Haikyuu Imagines

Say No to the Good Things (Tsukishima)

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself before bursting through the door with the biggest grin you could muster.

"Y/N!" your friends cheered.

You waved excitedly only to have a 6'3 wall stop you in your tracks.  Slowly, you handed him the gift bag with the royal blue glasses case you hoped he'd like.  To be honest, you were surprised the moodiest boy at your university had decided to hold his birthday party at a pottery painting store.  It was cute with pastel-colored walls, plenty of hanging plants, and free hot chocolate–all of which didn't match Tsukishima's style.  But then again, this was the last birthday you'd be celebrating together, so it was go big or go home.

"Thanks," the 6'3 blonde mumbled, peeking into the bag at his present.  You smiled, sliding past him into the open seat by Yamaguchi.  As naturally as you could, you tried to blend into the conversation and make yourself invisible.  You didn't want Tsukishima's eyes on you.  You wouldn't be able to stomach any attention from your crush when you knew you'd be leaving soon.

"Y/N, you must be so excited to be here.  Painting is your element, after all!" Tanaka laughed loudly.  

You felt the blonde's gaze shift over to you while you concentrated on your brush strokes.  "Yes, I could never leave this place!"

You realized what you had said only after the words had left your mouth.  Tanaka looked down, his laugh now a weak chuckle.  Yamaguchi beside you sighed, and the mood quickly dropped.  You tried to sneak a glance at Tsukishima only to see him staring hard at you.  His bottom lip was tucked into his usual pessimistic pout, so it was hard to read his expression.

"I'll be back before you know it!  You think a few thousand miles is enough to break our friendship?" you attempted to lighten the mood.

"She's right!" Bokuto thankfully came in with the assist.  "True friendship will survive just about anything.  You're going to bring us back souvenirs from France, right?"

"I'd bring back the whole Eiffel Tower if I could," you laughed.  The group slowly lit up once more, and your shoulders slumped in relief.  You were graduating at the end of the semester, earlier than the rest of your friends, and setting out for your apprenticeship in France where you'd get to develop your painting skills and work on big projects with famous artists.  What more could you want?

Without realizing, your eyes drifted over to Tsukishima, studying his curly hair he'd grown out since starting university.  His brown eyes now seemed to channel 15% excitement in his conversation with Iwaizumi.  They were probably bonding over their hatred for Oikawa.  You tried to read his soft, supple lips until you realized they were saying your name.

"Y/N," he said bluntly.

You met his eyes and immediately felt the blood rush to your face.  He'd caught you.  

"Hi," you said softly.  "Zoned out thinking about packing for the big move."

"Right."  Tsukishima turned his head again to pick up his conversation with Iwaizumi, and you focused yourself on your pottery piece.  Light strokes, layering the paint in thin layers that created soft tones.  You wondered what plants would look best in these–roses or maybe herbs?

Your chest felt heavy at the memory of Tsukishima bringing you flowers to your art awards ceremony.  The purple orchids he brought would have looked amazing in your newly-painted pot.

"I'm going to head out early since I need to take care of some stuff at home.  Happy birthday, Tsukishima!"  You quickly got up, juggling your stuff in one hand and your pottery in the other.  You handed the piece to a lady who took her time explaining the glazing process when all you wanted to do was get out of there.

"Thank you, I'll come back in a week to pick it up," you assured her.  Bursting into the crisp autumn night, you pulled your cardigan on and began to jog to your car only to hear his voice ring out and call your name.

Be brave, you told yourself.  And once again, you resumed your brightest smile and turned around to greet your crush.

"You walked out so suddenly.  And you seemed a little... spaced out."

He didn't ask it directly, but you knew he needed to hear you were okay before heading back in.  These kind gestures where he forced himself outside of his comfort zone to care for others were among the reasons you fell for him in the first place.  You were tired of holding these feelings in that had tormented you for so long and forced you to have pointless conversations in your head.  Every time you were around Tsukishima, you fixated on every little detail, deluding yourself that he liked you back but was too shy to say anything.  Now, staring him straight in the face, you knew it was just your overactive imagination and that maybe it was time to put an end to things for your own sake.

"I like you," you blurted out.  "I know you don't feel the same, but I just wanted to tell you since I think I'd regret it otherwise."

Tsukishima nodded as if the information didn't phase him at all.  "I kind of figured."

Great.  Time to sleep on the highway, you thought.

He sighed before continuing.  "You're right, I honestly don't have those kinds of feelings for you, but you're talented and kind-hearted, and I'm sure you'll find someone much better."

The composure in you burst.  If you were so great, why were you always turned down?  Why were you always the friend but never even a contender for someone's heart?  You didn't want someone better.  You wanted Tsukishima.

"I–I'm sorry," you stuttered.  

"No need to apologize.  You can't control your feelings in the same way I can't control mine," he replied gently.

You laughed.  "I wasn't apologizing to you.  Anyways, they must be wondering where you are.  I'll be fine, go back and enjoy your birthday."

Quickly, you slipped into your car and drove home numb to it all.  The sad songs drained you yet felt weirdly relatable, so you kept listening to them on repeat.  Earlier, you had apologized to yourself for spending the last three years of your life playing some stupid mind game, convinced that you were loved and wanted.

Curling up in your bed, you scrolled through your phone at all the previous text messages you'd exchanged and how you'd misread every single one of them as a sign.  

You wondered why your favorite childhood books and movies didn't talk about this ugly side of love.  The ache, the pain, the one-sided crushes... they never warned you how lonely it could be.  Sometimes, you get lucky and find your Prince or Princess Charming.  Sometimes, it breaks, and you're left with this large void you're desperate to fill.  

Your phone lit up with a notification, and you grimaced seeing Tsukishima's name.  Hesitantly, you raised your phone to read the message.

Sometimes, you have to say no to the good things to say yes to the best things.  There are much better things in store for you, Y/N. 

You knew he was trying to tell you that you'd find someone better, but you didn't think you'd be able to love someone this way for quite a while.  

Pulling the covers over your head, you hoped your eyes wouldn't be terribly puffy tomorrow in class where you'd have to see Tsukishima and all your friends.  Hopefully your "best thing" was on its way, but for now, love felt sick and cruel.

---

A/N: Helloooo! Good to see you all again. I hope everyone is doing well at the end of another year. I was suddenly in an angsty mood and felt like sharing this story to comfort those who may be feeling similarly to Y/N right about now.  Some of us start the year looking for love and end it alone, and that can hurt.  Just know that I'm here for you and that your best things surely are on their way.  I will be posting much happier imagines soon, so stay tuned!

Question of the imagine: What do you do when you're rejected by someone?