The Turning Point

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN- I HATE WANTING YOU

Heloyse

The farm's rhythm settled into a slow pace, yet it offered a deceptive calm. Since I'd arrived, I'd entrusted Ashley with the café's reins and placed my confidence in Diana, her chosen manager—they both handled everything as if it were their own, which brought me a sense of peace. The home bills were paid like clockwork. Margot, my reliable cleaner, came by monthly. The house was untouched, but my emotional life was a constant storm.
I yearned for stability, yet chaos thrived within me. Cielo and Thom offered the family love I'd always missed—and the thought of giving up that belonging tore me apart. On one hand, going back meant facing Michael—and maybe finding that what I felt was just buried, that I still loved him. That scared me. On the other, staying meant dealing with Will. And Will, in his own way, was trouble.
"I can forget him", I'd tell myself. "We barely cross paths". But that was a lie. A simple meeting was enough to remind me of everything he stirred inside.
It was during these thoughts that I heard his voice, laced with both irony and warmth:
"You're going to fall and break something."
I jumped on the tree branch and nearly lost my footing. I'd climbed up to return a baby bird to its nest, but frankly, I was never good at climbing. I looked down, and there he was, worn hat, hands on his waist, watching me like a kid caught doing something naughty.
"Don't you think that's a bit high for someone who's not exactly coordinated?" he teased.
I climbed down, a bit clumsy, and wondered how he and his horse had sneaked up on me.
William O'Connor had this annoying charm. With those worn clothes and green eyes, he was a distraction.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to sound cool.
"Went by the Ferrels' place, but no one was home."
"They're having lunch with Jeremy's folks."
"And you? Why didn't you go?"
"Thought I'd be a spare wheel," I said, fixing my blouse and wiping my hands.
He looked around, checking out the house and the small garden I'd made.
"You've been working hard. It looks great."
"Thanks," I said firmly. "But seriously, William, what's up? Need something?"
He ignored me, still looking at the tree, then at me. When he smiled, my stomach flipped.
"If I hadn't come along, you'd be on the ground right now."
I rolled my eyes. He was trying to chat, but he was just getting on my nerves.
"Thanks for saving my life," I said, all sarcasm, turning to go.
Inside, I poured myself some juice, trying to ignore him following me. I leaned on the counter, waiting for him to say something.
"About that day..." he started.
"I try to forget that day... every day," I cut him off.
Will took a breath, crossed his arms, and looked out the window.
"I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have treated you like that. It was... not cool."
"Yeah, it was," I mumbled.
He frowned, like he was fighting with himself.
"Calvin said you were trying to push me away. What was he talking about?" I asked.
"It wasn't about you. It was about me. You don't understand..."
"Then make me understand, Will."
He opened his mouth to speak, but abruptly changed the subject.
"Are you and Johnson dating?"
I sighed.
"First, it's obvious you're terrible at changing the subject. Second, he's not an idiot. He's a kind, helpful, and respectful guy. Many men should be like him."
Will raised an eyebrow and let out a short, mocking laugh.
"Idiot?"
I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms defiantly.
"Men! A real man who treats a woman with kindness and respect. You know what I'm talking about, don't you, William?"
The change in his expression was instant. The mockery disappeared, replaced by something more intense and rigid. His jaw tightened, and he was silent for a few seconds that felt like an eternity.
I turned my back, fleeing his gaze.
"Do you want juice?" I asked, trying to break the suffocating silence and calm the tension that now filled the kitchen.
"No, Heloyse! I just want you to stop going out with Johnson."
I felt the blood boil in my veins. With force, I slammed the glass into the sink, the sound echoing loudly. I turned to him, furious, not caring to contain the anger in my voice.
"You have no right to want anything from me, because you're nothing to me!"
Will moved so fast that I barely had time to react. He crossed the space between us in seconds, and my body instinctively recoiled until my back found the cold edge of the sink. His presence was overwhelming, and before I knew it, I was surrounded by his arms.
The warmth of his body enveloped me, and as I looked up to face him, my breath faltered. The proximity was maddening, our faces so close that I could feel his warm breath against my skin. Will's green eyes were dark, but there was something else there—something that made my heart beat faster.
"I wonder," he began, his voice low and husky, full of provocation, "if he knows how to touch you."
My throat went dry, but I forced myself to answer, even if it was a lie.
"Maybe he does."
Will tilted his head, the corner of his mouth curving into an ironic smile.
"And does he make you feel satisfied?"
My heart felt like it was about to burst in my chest. I swallowed hard, looking away for a moment before answering, my voice low:
"Yes."
He laughed, but the sound had no humor. It was bitter, as if I had just confirmed something he already knew was a lie.
"Liar. If you're so satisfied with him, why do you crave my touch so much?"
The air seemed to disappear from the kitchen. My whole body was on alert, and even though I tried to sound firm, my voice came out weak.
"I don't want you to touch me."
He leaned closer, his lips almost brushing mine.
"Your body doesn't say that. Your parted lips, waiting for me to kiss you, don't say that."
My mind screamed for me to say something, anything to push him away, but the words just wouldn't come. Then, as always happened when we were together, reason gave way to desire.
"Then you'll have to deal with that," I murmured, unable to hold back.
Will's hat fell to the floor, forgotten, as he closed the last inch between us. His lips captured mine in a kiss that took my breath away. It wasn't just a kiss; it was a hurricane, a collision of everything that had never been said between us.
My body reacted before my mind. My arms went up, grabbing his shirt, as he deepened the kiss. His hands traced my waist, slowly moving up my skin, making me shiver. When he lightly pulled my blouse, I felt the warm touch of his fingers, and a sigh escaped my lips involuntarily.
I was completely lost in him. The world seemed to disappear, leaving only the sound of our panting breaths and the rapid rhythm of our hearts. Will held me as if he wanted to etch that moment in his memory, as if he knew there wouldn't be another.
When he finally pulled away, we were both breathless. His hands still rested on the sink, surrounding me. Our faces were so close that I could see every detail of his green eyes—the conflicting feelings, the inner struggle he tried to hide.
"Lisy, I..."
His voice trailed off, as if he didn't know how to continue. He lowered his head for a moment, taking a deep breath, before stepping back.
"I need to go."
My heart sank with those words. He was doing it again. Pulling me close only to push me away.
"I hate you, William. And I hate myself more for always letting you do this to me," I said, the hurt overflowing in every word.
He stopped, still with his back to me, and his reply came low, almost inaudible.
"Do what, sunshine?"
I crossed my arms, trying to keep my voice steady, even though my throat tightened.
"Kiss me like we have something and then make it clear there's nothing between us."
He turned slowly, his eyes locking onto mine.
"And there isn't."
"Idiot!" I retorted, unable to hold back. "You can't say these things. Not when you kiss me like I'm something you desire."
Will took a step towards me, his eyes burning.
"And you are."
"Then why do you show the opposite?" I asked, my voice trembling.
He brought his hand to my face, caressing my skin with such tenderness that my heart broke a little more.
"Lisy..."
Will's voice came out hoarse, almost a whisper. It was as if each word was torn from within him, and for a moment, I believed he was finally going to say something that made sense.
"I don't understand why you push me away," I retorted, my voice choked up. "Will, we..."
He interrupted me, shaking his head, as if he didn't want to hear what I was about to say.
"I have to go."
My heart tightened. There he was again, pulling away, running as he always did. I took a step towards him, the hurt growing inside me.
"Why? Why are you like this? Is it so unbearable to be near me?"
Will stopped, his body tense, and slowly turned to face me. His eyes were fixed on mine, intense, full of emotions he was trying to hide. He took a step forward, closing the distance between us.
"On the contrary," he said, his voice so low I could barely hear it. "It's extremely delightful to be near you."
My breath faltered at the intensity of his words, but confusion still swirled within me.
"I swear I don't understand you."
He lowered his eyes for a moment, running a hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture, before looking at me again.
"Don't try. Don't want to know how I am."
I took a hesitant step closer, unable to bear the distance between us. My hand slowly rose to rest on his chest. The warmth emanating from him was comforting, but at the same time disarming. I slid my fingers up to his neck and gently touched his stubble, feeling the roughness under my fingertips. Without thinking, my fingers brushed his lips.
Will held my hand before I could pull away and brought it to his lips, placing a delicate kiss there. The gesture was so intimate that my chest seemed to tighten. Then, as if he couldn't help himself, he pulled me closer, his strong arms enveloping me.
I closed my eyes and let him hold me. His scent enveloped me—a mix of earth, wood, and something that was uniquely his. Will lowered his head and kissed the top of my head, remaining like that for a few seconds that felt like an eternity. I didn't want to leave.
It was like being in the rain and suddenly finding shelter.
"I'll never be a good guy for you," he said finally, his voice sounding like a whisper against my hair.
My head rose, and I looked at him, confused.
"Why do you think that?"
He stepped back a little, but still kept his hands on my waist, as if reluctant to let me go completely.
"Because it's the truth, Lisy. Imagine a guy like me, having a girlfriend, wife, kids..." He paused, laughing bitterly. "I would screw it all up. It's like a curse. I'll just be another idiot ruining some woman's life."
I shook my head, holding his arms tightly.
"That's not true. You're not like that, Will. I don't understand. Why don't you tell me what's going on with you? Maybe if you open up..."
Before I could finish, he pulled away completely, raising his hands as if to keep his distance.
"No!" he said, his voice louder, filled with a desperation he was trying to hide. "I have nothing to tell. I just know I would never be good for you. For anyone!"
My throat tightened, but before I could say anything, he turned and walked to where his hat was lying on the floor. He picked it up, put it back on his head, and, without looking back, walked out the door.
I stood there, my heart pounding in my chest. Each step he took away was like a blow, but even so, a part of me hoped he would stop, that he would come back. That he would hug me.
But he didn't come back.
When I realized he had disappeared from my sight, I ran to the door and slammed it with all the strength I had left. The tears, which I had stubbornly held back, finally began to roll.
I put my hands over my head, trying to understand why this always happened to me. Why did everyone leave? Why was I never enough for anyone to stay?
My knees gave way, and I ended up on the sofa. I curled up there, while the tears silently soaked my face.
I was exhausted. Exhausted of fighting against feelings that seemed to never lead me anywhere. And before I knew it, exhaustion won, and I fell asleep, with pain and loneliness cradling me like an old friend.