Friendships Desires and Secrets

No Hearts So Open

Alex's eyes flew open. That was not the voice of Kim Namjoon! She immediately reached for her phone.
"I'm fine. Can I help you?" She stated flatly, no emotion in her hard voice.
"No. I saw you laying on the ground, and it's very late."
"Is it?" Alex tightened the harsh tone. "Well, I'm waiting on my boyfriend." She began to feel more uneasy when the stranger didn't move away.
"He seems to be late."
Alex used the opportunity to unlock her phone, checking the time. "He probably got stuck at work. I think I should go to meet him." She had dialed 112 into the key pad and hovered her finger over the send button as she lowered it to her side.
"Why don't you stay and talk to me." He edged closer to her.
Alex switched to English when her mind started to overload. "Why don't you back the fuck up buddy." She had said it louder than intended.
"I knew you were just another foul-mouthed American bitch." He raised his arm to reach for her when out of no where, a fist swung into his face, knocking him backwards three steps. The offending man grabbed his bleeding mouth with his left hand and turned to deliver a counter attack with his right. He never landed that blow.
Namjoon struck the strangers left eye with a resounding smack, and the man hit the ground with a solid thud. Alex had already hit send and had the police on the way.
The man lay where he fell until the police showed up. Alex and Namjoon never even glanced at each other. Too shocked to speak, they watched the offender until the police arrived.
After the officers took reports and had the man, who was known to them, in the car, they apologized profusely to Alex and Namjoon before leaving.
The adrenaline was still flowing through Alex, so she hadn't started shaking or crying, but she knew she would eventually. She turned to Namjoon and was just waiting for him to open his arms in his gentle way, but he was looking at his bleeding fist. When he finally looked up, she read no relief, no love. Only anger.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" His tone was low, dangerous. His own adrenaline and testosterone was coursing through him in a way he'd never felt. Alex was too shocked to reply, only opening her mouth as he continued. "In the middle of the GOD DAMNED NIGHT, ALONE! SERIOUSLY ALEX?" His pitch increased as each statement passed his lips.
Alex's shock was beginning to melt into anger as she came to her senses. Her brain was answering his questions even if her mouth wasn't cooperating. 
"YOU DO REALIZE WHAT ALMOST JUST HAPPENED? THAT FUCKING NOTE AND THIS? CAN I ASK WHAT YOU WERE THINKING?"
She was boiling now. Her voice was velvet when she asked, "Can I ask when were you going to tell me that you are still engaged to Lori Ito?"
He hadn't realized that he was screaming at a coiled viper until he was bitten. All the anger drained from his face, his hands going cold. He watched her eyes narrow and realized what the note had been about.
He had read that note, well poem, four times before he could get the rock out of his chest and call a Taehyung, who was the closest to his place. He knew exactly where she had gone but also knew his bike would be too slow. He'd had no idea when she'd left and was worried and sick. In Taes' Expedition, he had read it a fifth time, that rock threatening to turn into sobs.
When they arrived and got out, he saw the bicycle and the man next to Alex. His heart sank, thinking the worst. Thinking that she had a lover. Thinking he was betrayed again and that she wanted him to catch her, the way he had caught Lori. As he had closed in on them though, he sensed that she was on the defensive.
Now he had a much bigger problem.
"I just assumed that when I told her to fuck off and not come back, that she would realize the engagement was done."
"But your sister said that you never filed a formal rescission?"
"I thought I made myself clear."
"Crystal...especially when you kept sleeping with her."
"The sex wasn't that big of a deal. It's you Americans that have things like hook-ups and body counts. We don't pry into people's pasts like that."
The term 'you Americans' made her acutely aware of how much of a minority she was at that moment. Alex seethed at the jab but knew that as a whole that he was right, and it was one of the countless reasons why she wanted away from her country of origin.
"You know I'm not like them. I never asked about her. You offered your story as I did mine. I don't care how many times you got back with her. You still shouldn't have left the agreement open. Beyond that, you had no right or freedom to pursue me with the contract still in place." Her barely contained anger was being diluted by the pain she felt. She knew she was beginning to hyperventilate as she rushed on. "I told you I don't want to lose myself in this. So much of who I am. All the good things that I am have come from the loving of you and I need to be certain that if I don't have that love, if we don't make it, that I don't loose my identity with the loss of you."  Her  words held conviction but none of the venom he had received from her earlier. She felt the last of the adrenaline drain from her cold limbs as she collapsed in shock.
Namjoon had no time to react when Alex passed out. He smashed his bad knee against the packed earth as he tried to prevent her head from colliding with the ground. He held her there a minute, the reality that he  was about to lose her sinking in. Realizing that, even though he didn't like the way it happened, she ultimately had been right. She had been open with him completely and wanted nothing more from him than the same in return. He had unfairly met her with childish hostility.
He pulled her up into his arms, where she had always belonged, and held her tightly to him. He felt her stirring and breathed deeply with relief.
"I'm sorry, baby." He said softly. "So sorry. Please give me the chance to make it right."
Alex just nodded weakly as she turned her tear stained face to his chest. She didn't have the energy to protest as he lifted her and carried her down to where Tae was parked.