The Turning Point

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE- IT WASN'T LOVE

Heloyse

There was a calendar in my mind, marking my daily suffering.
"How long?"
Even having seen his dark side, I couldn't help but think about him. I knew Will was not someone to want around; he was the kind of man who knew how to ruin a woman. Wanting him was like suicide, a long, slow fall. I shouldn't allow my thoughts to be dominated by him.
I felt like I was falling apart. Thinking about him broke me. What was happening to me?
"Why is he like this, Cielo?"
"Will was shaped by the circumstances of the past. He carries a haunted life, and just thinking about it, my heart tightens. At the time, my late little mother lived in Green Park, the same neighborhood where Will and Calvin lived."
"And what happened there?"
Cielo looked down, took a deep breath, and after a long moment, looked at me.
"I can't say, dear. Here, people don't know what happened. But where it all happened, no one touches the subject, even after so many years. The older ones remember well. The fact is that, in all these years, Will has never talked about his life with anyone. I don't feel entitled to expose that."
"Is it that serious?"
"It's sad. Sad like Will."
She served more coffee in my cup, but my mind was racing.
"He has a big void in his chest. And a heart like that cannot be inhabited. It's already occupied by a huge void."

***

It was almost midnight when I turned off the television. Not because I was tired, but because nothing on TV interested me.
I opened the fridge and drank some water. Then, I placed the glass on the small table and got up to turn off the light. I lay down on the bed, staring at the dark ceiling.
I was terribly bored.
What would he be doing now?
But why did I want to know? He was an untamed heart, a man who knew how to use words to hurt. How could I occupy my mind thinking about someone who had only shown his dark side so far?
I huffed in frustration and turned over in bed, trying to find a comfortable position. None of them seemed good enough for me.
After hours of insomnia, I fell asleep thinking about him.
After that day I saw him, we didn't speak anymore. And so we remained for four months.
Sometimes, I saw him in the pasture, riding his horse. Other times, our trucks crossed paths, and he didn't even look at me. One day, I saw a woman leaving his farm, and that bothered me deeply. On other occasions, when he came to help Thom with some task, I simply turned around and returned home. But the truth is, I was always watching him secretly.
I confess I was disappointed. I expected him to come see me, to talk to me and apologize for that day. But that never happened.
There were no kisses, no arguments either.
Better this way, I thought.

Time had passed faster than I could have imagined. I didn’t know whether to return to Boston or stay here for a year. I had no idea what I was supposed to do.

Over the past few months, I’d been helping Cielo with meals and some farm work, though nothing that ever left me exhausted.
With each passing day, I felt them growing closer to me—almost like parents.

One evening, I went to the movies with Johnson. We ate popcorn and talked about business. I told him about my café, and he told me about his restaurant. At the end of the night, as we were about to part ways, Johnson took my hand and kissed me near my lips. I didn’t say I liked it, but I didn’t pull away either.

During this time, he had proven to be a good man. Maybe his looks weren’t as unreal as Will’s, but he was still a fine sight to behold.

I watched him get into his car and drive away. As I crossed the street and opened the door to my truck, I saw him.

Will.

He was standing in front of a hardware store, watching me. I stood frozen as he stared, unmoving. Then, a blonde woman—the same one I had seen leaving his ranch—walked out of the store and slipped her arm through his. She didn’t notice me.

Will started walking, and just before getting into the truck with her, he turned and looked at me again.

That night, the thought of them together, of them sleeping together, ate me alive. I cried.

The pain was suffocating. I refused to believe I could be in love with him, though it was strange to realize that after all this time apart, not a single day had passed without him crossing my mind.

I wanted to run to that ranch, find him, throw myself into his arms, and taste his lips—erase the last memory we had. I wanted to remake Will, strip away the essence of that empty man, the dangerous thoughts in his mind, and replace them with something good.

Whenever those thoughts surfaced, I convinced myself it was just an overwhelming attraction—anything but love. I refused to believe it was love.

Will would never want anything with me. That woman was perfect, even with all her vulgarity. I didn’t even come close to her.

And I was a complete fool.

How could I have believed he would come after me and apologize?

After that night, I decided I wouldn’t think about him anymore. If I had managed to move on from Michael, after all the years we spent together, then forgetting Will—who was nothing more than an attraction—should be easy.

This time, I wouldn’t run. I would face my feelings.

And I wanted so badly to believe that.

***

“Cielo, I’ve been thinking about something, and I’d like to hear your opinion.”

“Of course, honey. Sit down and tell me all about it.”

“I think I’m going to stay here in Clearwater… for a while.”

Her eyes widened, and she pressed a hand to her chest. Then, a broad smile lit up her face.

“Oh my goodness! Don’t play with me like that.”

She was the very definition of dramatic.

“I’m not joking. I miss having a family, and I found that with you all. If I leave now, it’s going to hurt so much. I’ve grown too attached.”

“Don’t make me cry, Lisy! I’m so happy. Tell me your plans. Meanwhile, I’ll bake us a peach pie to celebrate.”

I laughed and went to help her.

Note: The spacing looks odd, but I hope you can still read it without difficulty.