A Starting Point

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR- EMPTY

William

Thom was standing in front of me. The face was red and with a few drops of sweat running down. In all these years, I've never seen him so furious.
- Sit down!
"I don't want to sit down, hombre(10)."  I just want you to explain to me what happened.
- I do not know what you're talking about.
“Don't make a fool of yourself. You know very well what I'm talking about. I want you to tell me why you treated her that way and what the fuck is going on between you two.
"Who told you?"
Coley told me.
"I need to put a brake on his tongue." I don't pay him to gossip.
"Are you going to answer me or not?"
“There's nothing between the two of us. And I would never hit a woman.
- I know that! Why did you act that way?
- I don't know. I just feel irritated around her. Her voice annoys me and everything she says. Her hair, the way she walks... Everything about her makes me weird, on edge, and you must think I'm crazy - I said, running my hands through my hair.
— Yes, I think. But, I've seen many suffer from this madness.
- What do you mean by that?
— I mean you don't know how to deal with your feelings. He's mad with rage because so far, he's shown everyone how strong he is. However, when she's around you, she becomes weak. He's angry because he's in love with her and doesn't know how to act with her feelings.
“How idiotic.”
"Where do you get these things, Thom?" Started reading romance books? Are you watching Mexican telenovelas? - I said with disdain - I never heard so much nonsense. I'm not in love with her. I have the women I want.
"And none warm your bed on lonely nights." And that's sad.
- Because? I like to live my life the way it is. Besides, I don't know what it is about her that you think I'm going to fall head over heels in love with her. This gets comical.
Thom looked at me for a brief moment, walked to the door and stopped. Still with his back turned, he placed his hat on his head and turned his face just so I could hear him perfectly.
“Do you know what she has, Will? She has the will to live, to be happy. Don't destroy it for her.
When Thom left, I looked around the huge room I was in. And as much as the farm was full of servants, I thought it was the emptiest place in the world. Or maybe that empty seat was me.
Calvin would talk to me when necessary and strangely enough, it bothered me. He always brought news from the city or told something involving the cowboys he supervised.
But now, what I saw there was a silent man, with a lost look as he brushed Diamante's fur.
Eva was also different. She didn't care if I ate or not, nor did she greet me with the warm good morning she always gave me, accompanied by a kiss on the cheek.
Bothered! That's how I was.
Suddenly, the phrase "lose to value" came to my mind. That's what my mother used to say to my father every time he hit me.
Eva and Calvin took care of me, even after Wallace brought me here. They no longer had any obligations to me, yet they took care of me.
Damn it! How hard it was to recognize that I was being a huge ass to them.
I walked over to him and stroked Diamondhead's fur.
"Bill is interested in one of the horses," I said.
- That's nice.
“I'd like you to take him to the west area stable and show him the quarter horses.
“Of course, boss.
He was not my employee.
“Then we need to stock the warehouses. The truck will arrive in an hour or so.
“Huh-huh.
This was hard.
"Look, you know I'm not good with words...
“I don't understand what the boss is trying to say.
"Don't call me that," I growled.
“Then I'm sorry, William.
"Calvin, please stop!"
He stopped brushing the horse's hair and looked at me.
- Stop with what?
I let out a long breath
“Okay… I was an asshole. Forgive me!
He went back to what he was doing earlier and took a few seconds to talk to me.
“You don't need to apologize.
- Yes I need.
“If you must, then you're forgiven.
"Aren't you going to lecture me?"
"Would you listen?"
The answer was "no", however, I didn't say it, I just kept silent.
“All these years, I've been trying to make you see something good in your life. Seeing the man he has become and I feel like I have failed.
“Calvin...
"Stop and listen to me!" — and then he continued —: I know that your grandfather loved him very much and I know that you loved him too. Before he died, he asked me to keep looking after you. But if I do that, it's not because I promised him, it's because ever since I saw you, William, going to school and you stopped to look at those cakes in the bakery window, my heart ached. You were hungry, remember? So I promised that whenever I could, I would go to that bakery and buy you something delicious to eat.
- Because? I asked after letting out a long breath. “I never understood why you were so nice to me.
— I was tired of feeling like a failure and I needed to feel useful. Not that you were a project type, but Eva and I never had kids. And the problem was never her. The problem has always been me. She cried so many nights. She couldn't hold a baby, she couldn't control the tears and that hurt me - she put the brush inside the bucket and crossed her arms. “I didn't know what it was like to be someone's father. So Wilson did all those things and I wondered why men like him could have more than me. He didn't deserve you. He didn't know how to value it. That's when I promised him that he would do for you, what a father would do for a son. You can't imagine the joy it gave me when you were happy, when you had ice cream or a piece of cake. And, I suffered when you suffered for your mother. I saw in you, the opportunity to be useful, to feel like a father. I saw the opportunity to see Eva smile, every time she saw him. I saw the opportunity to try to alleviate her suffering.
I could see his gaze wandering through the memories. I too had that lost look every time I recalled those days.
— When we didn't hear from you, we were heartbroken. And when that happened to you, I didn't think twice about taking you home. But, the Will I knew no longer existed and even so, I stopped seeing him as a son. The years passed and you became the O'Connor heir and let us be happy for you. However, I couldn't make you understand how special you are. I couldn't give you the peace you need and I couldn't make you feel loved. I failed and God knows I tried not to fail.
I couldn't speak. Something was suffocating me. I just took a deep breath, put my hand on his shoulder and with open mouth, I tried to get the words out, however, they were all stuck somewhere.
"It didn't fail," was the only thing that fell from my lips.
Calvin smiled sadly, so I took my hand off his shoulder and left. I needed to breathe. 

(10) Hombre: Man