed me back," he said, almost voicelessly. "It was cold, but you didn't push me away."
I sighed and shook my head.
"I just wanted you to understand for yourself. Nothing you do can change what I feel. I love Will, Johnson. Your kiss didn't move me. You know that."
He ran his tongue over his lips, as if tasting a bitter taste.
"So you let me kiss you just to rub in my face that I'm nothing to you?"
"No," my voice sounded firm, but there was a lump in my throat. "I wanted you to see, to feel. Because maybe, that way, you'll finally stop hurting yourself."
He laughed humorlessly, a broken laugh.
"You hurt me, Lisy."
I swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry."
He looked at me for long seconds, his eyes tired, defeated.
"You let me kiss you just to prove how cold your lips are on mine?"
Guilt weighed on my shoulders.
"I didn't want it to be like this... You like the wrong person, Johnson."
He nodded slowly, as if he was absorbing that once and for all.
"In that, we're the same, Lisy."
I was speechless.
"Hurting yourself isn't going to make you feel better," I added, my voice a whisper.
He smiled, but there was no joy in the gesture. Just sadness.
He sighed deeply and opened the car door.
"I promised to take you."
I remained standing, hesitant.
"I promise not to touch you. Besides, it's dangerous to walk alone at this hour."
I got in without arguing. He closed the door and walked around, taking the wheel.
The silence that enveloped us during the journey was heavy, almost palpable. Neither of us tried to fill it.
When we approached the entrance of the O'Connor farm, I asked:
"Stop here, please."
He obeyed without questioning.
I unbuckled my seat belt, but hesitated before getting out.
"Johnson, I'm sor..."
"I know," he cut me off, staring straight ahead. "You're sorry."
There was a bitterness in those words that hit me like a punch in the chest.
He turned his face to me, a tired smile on his lips.
"I'm sorry too, for me."
I looked away and said goodbye.
"See you later and thank you."
He just nodded and, without another word, turned the car around and drove away.
"Hello, Schulte. I just wanted to know when Will comes back."
"The boss is already home."
My eyes narrowed.
"How? Since what time?"
"A few minutes ago. Come in, miss. Go see him."
I thanked him, but my mind was spinning with the information. How could he have arrived just a few minutes ago if I was on the road with Johnson and we didn't see him pass? If he had passed, he would have stopped. And I preferred not to imagine what would have happened.
I ran up the stairs quickly, anxiety tingling in my muscles.
"Will?"
The bedroom door was open, the room dark, illuminated only by the lamp next to the armchair where he was sitting. He stared fixedly out the window, into the darkness outside, as if he were hunting for answers.
"Will?"
Nothing. Just a loaded silence. Then, finally:
"Hi."
I approached slowly, feeling a tension in the air.
"You're home."
"I got home a short while ago. I called you when I left Fort Worth and called again when I was arriving in Clearwater, but your cell phone was off. I passed by the hall and saw the pickup truck, but you weren't there."
I swallowed hard.
"My cell phone died."
"Of course."
He stood up slowly, and my breath hitched. He was shirtless, his pants hanging dangerously low on his hips, revealing the waistband of his boxers. His muscles tensed as he raised a glass of whiskey to his lips and drank it all at once. Then, he closed the window and finally looked at me.
"Are you okay?"
His eyes were dark.
"Why wouldn't I be okay?"
I frowned.
"You're acting strange."
"But I've always been strange, haven't I?"
He moved closer, and before I could say anything, he placed a kiss on my face, but his mouth lingered there a little longer than necessary, warm and possessive against my skin. My heart raced, but I felt him pull away and grab the whiskey bottle that rested on the dresser.
"Do you want some?"
"No."
He poured the liquid into the glass and drank it in one gulp.
"What's wrong, Will?"
He laughed softly, but there was no humor in his voice.
"You're very worried, Heloyse."
Something in the way he said that made my chest tighten.
"Getting back to the subject, what happened to the pickup truck?"
"It won't start. I'll take it to a mechanic tomorrow."
He tilted his head, his eyes piercing me.
"And how did you get here?"
My mind worked quickly.
"One of the ladies I met at Victoria's salon recognized me and gave me a ride," I lied.
His lips curved into a bitter smile.
"Don't lie, Heloyse. Have I been fooling myself all this time?"
My stomach churned.
I went to him and took the bottle from his hand, placing it on the small table.
"How long have you been drinking?"
"I'm still sober," he grumbled, his eyes blazing. "Like I said, I got here a few minutes ago, not enough time to turn into an out-of-control drunk. Do you happen to be afraid that I'll drink and start acting like a madman? You're the one who said I wasn't like my father."
My voice came out firm, despite my racing heart.
"And you're not!"
"What does it matter? I'm nothing to you."
"You're important to me, you know that."
He moved closer slowly, like a predator, his eyes loaded with something raw.
"Liar!"
My body reacted before my mind could process it. My fingers gripped the back of his neck, and my mouth crashed against his, hungry. I needed to show him what he was to me. Everything!
The kiss was fierce, raw, desperate. His hands tightened on my waist, pulling me against him, and my skin caught fire as I felt his rigid body against mine. His tongue invaded my mouth, demanding, and I groaned against his lips.
Will pinned me against the wall, one hand holding my hip tightly, while the other tangled in my hair. His fingers pulled my hair with a force that hurt, but in a way that made me dizzy with desire.
I gasped when his mouth left mine, tracing a wet, warm path down my chin, down to my neck. He nipped at my skin, sucked, and my head fell back, my fingers digging into his shoulders.
"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Heloyse?" His voice was hoarse against my skin.
I couldn't think anymore.
My fingers slid inside the waistband of his pants, pulling him even closer. He let out a low groan and grabbed my thigh, lifting it and fitting me against him.
I gasped as I felt his hard erection pressed against me.
"Will..."
He picked me up in his arms effortlessly, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. His breathing was ragged, his eyes wild.
"Tell me I'm what you need," he demanded, his mouth brushing against mine, without actually kissing.
"You are..."
It was a surrender.
He groaned against my lips before taking them again, and I knew that tonight, Will wouldn't let me escape.
"I can reach out and touch your skin, in many places, at many angles, in many ways. But what I want most is to touch the depths of your heart. Will I be able to?"
"You already do."
"No! If I reached your heart, sunshine, I would have crushed it. Because that's how I am, and that's what I want to do."
His mouth returned to mine, then stopped.
"Did today's kiss move you, Heloyse? Did Johnson kiss you like that?"
How did he know? My heart raced in a dry blow.
"Were you on the road?" I asked, trying to control my breathing.
"Yes!"
"Why didn't you stop?"
"I wanted to. I wanted to smash his face. And who knows, I would have killed him..."
I didn't let Will finish the sentence. A lump formed in my throat, and when he lowered my legs, I moved away.
"You're not like that. You wouldn't have done that."
"Maybe I would have."
"Stop scaring me. If you were like that, you wouldn't have left. And you did."
"Even so, I thought about it."
He laughed and went to the whiskey bottle.
My fury was so great that I took the bottle from his hand and placed it on the dresser, making a noise when the glass hit the wood. It almost broke.
Will kicked the armchair hard, making me jump in fright.
"What the hell, Lisy! Why the hell were you kissing him?" he yelled.
"Not like that..."
"I saw it. You accepted it. You accepted his kiss."
"Yes, I did!"
Once again, the armchair was kicked and then thrown against the wall.
"I can explain, Will."
"Explain what? That while I'm away, you behave like a slut?"
I tried to slap him, but he grabbed my wrist in midair.
"I won't let you hit me."
"Then what are you going to do, you idiot?"
Will pulled me roughly and kissed me, taking me by surprise. I tried to push him away with my other hand, but it was useless. I grabbed him by the neck.
"You imbecile! I hate you!" I murmured, my hands on his face.
"I wish I could hate you, but I can't. Not when you have me in your hands."
Those were the last words he said before picking me up in his arms and throwing me on the bed.
It seemed sick, I know. It seemed wrong. I know, I know!
He kissed me, and even with the word "hate" echoing in my head, I couldn't avoid my body's reaction.
I loved him. And I hated him at that moment.
Confusion.
My mind screamed "have dignity," but my body didn't listen. I knew his mind was saying the same thing, and yet, he wanted me.
He kissed me hard, laden with hurt. Still, he wanted me.
I was also hurt. We were so wrong.
Will's heart was once again hard as a wall I couldn't climb.
And when he tore my blouse and wrapped his hand around my neck, my heart pounded violently.
He stared at me resentfully, his gaze contrasting with mine, so liquid. I fell apart when he touched me. I was liquid.
I wanted him to touch me more.
The anger was like smoke. Now, we were on fire, burning each other. But we wouldn't die. In the end, we would be left with the marks.
Those harsh words, that kiss. All of that was burns.
Will was my shelter, and shelters also burned.
He kissed my tears and then my mouth. The salty taste mixed with our saliva.
Wrong. So hot.
He removed every piece of clothing from me, then his own.
His lips went down my belly, my legs, and... Oh, it was sublime.
He was an addiction.
We burned each other and yet, we endured the temperature.
His hands were possessive. They squeezed me tightly, and I did the same.
I pulled his hair and made him return to my mouth.
With difficulty, I laid him on the mattress and climbed on top of him, to kiss him again.
Too quickly, he lifted me, bending my legs and positioning me sitting on him. He would never let me have control.
When he filled me, we stayed there, sitting, eyes fixed on each other.
There was affection, there was anger. There was resentment. All mixed together. And yet, that look paralyzed me.
How could he be so cold and so hot at the same time?
He kissed me as we moved in a perfect dance, a fusion of lust and despair.
Kisses and heavy breaths, cutting through the silence of the night.
I held his face in my hands and kissed him hungrily. His hands ran over my body as if it were a distraction for his fingers to play.
He wrapped my hair in his hand, forcing my head back, exposing my neck. His lips went down there, sucking on my skin as if he were famished.
When he returned to my mouth, he trapped my lower lip between his teeth and pulled it, leaving his mark.
Oh, I was his.
His movements were wild. Intense. Tender and soft. How? I didn't know. But they were.
His lips glued to my breasts, his tongue tracing a path that made me arch my back. His hands slid over my body to the point where every touch triggered an electric shock through my belly.
I closed my eyes. His ragged breathing in my ear drove me crazy.
"Too beautiful... Beautiful..." each word, a thrust.
My body tightened around him.
He pushed hard, his skin rubbing against mine with each thrust.
He whispered my name, and it made red flames spread across my skin.
"You will always belong to me, Lisy," he said, pausing before burying himself deep inside me.
He slid his hands under my hips, grabbing me to intensify our movement.
I opened my eyes and couldn't take my eyes off those eyes that fascinated me. Will's sweaty face and cut breath took me to the edge.
There was nothing more exciting than him, looking at me while groaning softly.
I squeezed his shoulders, making him increase the pace. With each invasion, my body rubbed even more against his, intimately, intensely.
He pressed his lips to the side of my neck and slid his tongue, finishing with a wet, possessive kiss.
I could no longer bear the weight of the words inside me, so I let them go:
"I love you, Will! I love you so much..."
He thrust into me with more intensity, a mix of urgency and raw desire. His lips took mine hungrily, as if he wanted to consume me whole, to mark me from the inside out. His tongue explored mine, and I gave myself without reserve, without fear.
When he pulled away, panting, his gaze sank into mine. There was something fierce there, something that burned and overflowed, almost desperate.
"Not as much as I love you..." His voice came out hoarse, trembling, loaded with feeling. "I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. So much that, if I could, I would keep you inside me, where no one else could touch you. So much that thinking about living without you destroys me."
And before I could answer, he kissed me again, as if he wanted to merge our souls there, at that moment.
"Not as much as I love you"... My mind memorized.
"Not as much as I love you"... My mind repeated again.
The more those words repeated, the more I drowned in each one of them. Desire consumed me, burned inside, and then...
I dug my nails into his arms, feeling his muscles tense under my fingers. My mouth went straight to his neck, biting his skin without caring if I hurt him.
Will let out a guttural sound, muffled by my fierce kiss.
We were wild.
He was wild.
His fingers sank into the sides of my thighs, holding me tight as he guided me, up and down, pulling me to him as if he wanted to merge me with his body.
I bit my lips hard, trying to contain the sounds that threatened to escape my throat.
When I felt the spasms coming, it was like receiving a gift that no one else would have. It was something from him to me. I felt the waves of tremor in my body as if they were pushing me off a great cliff. The fall was inevitable, but it was painfully delicious.
"Look at me and say you love me, one more time, even if it's a lie."
"I love you, Will, and it will never be a lie..."
My movement was impatient, and I let out a loud moan. I screamed his name.
My body and every cell in it trembled with the orgasm, accompanied by my tears. And then, Will thrust once more with force and came undone inside me.
We stayed there, embraced, while our bodies calmed down.