Friendships Desires and Secrets

Doubts and Fears

Jimin had left 20 minutes ago by taxi wearing JK's shirt because his was soaked in cum. He was going to crash on Amy's couch but thought better of it.  If they went for round two with him in the next room, it might get awkward. He sighed and fiddled at the button up black dress shirt that was two sizes too big. Amy was fun. Tara was fun. He was so dammed tired of fun.
Jimin turned to look out the window at the passing neighborhood. Another malcontented sighed escaped him, more from his mind than his chest. He missed Taehyung and the women and men they passed around. He missed the fun they had after the fans and lovers were gone. He missed spying on Hoseok or Namjoon in the shower when they all lived together.
He was deep in his musing when the driver stopped. He scanned his card and hopped out. 10:30 at night, the street was relatively quiet, so he didn't bother to look before he turned to go inside his apartment building. He ran smack into a blonde woman as she was moving past.
"I'm so sorry, Noona. I was too distracted."
"It's ok, Park Jiminssi. Nothing broken."
He looked at her for a long moment. "You are American?"
She nodded.
"You are ARMY?"
She nodded again, this time with a large smile.
He switched back to Korean. "Do you want to go to the next block for a drink?" Shot in the dark, but he doubted that she would refuse.
In heavily accented Korean, she answered, "I would love to, really, I have work in the morning." She saw the sincere disappointment on his face and added, "Can we get food instead?"
He nodded and smiled as they moved off together down the road.

***

Alex's tears had almost stopped when she heard a bicycle moving closer. A thousand thoughts raced. 'Should I look? Definitely don't look. It's not him, but it has to be him! No, don't look. He's getting closer. It has to be him. No he's still working. How long have I been here. 10 minutes surely, or has it been longer. I will act like I didn't hear him. I will lay here with my eyes shut and not hear...the footsteps getting closer! My heart is hammering. What if he's mad. Oh God! Play dead!'
Suddenly the soft voice resonated in her ears. "Are you ok?"

***

Tara lay wide awake. Yoongi snored softly beside her. He was on his stomach again, and she had watched his back rise and fall for over half an hour. Now she was just leaning against the padded headboard, staring out into the glittering Seoul night, the sheet beneath her still damp. The tiniest movement caused the pear diamond on her finger to glint, and she looked down.
Why did she feel so uneasy? Every time something this wonderful happened, something came along to mess everything up. Usually, at her own doing, she felt. She was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for all this happiness to come crashing down. Something burned in her chest, stirring, causing her to be uneasy.
And maybe she was close to her monthly cycle? Alex had noted years ago, when they had dated briefly, that she was more moody and doubted herself more when her cycle drew near. This unease could just be those chemical shadows of doubt clawing at her mind. When was her last cycle?
Tara began to count the days back. Her breath stopped, and she counted again and froze in terror.

***

Amy awoke the next day, sore and alone in her small apartment. Jungkook had left around 3 A.M. She hadn't seen nor heard Jimin sneak out and thought for sure he would be passed out on the couch. She was surprised to be alone. The white tee that Jungkook had left last time, was missing. In a panic she searched for signs of either of them.
Her air purifier wasn't cleaned and reset, which was something JK did almost religiously. The diffuser he bought for her had not been turned or filled.
Had last night been a dream? If not for the stiffness in her legs, she might have imagined so. She went back to her room. The toys and ropes were gone. She searched her bedside drawer and found nothing. She ripped the cover completely off the bed, on the verge of hysteria, and sighed in relief when the still damp sheets were shaded in all the right places. And there were three.
Amy stripped the bed and sprayed it down, deciding to let it air for the day. She tossed the sheets and cover in her washer and, after starting it, went into the kitchen.
The cup of coffee did nothing to calm her nerves as her overactive mind tore apart all of the missing bits. Maybe JK was just tired. Maybe he and Jimin left together because they ...no they came together so they should leave together. She worried at her lip and fretted until she was almost too late to shower for school.

***

"So, are you new to Seoul?" Jimin asked the woman sitting across from him.
"Yes, some what." She replied off-handedly. "I came for the last Fiesta and never really went home. Not that anyone at home cares that I left." The last bit carried a bitter note.
"Sometimes I feel like that, too."
She scoffed. "You are one of the most iconic and celebrated idols on the planet. You shouldn't feel that way."
"Yes, but ARMYs love won't always be there. And if Korean ARMYs knew the truth about me, I don't think I would have so much love now."
"I don't think that's true either. A large part of your generation is accepting gay and bisexuality. I think you are more loved than you know. Not just here."
Jimin recovered from her blatent admonishion about his hinted at sexuality and nodded, considering deeply what she had said. "What is your name?"
"Shelia." She answered softly.
"So you would accept a man who also liked other men?"
Shelia shrugged. "As long as I got to watch." She winked at him, which made him blush. "Whatever you guys do isn't my business, but I'm down for whatever." She took a sip of her drink and hid a grimace. Diet MtDew tasted so different here.
Jimin leaned back as a mischievous look began to overtake his features. "I may just have to test that out then."
"Test what?" Sheila asked loudly.
Jimin lowered his voice and, in a sultry tone, said, "Just how far you are willing to go..."
Shelia laughed and got up from the table. "Try me, big boy."