Friendships Desires and Secrets

Shattered

Alex got in the taxi she had called. She was quiet, and her mind was heavy. She had one earbud in, listening to some soft melodies. They only increased her melancholy and her growing sense of trepidation. She didn't know how far she would get with her venture, or even how much Namjoons family knew about his life, but she had to try to find out whatever he was not telling her about Lori. She knew they wouldn't have a perfect life if she had doubts. Knew she wouldn't move past it.

As the taxi moved slowly into the traffic around Hannam-Dong, Alex reached back into her mind, moving through the night before. Flashes of thoughts. Pictures and feelings. The feel of his hard thighs sliding in between hers, causing goose flesh to tingle up all over her body. His soft skin making heat to rise everywhere they touched. His breath bathing her as he climaxed and shuddered, whispering her name before he rested his sweaty head on her shoulder, panting hard.

The sparks that had danced in her vision when he had rolled her and entered her again a few moments later. The feel of his hands tracing the curve of her spine and hips. The desperate sounds he made as they rose together and pinnicaled as one.

Then after, their love-making had painted the sheets like a canvas covered in art, but they didn't care. His damp chest was pressed into her back, legs tangled, his finished member still pulsed inside her core. His arm held her with possessiveness, yet with all of this, she knew she wanted more. Wanted to be closer. To touch every cell of him.

Alex sighed. These thoughts were painful. It was stupid to feel like this. She was with the only man she had ever truly loved, and she should be happy, but this one shadow. Alex knew she was letting this one thing pull her focus, but she had a gut feeling about it, and her gut hadn't failed her yet.

She pulled up at the D-palace and paid the driver. She stood for a moment, looking up at the tall building. It wasn't as imposing as some of the structures closer to the heart of Seoul, but it was a dragon to her, sleeping in secrets and mysteries.

She rang up to the Kim's apartment and Kim KyungMin answered. She then heard his mom talking excitedly and was soon standing in front of their door. Before she could ring the bell, the door was flung open, and she was inside the very clean and climate controlled room. A humidifier hummed softly in the corner, and there was sounds of a service being laid out for tea.

"I hope you like green tea."

"Ah yes. Thank you." Alex answered his mom.

KyungMin motioned for her to sit on the thick soft sofa. "How are you? I heard you might be my sister soon."

Alex shrugged. "That's sort of why I'm here." She began to fidget with her hands. KyungMin grasped them to save the hem of Alex's skirt.

"How can I help."
Alex took a deep breath. "Tell me about Lori Ito."
KyungMin looked sick, and her hand fluttered to her chest. "Well, to start, she was a mistake. Please know that. It was all pre-arranged. You know my parents met her parents and-" KyungMin was cut off as the tea service was set down on the table between them. This break of eye contact was enough time to set Alex in motion.
"So they were engaged?"
"Here, have a cookie." Joons mom was suddenly in her vision and handing her something. Alex glanced down at her and then at the cookie before starting to violently tremble.
"Alex, I don't think Namjoon ever officially told her it was off." KyungMin said hesitantly. "Have you seen her? Has she come around?"
Alex could only nod. The women guided her back to the couch and sat on either side.
"He's just not confrontational, Alex. You know that. He would rather put her off and not deal with her. Please don't be too upset."
Alex shook her head. "I just need to breathe."
The two women kept her company and talked about what a horrid girl Lori turned out to be. How she was just after clout and recognition. She wanted to be known so badly that she had begged her parents to arrange the marriage to him. And her reason for choosing him? She was so pretty, and he was so ugly that he wouldn't say no.
Lori didn't care that Namjoons heart was music or that he had no free time. Lori didn't care that he was a thinker or a humanitarian or a tragic romantic. She only cared for what he should buy her, where he could take her and how he could keep up her expensive life style.
Alex heard them but responded little, nodding here and there. She felt bad for Namjoon and understood everything, but she still felt trapped. She wanted to run away, give her mind and heart time to proces, and come to terms with everything. But most importantly, to find out what Joon was going to do. That was going to make all the difference.
After about half an hour, she told KyungMin and her mom that she had some place to be. She called a taxi and as she waited, she paced, thinking about what she was going to say. By the time she was back in Namjoons apartment, she had made up her mind. She found a pen and paper and wrote him a note.

Namjoon
I'm not leaving, just tired of breathing
and worried everything will crash down.
know what I was fearing, my mind was tearing
over something silly, I get that now
But I'm not holding you down,
not tied on to something that might be gone.
So make up my mind, come find me tonight
and I will know that we share a bond.
So listen closely cause I know you know me.
The silence between heartbeats screams your name.
So quietly hold me, cause I know you can't be
Just a fantasy that has made me insane.
I love you...A

She put the stuff she had brought with her, back in her bag, and left, leaving the note on his bed.

She ran to the bus stop. It felt good to be moving, the concrete sounding back loudly under her feet. She got on the bus to Tower North and wondered how long he would stay in his studio tonight. Maybe KyungMin would call him. When she finally got off the bus, she ran swiftly as she could to the grassy knoll where Joon had the photo shoot for the album. She was winded and had a stich by the time she fell into the grass, Tower North looming overhead. Her mind was clearer, but the tears she had been trying to escape found her anyway.