Friendships Desires and Secrets

Those Truths Untold

***TRIGGER WARNINGS! THERE IS DISCUSSIONS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE AND MARITAL R@PE IN THIS CHAPTER***

Yoongi awoke in a panic, completely forgetting where he was until he heard a strong steady heartbeat under his ear. He moved as slowly as possible, but Tara still stirred, grumbling. When she stretched, he got up and finding his shirt. He went to the restroom, then grabbed his coat and checked his pockets for keys and phone before slipping out the door.

***

Namjoon squinted at the light pouring through his window and tried to remember why he felt so tired. As he followed his nearly forgotten morning routine, he remembered the night before. They had talked late into the night, so involved in discovering each other that they hadn't eaten till almost 11PM.  Instant noodles and beer were the only things he really had since he hadn't been home in months. It was a perfect evening.

Alex told him more than she wanted to. Failed and abusive marriage, a grown son, lack of direction as a child and growing up in a neglectful home. She eased into somethings, like her marital rape and relationships with women. Other things she delved into deeply, like explaining how sometimes it was hard for her to know the difference between passion and obsession which was why she often took a more cautious approach to new people or ideas. She asked him questions that had burned in her mind for years. She was separating the real Namjoon from the public RM. The more they drank, the more they let go of.

He discussed much of the lonely idol life and relationships that failed, often because they were never going to be the center of his world and couldn't be announced to the public. It is a difficult thing for women to be loved in secret. How he truly thought he was in love once and she had wounded him deeply with selfishness and betrayal.

Alex told him that she understood that she would probably never be a public disclosure if they ever had a romantic relationship and reassured him that she was perfectly fine with being treasured away. He was RM for the ARMY and that was his priority. She would much rather be a secret, and that way she was his alone. She wanted a simple life and friendship. Above all, she wanted truth and transparency.

He then began to go into detail about the darkness that lurked in the ranks of idols lives. How they were very much treated as property, not just by the corporation and nation, but also by many of the fans. Alex knew all about that side with her own dealings with toxic ARMY and discussed her point of view on what she had seen. He wasn't so much bothered by the shipping or thirsty women, it was the bickering and prejudice. He found it intolerable and offensive.

They discussed past obsessions and future hopes, humanitarian projects that they both would like to be involved in. Alex talked about the countries she would like to see and historical places she would one day like to visit. Namjoon talked about his favorite parts of each country he had been too, both as a tourist and an idol. She asked about the entourage he had always had around him, and he became uncomfortable. It just was. Just how it was done. She didn't press. He was more thankful than he let on that she didn't pry.

On and on, topic after topic. Movies and poetry, foods and politics. They covered much. By 1AM Alex was trying not to nod off, and Namjoon knew she wouldn't stay if asked so he called a cab to take her home. After she had left, the place felt desolate. He showered and lay down in his boxers, just staring at the predawn sky out the still parted curtain. A text came through, letting him know that she was home safe. He debated answering it and finally just sent back 'OK' before closing his eyes.

****

Tara came fully awake in the silence, reaching for something not there. She got up, hurriedly searching for her phone. She looked and looked and was about to panic when she saw just the corner sticking out from under the back of the couch. It must have fell during the commotion. She opened it quickly, realizing that it was still on do not disturb, she turned it off and scrolled through her messages.